teenage daughter and tatoo

[ladygaga1]

i'm upset to discover my 18 year old daughter has had a substantial tatoo on her leg. she doesn't know that i know yet, not going to say anything just yet, if at all. i'm disappointed as we have had lots of discussions and i knew she'd do it one day so have tried to encourage a small tatoo that
can be hidden.... but no it has to be a right in the face one. Comments?

[Maggie00]

oh dear. Well, at least when she's 40+ she probably won't be wearing clothes that show it and feeling ashamed of it. In 20 years time the laser removal techniques will be fantastic and much cheaper.

I'd hate it if my dd did this too. I hate tattoes. Is it on the top half of her leg?

[ladygaga1]

oh no you wouldn't see it then would you! on her calf

[Maggie00]

oh dear. well maybe loads of people will be along in a minute to tell you how classy their tattoos are!

Don't react at all when she sees you 'see' it for the first time. Shrug and say do you want a cup of tea?

[ladygaga1]

will try my best thanks

[izzybiz]

Oh no. My Ds is 17 and I know he will be the tattoo "sort" when he is older.

I had a tattoo when I was 17 and another at 19, it was cool at the time, im 33 now and I hate them Don't get me wrong, I do actually like tattoos but I wish I had waited till I was much older and had them somewhere else. One is just below my collar bone and the other is at the top of my arm.
I had another when I was much older at the bottom of my back that I love.

I keep trying to drum it in to Ds that he should wait till hes older, have something that means something to him one day, not just get one for the sake of having one IYKWIM.

[dolphin13]

Are you my sister, she hasn't seen her daughters tatoo yet on her leg. Shit will hit the fan when she does.

My dd has 4 small ones all can be hidden but I still hate them.

[heavenstobetsy]

since she's hiding it from you she knows your views so there's nothing more to say - and anyway, it can't be undone whatever you say.

I agree with Maggie, just don't comment at all - I remember my brother sitting down to sunday lunch with his lovely new tattoo on full show and my mum not batting an eyelid even though we both knew she HATED it. Very effective!

[ladygaga1]

to screaming eagle do you have an 18 year old?

[Maggie00]

Yes, I thought screamingeagle's comment was a bit odd! once your children are 18, just treat them like strangers!?

[MrIC]

did she do it just to piss you off do you think?

one of my friends wanted a tattoo aged 20 but got a huge lecture from his dad at the lunch table when he raised the subject "oh, you'll hate it when you're older... so tacky... blah blah". anyway, result of said lecture was he ditched his previous plan of a discreet shoulder blade tattoo and went for a full on forearm sleeve...

pretty petty behaviour on the part of my friend, granted, but my point is that often any attempt on parents to influence their teenage/young adult offspring can have the opposite effect.

will the tattoo really affect the way you feel about her? I'm sure the answer to that is "no" in which case does it honestly matter?

[coldtits]

It doesn't matter who 'has' or does not 'have (nice use of the possessive there ) an 18 year old, the fact remains that she is old enough to have sex, move out, get married, have a baby, be convicted as an adult and go to an adult prison, drive a car and hold a responsible job.

She's an adult. You don't get to have hissy fits over what she chooses to draw on her leg.

[coldtits]

You don't have to treat someone as a stranger to respect their age and NOT treat them like they're 12.

[fortyplus]

I won't be turning off parental help and guidance on my children's 18th birthdays, either. What a strange attitude. Just because something is legal and the child can do it without your consent, it doesn't mean that you should say nothing.

[TrinityIsFuckingTrying]

'tattoo 'sort''

oh dear

[ladygaga1]

no of course it won't change the way i feel about her but i'm sure she will regret having such a large tatoo on her leg unless she plans to wear trousers forever.
Not sure what's going through her mind at the moment, she's not very happy and i've tried to talk to her about why she says she doesn't know which i guess lots of teenagers feel at this age. I am worried that she's making decisions in this frame of mind and will regret them later but there's nothing i can do about it.

[coldtits]

But being determined to give 'help and guidance' does not mean that an 18 year old won't quite rightfully decide it is absolutely none of your business.

The need for help and guidance should be given out by the offspring's need to receive it, not the parent's need to give it.

[TulipsInTheRain]

I got two tattoes at 16 and still love them to bits 10 years later so don't presume that she'll suddenly hate it when she 'grows up'

It might not be your taste, but it's clearly hers and a leg is alot better a place if she does want to cover it up than her arm.

Relax, stop acting as if it's a huge drama and resect the fact that as an adult she's made a decision to do this.... i know as mothers we feel oddly possessive about our children's bodies due to all the hard work it took to grow them but unfortunately despite that we get absolutely no say in what they choose to do to them

[fortyplus]

I've always said to mine that I will never tell them not to smoke/do drugs etc - it's their decision not mine. Fortunately for me both of mine have said that they don't like tattoos. Fingers crossed that continues - or if they do have one it's on their bum!

[SoupDragon]

Dear god, I wasn't an adult/grown up at 18. Legally I was, of course but, with hindsight, I knew nothing.

[fortyplus]

I suppose those who think that 18 year olds should be allowed to do what they like should maybe expect them to leave home too? I wouldn't want someone liveing with me who didn't at least have some regard for my opinions

[coldtits]

I suppose those who think 18 year old women should do as they are told just because they share a living space also expect to be able to dictate to their husbands too!

[Maggie00]

urrr, I don't think so! It's not rocket science, most people and there is a statistic available regret getting a tattoo. An 18 year old can envisage feeling differently at 30 or 25. Her image might be rebellious now, and in three years it might be completely different. Who'd want to pick a style and be held to it at 18!?

The OP didn't dictate to her daughter, she's just upset that her daughter has done this.

[coldtits]

And I wouldn't expect my 18 year old to leave home just because I also wouldn't expect her to do as she's told. Hyperbole can cut both ways.