This is out of order - any advice how to approch this?

[London7]

Hi, I am quite angry about what a nursery teacher has said this morning about my daugher and it has also happened once before. My daughter is quite tall for her age and of course, that means she is heavier than children half her height. When the nursery teacher picked her up she said jokingly "We have to stop feeding you because you are getting heavy". I saw read but said to myself that I need some time to come up with a response that is going to stop this. How irresponsible is to say to a 2-year old that they are eating too much when I am struggling to make my daughter eat enough! If I tell the teacher off, she may pick on my daugher when nobody is looking. I will go and talk to the nursery manager but it would be nice to have some advice beforehand. Thank you.

[Adair]

I don't think she meant it offensively. It sounds like a jokey comment, I might say to either of my kids (both not particularly heavy for their age).

Next time you are there, you could say 'oh I know you probably didn't mean anything by it, but I don't want my daughter getting paranoid about her size. Please can you not joke about it with her. Thanks'

You can't 'tell the teacher off' , though even if you did, she wouldn't pick on your daughter because of it. that would be unprofessional.

I think you are being a bit sensitive tbh.

[cravingcroissants]

I think you are over reacting a bit.
I doubt the teacher meant anything by her comment. And anyway surely a 2 year old would not pick up on it anyway - why would a 2 year old be paranoid about their weight?

[London7]

Adair, I know I am oversensitive but I remember when I was a child I absolutely hated when somebody mentioned my weight because I was overweight. And even now as an adult, I still remember how badly it affected my confidence even though some of those comments were meant as a joke.

[mrsruffallo]

Goodness me, if you take offence at that remark then parenting is going to be a rocky road for you

[BessieBoots]

I also think you're being over-sensitive. I was alsooverweight as a child, and hated it, but I'd never think that what the nursery worker said had anything to do with being overweight- More about growing up!

[GypsyMoth]

goyodness me!!

a tad oversensitive!!

you need to pick your battles

[Adair]

I wondered if that might be the case. It's hard, isn't it? You need to tell the nursery teacher that you don't really like jokes like that. Imo she hasn't really done anything wrong - until she knows it offends you. And she won't know until you tell her (nicely!)

[Eglu]

I don't think you are over reacting at all. But then I was a child who constantly had comments on my weight. Actually for being too skinny, but it still hurt me.

I think you should mention that comments like that can make children hung up about their weight, so you would appreciate it if she didn't say that kind of thing again/#.

[lovechoc]

If it was said in a jokey context then please don't get offended. She was just making light of the situation, making conversation.

Better coming from a teacher than a pupil I'd say.

[IsItMeOr]

I don't think you're over-reacting - it's understandable why you're sensitive to this kind of remark.

And no, I didn't have any problem as a child that I can recall with people saying I was too big or too small. But lots of people do, and the fact that these remarks start so young is part of the problem imho, with the body image issues that girls in particular have.

A polite comment as Eglu suggests seems sensible to me, otherwise the teacher won't realise.

[waitingforbedtime]

Way too over sensitive. Ds is ridiculously tall, has broad shoulders etc and is very heavy - he is 3. I wouldnt care if someone said that to him and yes, he can be appalling aorund food at times.

Oh and as an aside, dont struggle to get her to eat enough unless there's a medical reason, just leave her to self regulate.

[Again]

I would be very upset too. It's a completely ridiculous thing to say. There's no need for any comments at all. Children shouldn't have to be burdened with any kind of labels.

[IsItMeOr]

I think it's unhelpful to think of yourself as over-sensitive, personally. I find it's much more productive when I acknowledge my feelings and then think about what, if anything, I want to do about them. Trying to deny your feelings is not a good way to go.

[Adair]

Agree, just because others have agreed that it wasn't intended to be hurtful, doesn't mean you can't share how it made you feel with the person who said it. Then they will know not to make jokes like that around you and your daughter and the situation will hopefully be resolved.

If you try to ignore, IMO you will get more and more frustrated.

[mamsnet]

You are putting your own issues onto your child, OP. The nursery worker made a jokey comment.. to a 2 year-old!

I'm sure if the child were older it would be different, but this is not the case.

[cory]

Those of you who remember insensitive comments about your weight- are you actually talking about when you were two? How many 2yos would actually care one way or another? THe problem is, if you have issues and then project those issues onto your child, then you are setting them up for a life of struggling with the same issues.

[IsItMeOr]

But mamsnet and cory - if people are in the habit of saying these things to 2 year olds, why are they going to think they're not okay to say to older children? Do you actually know for sure when a child could potentially start to take this in? Because I suspect it would vary greatly from child to child.

As I said, I haven't had these things said to me as a child, so far as I know. Yet I can see that it is upsetting to the parent and potentially harmful to the child. All for the sake of a fatuous, not actually funny, remark.

[mamsnet]

Well, I do think people think differently about what they would say to older children..

I for one would happily say "chubby cheeks" or similar to a small child (mine or a loved one) and not to an older child..

[lovely74]

This is an innocent comment said in a jokey light hearted way, so try and see it like this. It's understandable that you are sensitive to it of you faced issues like this growing up but remember your daughter is not you and the best thing you can do for her is help her foster a healthy attitude to food, eating and her body. I see friends of mine who have issues with food / weight beginning to transfer this onto their children, completely without realising it, and I really feel for them.
I don't think people generally make comments like this if they genuinely think that a child is actually overwieght. Unless they are very rude and insensitive or naive.