could other parents please help us decide...

[BarbieLovesKen]

Am really caught on this one - I generally completely over think things as a rule and wish I was more easy going.

We KNOW our family is not finished yet. Definately not.

We have 2 lovely little ones - but with a 4 year, 3 month gap. Ideally we would have had a smaller space between them but dd was a suprise and we needed to build a house, get married etc.. before the next one.

Im a public sector worker (Health Service) and am aware how unbelievably lucky I am to be basically guaranteed maternity pay.

We are trying to decide on when to have our next little one. DS is 11 weeks tomorrow, I will be back in work 1st November. I adore DS and hes a fabulous little baby, but speaking to other mothers of many, they have all said "have them all together".. I dont have the experience of small children in the house as my dd is quite "manageable" by the time ds arrived - could mammys with a small space (or smaller than mine at least!!) please give me their honest, no frills experiences??

Their reasons: They grow up together - close, have always someone to play with, go out and occupy eachother, raise eachother to a degree in the respect that they learn so so much from eachother.

My MIL had 5, ages now: 28, 26, 24, 22 and 19

She told me the last, (the 4 year gap) was without a doubt the most difficult, back to nappies, night feeds etc.. the rest were just getting easier and she was getting her freedom (obviously to a degree) back etc.,. when he a arrived.

Am really torn. I HATE being pregnant, but feel blessed because I can be. Part of me says: enjoy this little man, give it time, work will be so mad, money etc..

Other part says - do it now - while its so fresh, get it out of the way (know that sounds awful - but again, hate pregnancy but would have 100 babies in the house (",))

Could anyone please give me their thoughts/ experiences/ advice?

Am also really worried about what work would say, but then again, after being bullied SEVERLY for being pregnant, I dont feel too many loyalties..

Thanks for readingxx

[Milliways]

I loved my 4.5 year gap, as coulod treat both as an "only child" as DD was at school when DS arrived. I do agree with the difficulty in adjusting to sleeplessness etc though.

One of my SIL's had a 54 week gap! That was worse than twins she reckoned and with the oldest still such a baby when 2nd arrived she really struggled.

My other SIL has 4 children, roughly 2 years apart each, and she coped just fine and loved it.

There is no ideal. Really boils down to how tired you want to be for how long!

[morejuiceplease]

I have a 2 year gap, by dds are 18m and 3.6, I think it's a great age gap as they getvon really well and are best of friends, although they do torment each othr, I suspect that's more to do with being siblings than anything to do with the age gap.

I was lucky as dd2 slept through the night at 3 weeks old so not really huge amount of sleep deprivation which would have made it much harder in the eRky days.

I must admit that I'd like dc3, but not planning it till dd1 is in school as I suspect having 3 under 5 is more than I can cope with. I do vaguely remember having a preg scare when dd2 was a couple of months old and completely panicking on how I would ever cope with 3, so it can't have been all roses although I seem to have blockEd out the really HD bits

[thisisyesterday]

i havea 2yr 9 month gap between my first 2, then a 19month gap between 2 and 3

if i was doing it again i would do the whole "natural child spacing" thing and go for a 4 year gap between all of them

ds1 was 4yrs and 4 months when ds3 arrived and it was just lovely! he was chuffed with the new baby, he was old enough to be helpful and look after him, and accepting that i needed to do things with the baby sometimes

it;s bloody hard looking after a newborn and a toddler, and i really wish that i had let them each grow up a bit and have more time with me before having the next one. also, you have a child and a baby rather than 2 babies, so it is easier, and the older one has less pressing needs than a younger toddler/baby so it;s easier to work with

i think they'll be close regardless of the age gap tbh, i know a couple of people with bigger age gaps whose children just adore each other, it;s down to the children not the age

[NoahAndTheWhale]

I have found a 22 month age gap fine but I suppose that's what I have IYKWIM.

[somewhereinlondon]

I have 14 month age gap. 2 years & 3 years.
I desperately want number 3 but will wait until ds1 is in school (if not both) or have ds2 in nursery five mornings.
I do feel that ds2 has missed out a bit, he gets dragged along to most things we do with ds1. He is also being quite a brat as he has the older brother harrassing playing with him.
Here's an example of how hard with the close age gap and still so young, on the weekend we went to a new playground, quite large, all open, + inside play area. I had to basically stay with ds2 and hope that ds1 would visualise enough to reassure me he hadn't run away. We were inside gardens so he couldn't have left but he still could have wandered off without me knowing.
I want to be able to enjoy having a newborn and think the longer gap will give me that.

[OhWhatNoooow]

I have 4 dc, with 2 years between each one. Its been hard, chaotic, mad...always one or two in nappies...but, they all get on great and play really cool imaginative games together and basically occupy themselves. I opted to have them all in one go so to speak as I dont want to deal with the baby stage when I'm older, thats the only reason. Maybe i'll want another later on, but I'm happy i had mine close together as family life is so much fun

[SalFresco]

I'm in a similar situation to you (with even less space!) and am going to go for a larger gap. For some practical reasons (hopefully we will be able to at least think about getting somewhere with more space) and becuause I feel it is somehow "unfair" on DS2 not to ever get much attention (it feels like) and DS1 starting school in September means there will be some time for him then.

Also, DH has a horror or "middle child syndrome" becuase of his awful older brother, who is a typical middle! However, as many posters have pointed out, whatever happens you make work for you - if I had an unexpected pregnancy before I planned it, I'm sure I would focus on all the benefits of whatever age gap I ended up with!