Help - am I over-reacting to this?!

[shell96]

Can anyone give any advice on if/how to deal with this or if I'm just over-reacting (could be preg hormones as I'm expecting DC2)

DPs parents look after DS (13 months) as we both work full time. DPs grown up sis (who has always seen a lot of DS and he loves)also lives in their house since she split from her hubby but she works too so only sees DS for a wee while in the morning and after work. DS is well settled there and they have cared for him since he was 9 months.

MIL has always been known as Grandma and FIL is Granda. This is fine but tonight when I went to collect DS I noticed they have shortened Grandma to Mama. Now I think they are doing this to make it easier for him to say and encourage him to speak but I'm pretty uncomfortable with it as I think its too similar to Mum/Mumu/Mummy/etc. If, the first time DS says something resembling Mum, he isnt referring to me I know I will be pretty gutted.

I dont want to upset or offend them as I am really grateful to them for caring for him and saving us so much money and the hassle of finding a nursery of childminder that we trust. I dont know if I'm just over-reacting. I could probably mention it to DPs sis as I get on well with her but then that means she has to try and broach it with them. Or do I just ignore it and keep referring to her as Grandma.

[thisisyesterday]

lie to them. tell them you're sure he said something that sounded like Grandma the other day
they won't be able to stop themselves from using it then to try and get him to do it again

[PrettyCandles]

I can understand your feelings about this. I feel very strongly about the fact that 'mama' is my identity, when it comes to my dc.

But I think the fact that these are your ILs complicates the issue. Would your dh speak to them about it? I don't see why you shouldn't ask your SIL to explain how you feel. OTOH, if you feel comfortable then go ahead and speak to them yourself. I don't think there's anything unreasonable about wanting "Mama" to be you.

[C4ro]

Are you sure it is Mama and not Nana they said? Mama I agree would be very weird

Like TIY idea though- will much faster have them back on Grandma!

[shell96]

Definately Mama they were saying. DPs sis was telling DS to wave to Mama as I was leaving. Totally confused me until I realised she wasnt talking about me She said it a few times in relation to MIL.

I'm not really that close to them so dont want to speak to them myself but if I get DP or his sis to do it then will probably feel even more awkward knowing they know I dont want to tell them myself.

Am liking the TIY idea too though! Might give that a go

[2to3]

Just start referring to her as Grand Mama - that way your ILs might sense that you don't like 'mama' without having to come right out and say it. I wouldn't lose too much sleep over this one - it will probably be short lived. You're the mama and that's all there is to it.

[roundthehouses]

I´m sure you can make relatively light of it - next time you hear it ask if she could be Nana to avoid confusion because after all, you are Mama/mummy etc already. If followed by effusive playing down of it all just go with it "yes no of course I´m sure you didn´t, no that´s fine, no of COURSE I don´t mind just don´t want to confuse him" etc etc

[smokinaces]

My ex-MIL called herself Mama to her elder grandchildren. I put my foot down big time when DSs were born and said no - she could be Grandma or Nanny as I hated it (prounouced Ma-Ma) and it is too close to Mummy etc for me.

She became Nanny, which was fine for the 3 years we were together. Now however she has reverted to calling herself Mama as we are= in the process of being divorced.

I just always refer to her as Nanny and tell the kids to call her Nanny.

My mum is Grandma and DS2 calls her a version of mama - like Gamama sometimes with a very quiet G. She is always referred to as Grandma though and hes slowly making more G sounds.

I dont think you are overreacting.

[daisy243]

I wouldn't like that AT ALL! I would probably have to say something. My dd's call me Mama sometimes, because I am the Mama!
Bee

[poppyboo]

My too called my mother ma- ma because it is because what she could say at the time. I have never thought about it much because I am called mummy. I totally understand your feeling though and why you would be upset. I hope you sort this or you might end up feeling resentful.

[Again]

Your ds may very well start calling her mama anyway because of the 'ma' at the end of grandma. It will be short-lived and regardless of what he calls her, you will always be his mum. I can completely understand and I know that I would probably say in a jokey way 'eh hello, I'm the mama!'.

[shell96]

Thanks everyone. Think I will go with the jokey option next time I hear them saying it. Then say it is so similar to Mumu that DS may get confused. If DS shortens Grandma to mama as he's learning to say it then I'm not going to stop him but since they are not shortening Granda and he will learn to say that eventually then I'm sure he will manage Grandma too.

Thanks!