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1st birthday - we have no mates!

31 replies

MayContainNuts · 05/05/2010 22:50

Ok, DS will turn one next week... and we haven't got anything organised to celebrate his first birthday.
We've recently moved houses. We have no family, or friends with children, living in the area.
We have no money to spend on hiring a venue -I'm not working at the moment so totally reliant on DH's wage.
Plus we wouldn't have anyone to invite! The few people we know live out of town, and the children in that group amount to a grand total of 4.
On top of that I'm pnd, so I've lost touch with many people because I can't face socialising. I know, I know, socialising does me good, but I just can't take the stress of seeing anyone, nevermind inviting them round to my house with their brood.
DH is also a johnny nomates so he doesn't have any friends with children either.
I feel totally depressed for failing to make this day special for my baby. He's lovely and outgoing and it pains me to think he might be suffering from our -especially, though not exclusively, my- lack of social interaction.
I thought maybe I could invite the people we know for a meal at a child friendly restaurant but that sounds stingy and more of an adults affair. I think he deserves much better though I don't know what to do, and no ideas are forthcoming from DH.
Sorry for going on. Any suggestions?

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MoChan · 05/05/2010 23:00

Don't be hard on yourself. He's only one, and he won't remember it. You don't need to have one, and if you do, it will be for the adults, really, not the children.

My DD will be three in August, and hasn't had a proper party yet (I'm planning on one this year because she now knows what a party is!). It would have been pointless before. We had nobody to invite, and were going through some busy and stressful times.

Honestly, just have a quiet birthday tea, and enjoy it for what it is.

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MoChan · 05/05/2010 23:03

PS I completely understand the thing about feeling bad because he's lovely and outgoing, my DD is too - but this is just one day, and there are other days. I found going to a play group helped - dd has made a few little friends that we visit now.

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BaDaBing · 05/05/2010 23:08

Forget the party idea - go and do something you'll enjoy as a family. Could be trip to the beach, zoo, swimming etc. Ds is too young to notice what happens and will enjoy being with you and dp. no point stressing over a party which you can't afford and won't enjoy.

Congats on surviving the 1st year btw

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LadyBee · 05/05/2010 23:08

I agree, 1st birthdays are more of a big deal for the adults than the baby. In fact, I think your idea about a meal at a child-friend restaurant is excellent. If you put the invitation as a 'help us celebrate surviving the first year' it makes it clear what the emphasis is on, it's not at your house so no stress about catering/cleaning/hosting, and it might be a casual way to re-kindle some of the lost friendships.
We had 1 guest for DS's first birthday and it was his uncle. We had our childminder and her children and one other couple with a closely-aged child for his recent 2nd. DS was completely overwhelmed and wanted to leave when he attended a friend's birthday party the week before but can list who came to his "birfday" and still talks happily about it. Small is absolutely fine.

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bluejeans · 05/05/2010 23:36

I felt like this when DD turned 1 - felt as if I should have loads of mummy friends with babies the same age - I wasn't one for toddler groups so barely knew anyone. To mark the occasion we ended up having a party for adults at our house in the afternoon/evening which was a kind of 'survived the first year' celebration combined with a house-warming - could you do something like this? DD had a ball (although she went to bed way before the end )

You have the next 10 years or so to host kids' parties and once your DS is at nursery/school you will get to know lots of people, even if you can't imagine it now!

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stealthsquiggle · 05/05/2010 23:42

Have something really small - tea and cake for people you know well and can face inviting - even if that means no other children. All you are looking for is the gorgeous smiles from DS and the photos. A plan for socialising can wait for another day.

At 1 he is as happy socialising with adults as other babies IMHO - they don't play together anyway - when/if you feel able to be brave (or find one friend who will hold your hand) then find a toddler group once he is confident on his feet.

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RebeccaRabbit · 06/05/2010 02:52

Blow up some balloons, make/buy a birthday cake and have a party for just the 3 of you. Put some kids' music on the CD player and play musical bumps and pass the parcel - DS can win everytime. You'll have a ball

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thumbwitch · 06/05/2010 04:47

Know the feeling too - just have a teaparty yourselves. For DS's 2nd birthday we had no one else either, because we'd just moved to Australia - the only extra family was Grandma. We ended up going to the zoo for the day which DS loved.

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CaptainNancy · 06/05/2010 06:39

Don't feel bad- he won't remember!
We took dd to a children's farm for her first- she absolutely lov ed it. For ds... um I'm ashamed to say I can't remember... and it was only 3 mo ago

Hope you all have a lovely day, and congratulations on your ds turning 1.

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grumpykat25 · 06/05/2010 08:41

I can't remember my first birthday- can you? Don't worry about it, have a lovely jelly and ice cream party for three on the day and go for a meal at the child friendly restaurant you were thinking of the following weekend. Loads of my friends have babies turning 1/2 at the moment, and they don't have big kiddie parties yet- no point, a lot of hassle and expense that they won't even remember! Dd is only 10 weeks at the moment, but I can't see me having a big party either.
Well done for making it through the first year, and happy birthday to your ds!

