I had to leave my 14 month old for two weeks - so very hard

[mayjones]

Hi there

I have had to leave my 14 month old baby for two weeks to work abroad and I am finding the guilt and sadness almost unbearable.

Am I damaging her and/or my relationship with her by leaving her for so long? She is with her daddy and her granny, who are both wonderful with her, but I worry about the effects of such a long separation and am crucifying myself with guilt.

Can anyone help with advice please?

[AnyFucker]

Awww, you poor thing, you will miss her so much, I am presuming you have absolutely no choice in this trip, nor the length of it

I am not just saying this to make you feel better, but I really don't think it will damage your relationship with her

children are very resilient, and she will be with people who love her just as much as you do. Imagine how pleased she will be to see you again...or she might surprise you and be very nonchalent about the whole thing (trust kids to throw you the curved ball...)

leave some photos of you, phone every day, ?webcam/skype, all those things that mean you can stay in touch without being in the same room

it will be ok...she will be fine and so will you x

[ladyandthechocolate]

I can really imagine how you feel. I had to leave DD while I was in hospital recently and while it killed me, she was fine and yours will be too. She is being cared for by people who love her and that she knows and she will have no long term recollection of this. I would plan a few special activities for the two of you when you return.
My DD is a little older (21 months) and she sulked with me when I got home but after 48 hours she was fine and back to normal.

[Jamieandhismagictorch]

Please don't feel guilty. You must miss her like crazy, but I'm sure she, and your relationship, won't suffer.

[Owlingate]

I was in hosp for 10 days when eldest was 14 months. He was clingy for a bit when I got out but as my Mum said that for babies 10 hours or 10 days is the same thing - they know you're not there and they want you to come back but oh look there's a snail and a biscuit night night granny where's mummy gone oh look a biscuit etc. etc.

He was in no way damaged, did not have a clue how long I'd been gone for and stopped being clingy after about an afternoon!

[Owlingate]

Oh yes and DH v supportively said 'you're the only one that cares, he doesn't' - harsh but he had a point - I didn't phone DS or anything cos I thought it would make it worse, but I was the one who wanted to speak to him iykwim!

[thetraveller]

I've just had a week away from 12mo DS - first time I'd left him for more than a couple of hours. I got a huge smile when I got back, some clinginess (sp?) for the rest of the day, then everything back to normal the next day. I skyped for 10 minutes or so every day whilst I was away, which DS really seemed to enjoy (and it was great for me to see that he wasn't a blubbing wreck for the entire time I was away, even if I was finding it really hard).

Try not to worry too much. You really won't damage your DD in any way by being away for a couple of weeks. See if you can find some way of staying in touch whilst you're away and make sure you build in plenty of one-to-one time when you get back.

[Elsa123]

I have the type of job where I may have to be away for 6 months. Hoping against hope that it doesn't happen as I was away for that length of time last year and am now pg. Although its a lot longer, those women I work with who have children and have been away from them for 4 -6 months say that under 5 its not too bad- although the relationship rebuilding does take a while- but after 5 when they start to understand why you're away and whats going on is much harder.

[mayjones]

Thanks so much for your messages - it's very comforting to hear other people's experiences.

I'm a week in and it's getting easier but I think that's because I have to remove myself from my feelings to be able to cope with being away from her. I also relaise how lucky I am to have her!

I'm also trying to embrace the good things about time alone. Interesting work and people and uninterrupted sleep!

[gremlindolphin]

Hi I had to leave my 5month old for 2 weeks to be in hospital. It is 9 years ago now and I hated it but she was just happy to be with the people who loved her although she was very pleased to see me when I came back! It will have no effect on your relationship.

The only thing I wasn't prepared for was how different she looked - when you are there all the time you don't notice them growing and changing but after two weeks they have actually done quite a lot!