If you hated school yourself - would you tell your DC?

[Flyonthewindscreen]

I was miserable at school, I was shy, bullied and without friends a lot of the time. You know the child who always got picked last for PE? That was me...
This was rarely picked up on by parents/teachers.

Anyway, water under the bridge, my life has got a lot better since then . I now have 2 DC aged 6 and 8 who generally seem to enjoy school, are getting on fine and have friends. However they have been asking me and DH recently about whether we got told off at school, who our friends were, did we like going.

I've been vague "oh sometimes I liked it sometimes not" because I don't want to be negative about school/education but do you think this is dishonest and not the right thing to do?

[maresedotes]

It is not dishonest. I didn't like primary school and was pretty unhappy but I would never tell my DD1. She is the complete opposite of me at school - confident with lots of friends. Never needs to know!

[cory]

I have told dcs quite frankly that I was bullied at school and didn't have many friends, and that this is why I am so happy to see that schools have changed their attitudes towards bullying and that they have such nice friends. I think it was ok to tell them, as I was able to make it clear that it doesn't mean a lot to me now and that I certainly don't expect my experience to colour theirs in any way. I found it helped me with difficulties in life that my parents were fairly upfront about difficulties they had had.

Pointing out that I was bullied 35 years ago for things that do not apply to them, in a school setting that was totally different to theirs, does not amount to being negative about education in general. The important message is "yes, I've had problems and I have overcome them". They also know I didn't like all of my teachers, that makes it ok for them not to like all of their teachers. They can see that this didn't stop me from working or behaving or getting qualifications, and that it hasn't ruined the whole of my life.

[gramercy]

You could tell them about a few bad times - and a few bad teachers -but also try to include a few good memories, or things that were very different in your day.

Actually I really enjoyed primary school (hated secondary) and have to try to hold my tongue about how much better it was in "olden" days or at least in a small village primary as opposed to a big homogenous training camp (personal gripe emoticon).

[cory]

One advantage I had was that my parents were teachers- so we didn't have to cling onto the fiction that all teachers are godlike beings who can never possibly be wrong. We knew, and they cheerfully agreed, that teachers are human beings like everybody else: some are brilliant, some are idiots, most are well meaning. That made my school life an awful lot easier to cope with.

[Flyonthewindscreen]

Thanks for replies, I think I will start being more honest with my own DC, pointing out that their own situation and school is very different from what mine was, along with trying to dredge up some cheerier memories for balance!

[drosophila]

I have told ds that I hated school as I had problems with spelling and stuff. Probably undiagnosed dyslexia. DS is much clever than I ever was and I could not understand why he hated school. Turns out he is dyslexic.

[piscesmoon]

I wouldn't tell them before they started!
However, if they were settled and happy I would and if they were having problems I would, so that they wouldn't feel it was just them.
You have to remember that they are not you and you are old to them, they can't really imagine you at their age. My father was only in his 20's when I was born and yet to me it was 'school in the olden days'-it never occurred to me that it had any relevance to my experience. We loved the story of my mother getting the cane and my father having the blackboard rubber thrown at his head-we were safe in the knowledge that it wouldn't happen in our school.

[bruffin]

DH was badly bullied at school and an undiagnosed dyslexic, so had a pretty awful school life.

I don't think we have ever mentioned it to DCs. Overall they are generally very happy at school, especially DD. DS has had more to contend with (literacy problems and a little bit of bullying) but he has come through it and is very happy at the moment. We have always given the attitude school is somewhere that should be enjoyable. If there is a problem we will do our best to sort it out.

[cory]

Pisces is right: timing is important. To start before they have even got there and may be imagining all sorts of horrors is too early.