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New baby/toddler situation - advice please!

(11 Posts)
kabamama Fri 05-Aug-05 14:30:28

Hello, I'm an infrequent poster but a frequent reader. Hope you can help

Second baby due in Feb - ds1 will be 23 months.

Question 1: what are the pros and cons of moving ds1 into a new room (around 2-3 months prior to new arrival) so that we can use his old room for new baby. Won't go into boring diy details but it would just suit us better that way. He's quite a chilled kid but I'm concerned that it may upset him or he may feel ousted by new baby.

Q2: Can anyone recommend any good books on how to deal with the new baby/toddler situation, i.e how/when to tell toddler, tactics for avoiding jealousy etc.

Thanks for your help!

K

Hausfrau Fri 05-Aug-05 14:32:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hausfrau Fri 05-Aug-05 14:33:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kabamama Fri 05-Aug-05 14:38:12

brilliant Hausfrau! - thank you!

PrettyCandles Fri 05-Aug-05 15:00:43

Involve ds1 in decorating his new room, let him choose things for it, make a big deal of it without any reference whatsoever to the baby. And the earlier you can get him into the new room, the better, as then he will be less likely to connect the two events. A suggestion: if he's still in a cot, then if at all possible don't take him out of the cot, get a new one for the baby. He will be much happier and more secure in his new room if he sleeps in a bed that he knows, plus, he is less likely to m ake the connection if he doesn't then see the baby sleeping in his old cot.

Avoiding jealousy - ha ha ha. I think it's inevitable, but of course you can make things a little easier. My wise HV todl me wehn dd was born "The baby needs love and milk - ds needs his Mummy" and with hindsight she was absolutely right. If you have any help, let them get on with the baby whenever poss, while you spend time with your ds1. Little children spell 'love' 'T-I-M-E' - naff but true.

colinsmommy Fri 05-Aug-05 16:29:33

I'm due at the end of the month, and DS turns 2 this month. I redecorated the spare room for him about 2 & 1/2 months ago, and found this wonderful plan of introducing him to his room, and had a timeline of how first we'd play in his new room, then graduate to naps in there, then overnight. I didn't want to spend the money to put him in a cot, so we got him a "big boy bed". I made sure to allow for plenty of time to do all this. The joke is that DH put the bed together close to DS's naptime, and DS just climbed in and slept in it that day and refused to go back to his cot. There's been several of my friends in the same situation, and we've all had a fairly easy transition, with maybe a night or 2 of them getting up several times, and then the novelty wears off. I think we were all much more worried than we needed to be.

As for Q2, I'm worried about that one myself!

Nemo1977 Fri 05-Aug-05 17:05:14

hi K
I am due in dec and ds will be 2 in oct. we have started to tell him there is a baby in mums tummy and then when a baby is on tv etc we reinforce that mummy is having one of those. We also have that book that was recommended and read it to him. Dont know how toavoid jealousy, my hope is that by involving him a lot then it will ease the situation and also making as much time as possible for him...so will probably do all my fawning over the baby when ds is in bed etc.

In regqards to the room we are doing the same. Ds is moving into back room which i am redecorating and doing with hsi fave theme of trains and cars so am hoping he will just generally prefer the room. My ds is also laid back so am hoping he isnt too bothered by the move and also 2/3mths to a toddler is a long time so they shouldnt feel ousted by a new baby. We want to have ds in the room by end of sept in time for his bday and then baby will be due 2mths later so hopefully he wont see a link.

good luck

kabamama Sat 06-Aug-05 09:28:37

Thank you all so much for your wise words, very helpful indeed. You're right Nemo1977, 2 months is a long time to a toddler - I remember how the summer holidays used to stretch ahead when I was at primary school so it must seem like years to ds1.

I like the idea of involving him in the decorating, although since he's only 16 months now and not talking yet I'm not sure how we'll be able to communicate on that one! Then again I reckon he'll have made some progress in 4 months time.

Colinsmummy - your post is v. reassuring, thank you. I hope we have a similar pain-free transition.

Good luck all with your new arrivals

bobbybob Sat 06-Aug-05 09:35:09

When ds was 16 months old we could have moved him into the garage at night and he wouldn't have cared less. I really don't think he would have had a concept of "his" then. He's 2.5 now and would notice if a new baby had any of his stuff. But then? - no way.

giraffeski Sat 06-Aug-05 09:45:45

Message withdrawn

kabamama Sat 06-Aug-05 10:02:41

lol Bobbybob, garage would be v. exciting option for ds1 right now.

Ah yes, giraffeski, I'd forgotten about the Moses time....not sure if that's due to pregnancy brain or natural stupidity .

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