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Help me get out of this parenting blunder

(22 Posts)
trefusis Mon 25-Jul-05 21:38:17

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chicagomum Mon 25-Jul-05 21:45:45

is there a different treat that you could withdraw from dd1 and explain to her that as dd2 behaved its not fair she should miss out and as dh isn't home you have to take both or neither of them out

trefusis Mon 25-Jul-05 21:47:38

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gigglinggoblin Mon 25-Jul-05 21:50:03

have been in similar situation. we went out, but i chose ds1s tea (something very sensible) rather than him getting to choose like normal and he missed out on pudding and fizzy pop, so although he got to go, it was not the same experience as ds2 got. explain why you are going, and make sure dd1 thanks dd2 for being good and getting them there at all

serenity Mon 25-Jul-05 21:50:37

I think 6.5 is old enough to be able to swap punishments. Tell her that she is going to get to go on the treat but only because of DD2's good behaviour, but she will loose X as a punishment instead.

How about DD2 gets a dessert at the meal and DD1 doesn't, or DD2 is allowed sweets/popcorn/treat at the film and DD1 isn't? Or as it was the dolls she was misbehaving with, why don't you take them away for a set period?

I get frustrated with this as well, sometimes it's hard to punish one without it reflecting on the others. I don't think it will do any harm though to back down on the nature of the punishment as opposed to backing down all together.

Good luck......

kid Mon 25-Jul-05 21:50:52

Did DD1 ask for the tea before the film? If so, how about you say you can still go and see the film but not go out for tea.

collision Mon 25-Jul-05 21:51:03

I can be a bit of a soft touch and seeing as I had promised them a night out would still do it (esp after they were so good at not kicking up a fuss) but tell dd1 that she was on a warning and other things were in jeopardy if she kept up with the attitude.

tortoiseshell Mon 25-Jul-05 21:52:02

Could she earn back the meal, by doing jobs in the morning?

trefusis Mon 25-Jul-05 21:57:05

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trefusis Mon 25-Jul-05 21:57:52

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trefusis Mon 25-Jul-05 22:04:16

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collision Mon 25-Jul-05 22:05:53

I think dd1 sounds very mature for her age and I am glad you have sorted it out.

chicagomum Mon 25-Jul-05 22:07:53

don't you just hate it when you warn them with a punishment and then haveto see it through? A couple of weeks ago it was my fil's birthday and we were at a restaraunt, dd was misbehaving and i told her if she didn't behave i'd take her home so of course she didn't so i had to go just as the food arrived! walked home so fast in such a bad mood gave myself blisters from my high heels (when dh arrived home he was bearing a bottle of red wine and a huge slice of carry-out chocolate cake }

serenity Mon 25-Jul-05 22:08:38

well done!

Do you want to come over and sort my three out now?!

trefusis Mon 25-Jul-05 22:10:57

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serenity Mon 25-Jul-05 22:21:07

Oh god yes.

We've only just started having to resort this too (DS1 is 7 and DS2 is 5). We took away game boy and console rights for a week a couple of months ago for something major I can't remember. I think it was worse for me than them. I'm used to letting them play whilst I tidy up and sort dinner out, but for a week I had to do that and chivvy them into doing something worth while!

trefusis Mon 25-Jul-05 22:26:02

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collision Mon 25-Jul-05 22:29:44

It is hard work this parenting lark!!

We have found that taking Rex, ds's favourite dinosaur, works wonders!! Even if it is only for 10 minutes.

marthamoo Mon 25-Jul-05 22:33:05

Oh what a dilemma. My first thought is take them both to the pictures but make dd1 wear earplugs and a blindfold. Not an option?

Well then...I agree it's not fair to penalise dd2 when she was blameless, so I would sit dd1 down tomorrow, read the riot act, pile on the guilt, stress that she is only going because you have no other option that doesn't punish dd2 as well. Stress that if your dh was there to mind her she would not be going. She's old enough to understand all that.

Then, hopefully she will be sobbing, wracked with guilt and truly repentant - so go, and have a good time

marthamoo Mon 25-Jul-05 22:35:07

Oh too late, you're sorted already. She sounds pretty guilty (and nicely concerned about her younger sister). Sorted...this time

trefusis Mon 25-Jul-05 22:35:34

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tortoiseshell Mon 25-Jul-05 23:06:22

Glad you've got it sorted! I hate having to withdraw treats from ds, makes me as sad as him! Hope you have a good time tomorrow evening!

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