Worries over trying for #2

[LittleWhiteWolf]

Hi all, this is probably a stupid question but I have to ask.
Parents with more than one child, how did you decide when the time was right? I know its probably impossible to quantify, much like the decision to have a baby full stop, but I'd love to know if you dont mind?

We have a 10 1/2 month old DD who is the best thing on earth (of course!) and I've recently gone back to work. DH and I have been discussing when to try for number 2. We've always said we want to have 2 or 3 children, but now that we have DD I find myself stressing out at the prospect of trying for a second.
DH is keen to start soon: he suggested trying in August which is the month after DD turns 1, but I'm still unsure.
Actually, thats a massive understatement--the idea of trying to get pregnant fills me with terror! I had a wonderful pregnancy and birth and DD is such a joy, but I'm scared to have another one. I just keep on coming up with excuses for not having another baby, even though I do want one.
I think DH is confused because I was so certain when we started trying with DD and he's a bit thrown by me hesitance this time.

[Travellerintime]

Hi Whitewolf,
I know it might sound slightly strange, but the way I knew I was ready to have another was when I started feeling jealous when friends announced they were pregnant with their second.

For example, when dd was 9 months old, one of my friends with a baby the same age said she was pregnant again. I was pleased for her, but knew I absolutely didn't want that age gap for my kids - I would have felt like I'd had two babies. However, when dd was 2 and friends started saying they were pregnant, I started to feel jealous, and could no longer ignore the broodiness. It was an age thing for me as well; I'd had dd at 34, and by this time I was 36 and starting to read lots of articles about fertility slowing down after 35, so felt I should get on with it.

Dd was 3 years 3 months when ds arrived, and for me, that was a good age gap to cope with.

Your baby is still pretty young - and it sounds like you've recently started to get your life back again - maybe this is why you're feeling hesitant now?

[slushy06]

Hi whitewolf I always said I wanted two dc as I am a only child however I never felt right when ds 2 1/2 it was a now or never kinda deal so even though I was unsure we had dd. I started to get excited while tryinbg for dd but would then be terrified we caught straight away.

I was still changing between fear and happiness at 12 weeks but then it faded to happiness for a while till the end. DD is 9months now and from the day she was born I knew we had made the right choice I loved her instantly and everything fell into place.

I think the reason I was scared was because I was worried about how it would effect ds. Also if my feelings for him would change I can honestly say they havent and ds loves his little sister to pieces. We are so happy of the choice we made that we are thinking of dc3 . You need to examine why you don't feel ready and if it is because you don't want to divide your attention or you are worried about how your feelings will change or how it will effect your dd IME it wont go away until dc2 is born I am afraid. So I would pick the best time as far as everything else goes e.g money age gap.

[slushy06]

BTW I love my age gap too feel like me and ds got loads of quality time and so will dd while ds is in school. Also feel like ds got to be my baby for longer but that is what was right for me and my family you need to do what is right for you.

[FabIsGoingToGetFit]

We wanted loads. We had one and due to a terrible birth I decided no more. When he was 1 DH started talking about having another. I wasn't ready. 4 months later number 2 was on her way. I felt resentful at this intruder coming into our little family . DH would try and get me to rest when I wanted to still put DS1 first, not the baby. We now have 3, have lost 2 and secretly hope for a snip failure and another baby.

[LittleWhiteWolf]

Thanks guys. I think you've hit the nail on the head with all of your replies: I do feel like we have more of a life now DD is older and I do also feel that I might resent a new baby for taking my time and attention away from DD. I also worry my feelings towards DD might change too.

DH wants to think about starting TTC just after DD is one, but I'm still not convinced that will be the right time for me. I think once I'm pg I wont worry quite in the same way--I think we'll just keep discussing it every few months until it feels more right.

I'm glad it worked out the best for all of you and thanks for sharing your experiences!

[toja555]

I am 17 weeks pregnant with No.2. I just thought the longer I wait, the harder it will be to make a decision. Also was very afraid of fertility issues (which apparently I don?t have), but many of my friends and my own sister have struggled to conceive. Wanted my DS1 (who is now 2yo) to have a play mate so that I can have some peace to myself. Also I wanted to be done with babies when still young (I am 31) and get back my life on track. All sounds rather selfish reasons, isn?t it

[LittleWhiteWolf]

Toja, in essence any decision to have a child is somewhat selfish: we dont actually have them for the good of the world!

Your reasons make perfect sense to me!