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Sibling jealousy

(7 Posts)
kaz33 Sat 12-Jul-03 20:21:52

My gorgeous, happy, generous 23 month old DS1 is not dealing with his 6 week old brother very well. He has had a lot of change losing his fab nanny 2 weeks ago and being looked after by his mum full time.

The change is manifesting itself in tantrums, clinging, demanding to be picked up, pretending to cry.

Any advice ? And, as it is just a stage how long will it last ?

Thanks

3GirlsMum Sat 12-Jul-03 20:51:10

Kaz I would say that this also coincides with the terrible twos that all children hit. Could go on for a while. In the meantime you have to try and find time to do things with just him on occasions and to let your partner look after baby. It isnt necessarily any jealousy...my 20 month year old daughter is just the same as were the two before her...just a stage...but no time scale for it Im afraid. Good luck!

anais Sat 12-Jul-03 21:08:48

Repeat "It's just a phase, it will pass...it's just a phase, it will pass..."

Seriously, you have my sympathy, but I think it's understandable your ds is feeling a little insecure. That's a lot of change in quick succession, I think anyone would feel a little insecure, let alone a 23 month old who probably doesn't fully understand. The security and predictability of his life has taken a big jolt and he probably doesn't know what the affect will be. I would just give him lots of love and attention (not easy with a little one, I know) and just wait for him to settle into the changes. It will take time but he needs to be made to feel secure again.

HTH and good luck xxx

Jimjams Sat 12-Jul-03 23:22:45

Lots of patience.

DS1 was 2 1/2 when his brother was born and he was dreadful. He's autistic so he couldn't talk about it- but he would wake up screaming, completely withdrew, stopped playing with toys, completely rejected me.

Gradually things got better. We found homeopathy made a big difference (but we were a rather extreme case). Also a lot of cuddles and a lot of attention from daddy. After about 4 months things got a lot better, and we had out happy boy back. It's a huge shock for them, but he's pretty cute with his brother now.

janh Sun 13-Jul-03 10:15:53

kaz, I think this is more about the nanny than the baby. (THe same thing happened to a friend when the nanny left and she didn't even have a baby!)

I don't know how much time he spent with her, but at his age, the way his mind will work is, if she can just go, how does he know you won't go too? Just be as patient as you possibly can until he feels more confident...lots of luck!

kaz33 Sun 13-Jul-03 11:20:04

Thanks, you are right I think it has a lot to do with our nanny leaving. Don't know whether "spoilt" is the right word but our nanny really was top notch and actively played/communicated with him all the time she was looking after him. Not the type to plonk him in front of the TV. Lets be honest i was jealous !! Our dismissing her had a lot to do with money but also I think my desire to get close to my son. Looks like I got more than I bargained for !!

Enid Sun 13-Jul-03 16:16:41

Agree with others here that this sounds like a fairly understandable reaction. It doesnt necessarily mean he's jealous, just insecure.

My dd1 was exactly the same after dd2 was born, it lasted for AGES but now dd2 is 8 months and can respond to her they absolutely love each other - despite my MIL pointing out how 'jealous' dd1 was at every b****y opportunity!

23 months is a pretty normal age for this sort of behaviour to start manifesting itself anyway...new baby/no nanny or not. It should wear off when he's 18 or so

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