Feeling Guilty for shouting-is it just me??

[whippybamboo]

Hi,

Can anyone relate? Or am I just being a bad mum? At least i feel like a bad mum...

At the moment my son is 2 and 10 months. Sometimes depending on my mood; how tired I am, how stressed I feel, how patient I can be, I find his behaviour really hard to deal with. I guess he could be a typical toddler; at times contrary, very demanding, shouts at me, he hits me when sometimes when he doesn't get his own way. In the last couple of days I have had a bit of a melt down, and felt overwhelmed, I'm also about 30 weeks pregnant and feeling so spaced out. I have really shouted at him a couple of times, and I didn't even really know I was going to shout at him before I did it.
I just snapped and screamed. I felt so tired yesterday and my DS can really push and push the limits.

When I'm feeling on top of things I can be patient, but not in the last couple of days. I feel so guilty about losing control in this way , I mean he's only almost 3 and I'm the adult, and I made him cry. (I feel so ashamed writing that). I also feel that it's a bad example and I've noticed that he shouts obviously because I have. Does it harm them?? Sorry if this is a bit rambly, but does this happen to other mums? When you're on your own, it's easy to look at all the other mums and see them as so patient and perfect. I think, 'I bet so and so doesn't shout at their child', I end up thinking I'm the only one.

[TheBreastmilksOnMe]

Guilt is such a common emotion for us mums to feel! We have all had days like this and have beaten ourselves up for it later but you need to cut yourself some slack girl! No-one is perfect! You're in the later stages of pregnancy, you're tired, exhausted and hormonal and you have a toddler to entertain and bring up! It's no wonder you snapped!

Put it behind you and let your standards slip a little. You can work on your toddler after you have got some of your energy back after the baby is born (more like in a few years time!) You havn't damaged your DS, it's already forgotten about to him.

Can you get some help with him? Can he go to playgroup for a few mornings a week or to a child minders? Or can a family member help you out?

Try getting him involved with some nice quiet activities such as reading books together, playing outdoors with sand and water, taking him to a playground, poping to mother and toddler groups so he can expend some energy and you can have some grown-up time with other mums.

He is just being a toddler, yes he will copy you but todlers are loud and boisterous anyway. So stop feeling guilty and give yourself a break as you are doing an amazing job and tomorrow's another day. XX

[whippybamboo]

Thank you, thank you, thank you...yes I am feeling very hormonal and emotional, particularly in this 3rd trimester of pregnancy.
I have to forgive myself, as DS has completely forgotton, you're right. Thanks for the tips

[mckenzie]

ditto everything TheBreastmilkson me said. I friend said the only thing that keep her going most days was that although she might not be the 'best mother' in the world, she was the 'best that she can be'. I've been in your shoes lots of times whippy. Try to give yourself a break, mentally as well as physically. And the fact that you recognise the times when you're losing it is great. Unfortunately there are some children who live with that sort of parental behaviour 100% of the time.

[overmydeadbody]

You are not the only one. And no one is perfect, every parent looses it and shouts sometimes.


You may find the book 'How to talk so kids listen and listen so kids talk' useful tohugh.


give yourself a break, you are pregnant with a toddler!

[addledmummybrain]

I am crying as I write this as I am repeatedly doing the same. Feel so ashamed for intimidating my darling boy, who weirdly is also 2 years and 10 months. I also am pregnant, though without the excuse of being in my final trimester. I have been very ill recently and the strain has meant not sleeping at night, making me ill tempered etc All the excuses in the world isn't stopping the guilt I feel, its been particularly bad the last day or two. I do feel better that I am not alone though, and hope that I can do the same for you

[angel1976]

whippy and addled Do you both have any help for when DC2 arrives? Please make sure you do. I don't want to scare you but things will get tougher when DC2 arrives. Your DC1 might act up more as they now have a rival for mummy's attention. I am very guilty of 'shouty mum' syndrome and I found myself at the very worst at the end of the day dealing with two (DS1 is 2.3 and very demanding while DS2 is almost 7 months old and very sweet and placid though a difficult feeder).

It really helped in the early days that we have friends coming to take DS1 out while I rested at home with DS2. Now DH and I take turns having one-on-one with DS1 so he doesn't feel pushed out. Also, DS1 seems to behave impeccably for my ILs when they have him (which unfortunately is not quite often enough! ). DS1 also loves nursery and he goes 3 days a week, which really helps. Sometimes, it really helps for you and your child to spend apart. Sometime DS1 makes me so angry with his toddler behaviour but I always miss him when we spend time apart!

[fufflebum]

I can completely relate to your post. It is normal to get cross in front of your children and to shout. As long as you do not shout at your children every time you talk to them there will be no harm done!

I shouted at my two last night when they were having a bath only to realise our bathroom window was open and our neighbour was out there cleaning his windows! Not only did I feel guilty for shouting at them but silly that someone else heard it.

I agree with angel1976 about needing extra support when your baby is born. My children are 5 and 2 and I can assure you that at any age the desire to lose your temper is there.

Incidentally I think that parents who say they never lose their temper with their children are fibbing. Children need to see their parents express a range of emotions. It is not so much whether you shout but how you deal with your child after you have shouted at them. If you have been unreasonable apologise and explain to your son (obviously in a way he understands). When things are calmer explain what they did that made you feel angry and why.

[LaDiDaDi]

I've been there too! Some days I;m better now but I still do feel terrified that I;ve harmed dd.

[tvfriend]

I feel like the world's shoutiest mother at the moment. DD is ALSO 2.10- you are not alone! I did tell DH that I'd been really grumpy yesterday and DD said 'you weren't grumpy Mummy' so I don't think it affects her. DS is 17 months and he has started really playing up too which I don't think helps.