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Any of your children still sleep in your bed?

(23 Posts)
pipkins Fri 05-Aug-05 00:23:52

Just wondering as my ds nearly 4 has always been a good sleeper.He went in his cot no problem then to a bed at about 2 and a half.He then started off in his bed and would come into ours in the middle of the night.He now refuses his bed and even if we put him in it when he is asleep he somehow knows and wakes up and gets into our bed.
My dd who is 2 sleeps in her room in her cot no problem,at the moment.

Poor old dh ends up in the spare room most nights.
I suspose or i know i have allowed this to continue but how do i stop it now?

Saacsmum Fri 05-Aug-05 00:36:50

While I have never tried it myself the advice I have seen says to return him to his own room immediately and consistently and also introduce rewards eg a sticker for going to bed in his own room, a sticker for staying there and say a small toy if he has six stickers etc. He is old enough to talk through your expectations and to be told how big he is and that you are so proud you will be when he sleeps in his own bed etc. HTH

pipkins Fri 05-Aug-05 00:39:01

Saacsmum,that sounds like a good idea.He loves stickers and making things so could get him inv involved in making the chart.

Carla Fri 05-Aug-05 00:47:27

pipkins, ours still sleep with us, (dd1 7 next week, dd2 6 in October).

My only regret is that dd1 sleeps with H.

I'd much rather have her in with us.

pipkins Fri 05-Aug-05 01:18:19

Hi Carla.I find it very comforting,he just looks so cute when sleeping.But I know this is purley selfish reasoning on my part.My dh's family are always saying he shoud be in his own bed blah blah blah.
Although i read somewhere in some European countries it is normal for the children to sleep in with the parents.

moozoboozo Fri 05-Aug-05 01:22:02

DS wont stay still long enough to sleep in our bed, and for a child who is less than 70cm tall, he can take up a lot of bloody room!!! He also pulls DPs chest hairs, which makes him v. unpopular

Chandra Fri 05-Aug-05 01:26:51

If you preffer him to sleep in his bed try to be consistent and as soon as you feel somebody is getting into your bed walk him back to his. You can take turns with your DH by keeping the bed childfree one hour each, it may take a couple of nights though.

Pixiefish Fri 05-Aug-05 03:39:14

My dd sleeps with me (18m). I don't see it as a problem yet as it doesn't bother me. There may come a day when it is a problem and I'll have to do something about it

marne Fri 05-Aug-05 08:38:13

DD has slept in her own room since she was 2 weeks old, she is 18 months now and has only slept in my bed twice and that was when she was ill. I would wory that she would fall out, i think she is safer in her cot.

starrynight Fri 05-Aug-05 08:46:13

Mine all slept with me til they were about 3 or 4 - til I could take their wriggling large bodies no more (yes, DH annoys me too ). Unfortunately, I can't remember how I got them into their beds. I think it was normally done with a room move-around and much false excitement all round! (bribery always seems to help in this house too )

triceratops Fri 05-Aug-05 08:48:13

Pipkins if you are doing it for other people it is going to be very difficult to stay consistant. You will end up confusing ds if he can see that you want him to sleep with you but you want him to sleep in his own bed too. Why not wait a few months to see if he makes the move on his own?

Ds sleeps with me and he is nearly four. We both sleep better like this and I don't see what is wrong with it. I would miss him if I didn't wake up with a vivid discription of his dreams about driving fast racing cars.

Iamalsohairyhercules Fri 05-Aug-05 09:03:13

Three in a bed by Deborah Jackson is good to read about cosleeping.

paolosgirl Fri 05-Aug-05 09:15:06

DD (nearly 6) end up in with me most nights - she comes through about 3am. DH is in the spare room most nights because of his horrendous (and I mean HORRENDOUS) snoring.

I give up...[sighs, aand rolls eyes heavenward emoticon]

pipkins Fri 05-Aug-05 15:22:46

Thanks everyone for your advice.
Will try and get him involved in changing his bedroom around and putting up a sticker chart.
Consistency seems to be the answer.
It,s just easier i must admit to keep him in my bed but know i should get him out of the habit for his sake.DD will be at it as well once she transfers from cot to a bed so should get ds in his bed before that!!!!!