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grumpykat25 · 06/05/2010 08:43

p.s. I totally understand the not wanting to socialise thing- my dd was an ivf baby, and I lost the will to see people as the treatment got under way. I'm only just starting to feel comfortable "in public" again, so although socialising does you good, do it at your own pace and with small groups of understanding people. Sending you lots of happy thoughts, now go and make a jelly! x

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Ineedsomesleep · 06/05/2010 08:45

If you are on a tight budget I'd ditch the idea of a meal out, it sounds too expensive.

Why not take him out?

Me and my sister took DS to Blue Planet for his 0st birthday and then just had a few sandwiches and cakes for tea. He had a lovely day.

Don't be hard on yourself, I can't even remember what we did for DD's 1st

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LadyintheRadiator · 06/05/2010 08:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsflux · 06/05/2010 09:58

I have a reasonable number of friends with and without babies. Ds is the youngest of our group so in the weeks running up to his birthday we went to a few parties. ALL the birthday boys/girls were v unhappy as they were freaked out by the whole thing- lots of people, some strangers, other babies touching their stuff etc!
We kept it low key. We had a day out with closest friends and their boys at zoo. Family came on day - but only immediate, we went to pizza express and ds loved it- eating grown up food, smiling at waitress wandering round table etc.
Do something you know you all will enjoy.

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shell96 · 06/05/2010 13:01

We had DS's 1st birthday recently - just had family round in the evening for a BBQ. The only other child there was my nephew (6 months older than DS) and even though it was all people DS knew and we were in our own home he was still a bit overwhelmed by the number of people around. He was very clingy for the first hald hour or so but once he settled down he thoroughly enjoyed being the centre of attention!

He has no other little friends as I am a bit anti social and never went to toddlers/playgroup or anything and now I am back at work he is at MIL's all day so doesnt see anyone else there either but it does mean that when he sees other kids (swimming class is about the only place or at the park) he is totally fascinated by them.

Just do something nice that you will remember as a special day

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MayContainNuts · 07/05/2010 10:31

Hi, thanks for the "don't worry" thoughts everyone.
I've spoken with a couple of people who advised against a party, so we've decided we'll take him to the Butterfly World or Deep Sea World -we'll see on the day. He'll enjoy that I think.
If I get industrious I'll bake a cake, if not we'll go past m&s
Funnily enough, I took DS to the park yesterday and there was this nice lady who I've seen there a couple of times. She has a lovely little girl who, it turns out, is just two days younger that DS. She wasn't planning on a big party either, only a small celebration, to which we got invited there and then! so potentially, DS has now a wee friend.

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somewhereinlondon · 07/05/2010 10:36

I agree with the responses here, don't get upset. Moving to a new area is hard, you'll get settled soon enough and will make new friends for yourself and your child will too.

If money is tight, can you just go out for 'birthday' dessert and coffee, bubs will can sit in a high chair feeling all grown up, you and DH can have a lovely time out.

A day out is another great idea, not sure where you live but a zoo or petting farm would be lot's of fun. Check train 2-4-1 offers.

My first ds1 had a big party. DS2 just the family, cake and balloons and much more fun

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mollymax · 07/05/2010 10:48

Please just enjoy the day as a family, take lots of photos and relax! good to hear you have made a new friend..... It is very daunting talking to new people, but remember most people are in the same position as you. Have a lovely day

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stealthsquiggle · 07/05/2010 10:49

Yay for the new friends (for you and for DS) - well done you!

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thumbwitch · 07/05/2010 15:42

oh so pleased you have new friends for you both - and Butterfly or Deep Sea World sound great for your DS. We took DS to Chessington when he was just 1; it was winter so only the zoo part was open (and the SeaLife centre) and he loved it.

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inthesticks · 08/05/2010 17:23

4 is the earliest I would consider a party.
When mine were 1 we had a cake with one candle on and invited the grandparents for tea.
(The occaision is more special for you than the baby I think.). Take lots of photos and show him when he's older.

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mumblechum · 08/05/2010 17:26

I wouldn't dream of having a party for a one year old! Ds was eithr 3 or 4 for his first party, any younger and they don't get the point imo.

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thirdname · 08/05/2010 17:29

sorry but this is a child's first birthday we are talking about?? We didn't invite anyone. Bought a boc of duplo and a birthday cake which I ate myself, that's it. (

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silverdogflower · 09/05/2010 11:18

Agree with all posters on here. I have got 3 DCs and have never done a 1st or 2nd birthday party! Stay at home and relax, give small presents and do nice cake (i.e one that you and DH like!) with a candle. Take photos. Most importantly - you and DH celebrate surviving a year of parenthood! On all of my DCs birthdays I insist on nice bottle of wine/nice food once DCs in bed. We reminisce about day they were born (all births quite stressful!) and boost each other up that we have survived so far! (We are both quite prone to feeling that we are getting this parenting lark all wrong!)

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Firawla · 09/05/2010 12:19

He's only one so he wont really know the difference. A day out or small family birthday tea @ home sounds better than a big party anyway, as others have mentioned sometimes @ that age they don't really like it if you pack out the house with loads of people and other kids anyway.

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