I think my 6 year old ds is gay - and I am worried.

[bibbitybobbityhat]

I worry about him being bullied at school. Does this still happen?

[belledechocolatefluffybunny]

He's a bit young for you to be making assumptions to be honest.

[bibbitybobbityhat]

I know. Its a strong feeling, if I can put it like that. Not really an assumption.

[GypsyMoth]

its a big thing in ds's year....year 7,they are 11/12....maybe not in hearing of the teachers,but after school/on school bus etc

my neighbours dd was calling my ds 'gay' and making fun....so i went and spoke to her telling her that its unacceptable. they are from a different culture and environment so i thought it best to have a word and explained homophobic behaviour is as bad as racism so not tolerated. its not happened since. just education isnt it?

[GypsyMoth]

my mil (ex0 knew her ds was gay from around 4/5 years. maybe a lucky guess but doubt it....she just knew....mothers instinct and all that

[CrispyTheCrisp]

Sadly, i would say, yes it would be quite common. Boys love to call each other 'gay' without even knowing what it means mostly. I would would have imagined slightly older boys doing it but i guess you never know.

Hope he is ok and can stand up for himself physically and emotionally. From all i have heard if bullies are 'challenged' by their victims it rarely continues. Would he be able to say something back do you think? Maybe furnish him with some clever one line retorts he can use to blow the wind from their sails?

[brimfull]

my dd is 18 and has 3 or 4 gay friends who are openly gay and proud and have been for a good few yrs.
I think kids these days are much more open minded and accepting .DD says they don't get teased at all.
I expect the young tweenies are the ones that will resort to teasing.
Confidence is the key I think.

[EddieIzzardismyhero]

The use of the word 'gay' when teasing is nothing to do with being homosexual though is it? It's used indiscriminately to mean anything that's crap . I used to challenge it all the time as I find it totally unacceptable, but I know some adults (including teachers) don't think it's too bad and even use it themselves .

I would agree with ggirl, many of my friends' teenagers have gay friends and it seems so much more acceptable then it was when I was a teenager which is great .

[bibbitybobbityhat]

Yes, I am hoping there is a more enlightened attitude nowadays. Am just trying to remember when I first understood that some people were gay - I was definitely in secondary school, perhaps as old as 13 or 14.

9 year old dd asked me what being gay meant the other night (she heard something on R4 when we were eating dinner) so I explained it in simple terms and ds piped up "I want to be gay!" bless him.

P.S. That is not the reason why I think he might be gay, but it is telling that he said it .

[brimfull]

at dd's 18th there were 5or 6 openly gay kids there and not an eyelid was batted, male and female btw

[MrsRhettButler]

yea, its definitely more accepted even where i live (very multicultural area, not known for being accepting of homosexuality) a lot of the teenagers are 'coming out'... a thing that would have been unheard of and met with total hatred while i was a teenager. So things are looking up

and depending on where you live it can actually be viewed as a wonderful thing (anyone who's anyone needs a gay bff)

[GypsyMoth]

my teens are cool with it.....my 7 and 11 year old boys,not so

[ConDemNation]

Bibbity, I think one of mine is probably gay, as well. It's difficult to know for sure. and I/we could be completely wrong.

But there are certain things, you know...he is very sensitive.

[Glitterandglue]

As far as being bullied full stop - it totally depends on the atmosphere within the school, the kids, their families etc...you can never tell.

If there is bullying, it could be about anything at all, and you're better off trying to help your DS feel comfortable and confident with himself rather than trying to hide differences, as that confidence is the best thing ever to get bullies to step back. [Not to say you were planning to get him to hide, there, just advice as it's some people's instinct and it almost never works.]

As far as being bullied for being gay goes, in primary school the insult 'gay' is bandied about but with almost no recognition of its tie to homosexuality. There was a kid in my group of friends at primary who was blatantly gay from a young age [we didn't pick up on it till we were older, but with hindsight it was clear from the beginning] but he never got bullied about being effeminate, hanging around with a group of girls or anything like that.

In secondary school you might get a bit of low-level stuff from years 7-9 but assuming the school is decent it should get stamped out pretty quick if it is there, and beyond that these days most kids tend to be pretty accepting. 15 seemed to be the golden age for coming out in my group of peers [I'm 23] and for all those a few years either side of me.

Like I say anyway - if people are determined to bully they will pick on absolutely anything they can. Much better to concentrate on teaching your kids to be happy with and confident in themselves - and also to know how to deal with bullying if it does happen.

[Mumof2x]

Can I just ask out of intrest why you think he may be gay?
x

[aSilverLining]

I agree that current teens are much more accepting of each other as individuals than they were when I was a teen. One of my teen relatives is gay and all her friends and family now know and are supportive, she has had a bit of teasing I think but nothing hse couldn't handle as she knows that "those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind".

I think sometimes mum do just know, but time will tell for you wither way I guess OP, I would simply continue as you are explaining things and showing you are supportive and open minded.

[tiredemma]

Can I ask also why you think he is gay?

[Glitterandglue]

Should add too that am pretty damn sure my nephew is gay. He's seven - I've thought it since I first started seeing him regularly when he was just 5, his mum has thought it since he was 2 and my cousin and her girlfriend both thought it when they first properly met him a year ago. All of these guesses were made without prior knowledge of anyone else's thoughts! He's not really effeminate, he's very rough-and-tumble, he doesn't fit the stereotype but he just pings my gaydar. His 5 year old brother on the other hand could easily fit the stereotype, but I can't see him being gay.

For those asking why OP might think her son is gay, can't answer for her but I can just say myself, there is just a strong feeling I get. I've not been wrong so far.

[bibbitybobbityhat]

He is sensitive. He is very affectionate towards his male friends (puts his arms round them). He does loads of drawings and colouring and sits down and concentrates (in this respect he could just be in touch with his feminine side). He always has an opinion on what I am wearing and what dd is wearing, and suggests changes of outfit if it doesn't look right! He hates having dirty hands. When he was very young he played with dolls and pretended to breastfeed them. He is extremely attached to me. He just doesn't get along with the rough and tumble boys at school. He loves to watch my dd at her ballet class. Once he and a little girl at school both went to get a drink from the water fountain at the same time and she accidentally licked him and he was really horrified! But, really, its none of these things, its just a feeling. I have a gay brother and sister and loads of gay friends (background in theatre).

[RooBear]

I knew someone like that at primary school bibbity he played netball (the only boy on the team)was very sensitive etc... Roll on 20 years I met his lovely fiance last month! x either way I wouldn't worry he was never bullied, had good mates.

[RooBear]

thats female fiance btw!

[wb]

Agree with LeninGrad.

[bibbitybobbityhat]

Well he really won't have to worry about parental support and acceptance .