No one mentioned what their dh/dp thought of the children always being in the bed.
Do they ever complain?My dh moans about the fact that it's our material bed ie what about sex!!!

bigdonna Fri 05-Aug-05 19:07:29

my 6yr old has just stopped sleeping in our bed,i really miss her.My dh never minded we did not find this a problem as i remember always being in my mums bed.Now they only sleep in my bed when not well .We bought a huge bed to fit four of us .if you dont mind pipkins dont worry about it they wont sleep with you when they are 16yrs i dh quite often went in with my son (who has a double bed).

dropinthe Fri 05-Aug-05 19:10:26

My 18 month ds until 2 weeks ago!

lucy5 Fri 05-Aug-05 19:21:37

My dd aged 4 sleep with us. She starts off in her own bed and wanders in at some point during the night. We thought about getting her up and putting her back but 99.9% of the time we dont notice. It means we all get a good nights sleep and stay in bed a bit longer in the morning. I'm so lazy, i assume she will grow out of it, as you dont hear of many teenagers in bed with their parents. We do have a lovely big bed though, I dont think I would be quite so relaxed if I was squashed.

hercules Fri 05-Aug-05 19:33:30

We coslept with ds until he was 6 and now cosleep with dd aged nearly 2.

We have a super king size bed so not sure how you'd do it without one.

Dh was brought up cosleeping in a culture where it's accepted so has no problems at all with it. I wasnt and would never have considered cosleeping had it not been for dh.

Dh occasionally snuggles up to ds if they are sleeping at the same time although as he does nights now this is rare. Mind you judging by a recent camping expedition where they shared a sleeping pod, they just argued the whole time about space.

sobernow Fri 05-Aug-05 20:04:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pacinofan Sun 07-Aug-05 13:18:53

DD slept with me from about 18 months until 2 1/2. I would say if you are both happy with the situation, then fine. But reading your post I suspect you're not. My DH was in the spare room too, and tbh it was DH that was more cheesed off with things than I was. It only started because DH works away a lot and I was so tired that if she cried in the night, it was easier just to bring her into our bed. And of course the habit was hell to break.

Eventually, it took a heart to heart with our health visitor at dd's 2 1/2 year check. She recommended using the 'controlled crying' technique as per Toddler Taming by Dr Christopher Green. We had also just bought her first bed, and really I think it was that that made the switch. 2 nights of waking once or twice and yes, it takes loads of willpower to keep putting her back, but it worked. DH and me have had our own bed for about 2 months now and I can honestly say it feels great, we are like teenagers again! (well, almost)! It has also boosted my confidence in my parenting skills as this was really getting me down. Now feel ready to tackle potty training! Anyway, would recommend the Toddler Taming book, there are usually quite a lot on Ebay really cheap or I borrowed mine from the library. Good luck!

suzywong Sun 07-Aug-05 13:59:19

yes we co sleep with ds2, 23months

well I say"we" I mean dh does, I am on the bottom bunk of ds1.
The problem is we were not strict enough on ourselves regarding settling ds2 in his cot and got in to the "haul him in bed and get back to sleep asap" routine.

I am in the other room as we only have 2 bedrooms available and ds2's cot and therefore he, is in our room, The reason is that if I am in the bed, even playing dead and hiding under covers, he sniffs me down and roars if he wakes in the night (and he invariably does, we have really given up trying to find out whey) and has to come in to bed and play with my hair for the duration. This way if he wakes in the night and dh can't pat him down in his cot then and brings him in to bed then at least I get a full night's sleep. Well I say full night we are all up at 6.30.

Anyway, what ds2 doesn't know is that when he turns 2 next month he is going cold turkey from his night time BF and he's on ds1's bottom bunk - we expect a certain amount of sleepwalking but it will be worth it.

If we had room to put him in a bedroom of his own I doubt this pattern would have been set.

suzywong Sun 07-Aug-05 14:00:22

also, as sobernow and others's so NICE to have a warm snuggle in bed with your little one, they won't be doing it for ever and they will always remember the security.

pipkins Sun 07-Aug-05 16:14:15

Thanks for your replys.It is very comforting to snuggle up with them and I keep saying to myself they won't be small for long so I want to treasure those moments now.

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