Encouraging A Child To Stand Up For Themselves

[WestCountryLass]

My DS is a young nearly 4 year old, he is a darling, big into Superheros and role play and is usually in a world of his own (with Superman) acting out scenes and zooming around the place.

The point is my DS is a sensitive soul and I have been very strict about hitting when he went through that phase and he does not stand up for himself.

Today we were at the park and a child, I thinka ges about 2.5, was battering him around the head and would not let him pass on a climbing frame and DS just stands there and takes it. This sort of scenario happens farely frequently with friends and children we meet in the park where they will hit him and he does nothing to defend himself.

What do I do? I encourage him to say "Please stop" and to run away from the situation but this sort of thing has been going on now for 6 months or so and he still does not retaliate. Today I told the little boy not to hit him and told DS to come with me for lunch and I said to him "for goodness sake, you don't have to take a battering, you've got to stand up for yourself" in exasperation, which made him cry as he thought I was telling him off

Help! I am flummoxed!

[Tortington]

not very pc this train of thuoght - but i don't care

it they hit you first hit them back. girls and boys both until the age of 13 - where i feel physically the genders differ.

thats my policy.

[dinny]

that's what I recently advised dd (3) to do when she was finding nursery hard....not exactly how I planned to raise her but necessary as she was getting trampled over.

[Blossomhill]

No advice but ds was and is to a certain degree still like this. However since being in year 2 (he is 8 in Jan) he has become more confident and does hit back, thankfully. It was almost as though something switched on inside and he takes less cr*p than he did.

[luckylady]

I started my DD in martial art classes (Taekwondo for 2 years and has now been doing kick boxing for 1 year) when she was 5. Although she never uses her techniques outside of class, it has given her more confidence and she stands up to bullies both in school and oin the parks.
She has been tol dby her instructer and myself that if a bully is hitting her and they won't bak off the she is to try and block the blows if this fails she has both our permission to hit them back.. She will not hit them though as she is frightened of hurting them!!. But she will open her mouth at them and give them what for... even if she sees people oicking on others. She alsways says "woiuld you like it if I did that to you" and if they say they are going to it her she says "I don't think so, i will have you on the floor before you get the chance!!"

This is working at the moment but I am going to have to sit with her as she gets older (nearly 9) and discuss her wording skills etc...

I would defo recommend martail art classes though for confidence, it also increased her attention span, school work improved and she enjoys keeping fit.. she is aspiring to do the next world championships... missed last year by 1kg.

[Nightynight]

Im with custard on this one.
I tell mine "dont EVER start a fight, but if someone hits you dont stand for it - hit them back." they know I wont stand up for them if I hear that theyve started a fight!

WCL, your experiences with your ds remind me a bit of myself as a child. Youve told him not to hit, so maybe he doesnt know how to stand up for himself?
Not all children automatically know how to stand up for themselves, or how to say No when other children want to take their stuff.
Not criticising, but how do you want your son to stand up for himself when someone hits him?

dx used to teach the children rude things to reply to other children! but he always stressed that they were ONLY to be used if someone else started it.

[flamesparrow]

I feel so much better - I thought I was the only one who goes with "well hit him back" . I hate being told tales, and am always of the opinion that they can sort it out for themselves.

I do need to work more on the relationship mine and my friend's toddler have though ... he was always letting my DD walk all over him, and I told him to take toys back off her if she snatched/hit her back etc... they now just have punch ups!!! We need to go back to square one of "don't hit anyone UNLESS they hit first!!!"

I'm turning other people's kids into thugs!!!

[WestCountryLass]

I don't really want him to hit other kids back, I would rather he walked away and did not play with them but if they followed him and continued to hit him then he has every right to defend himself. Of course a bit too complex to explain to a nearly 4 year old, I guess it is trial and error really and a learning experience for all concerned!