coping with 'bad' days tips: (looking for some!!)

[lunarx]

i was wondering if other moms here would like to share some tips on how they cope with those bad days when it all seems to go to h*ll and back. when your ds/dd seems to whinge without end, cries all the time, seems to want to do everything and get into everything that you don't want them too.
couple that with all other everyday stresses and it can be complete misery!!

so, how do you keep your cool, keep ahold of the situation and NOT lose control? (i dont mean shouting, yelling or anything, but just that feeling of losing control of the situation..)- or even, shouting and yelling (might as well add these too)- how do you keep it together when the day just comes down on you like a ton of bricks without mercy?

thanks ladies.. and i hope this thread can give inspiration to others too!!

[flamesparrow]

I'm looking for the answer too

For me it ends up with DD being shut in her room for whatever was the final straw, and me sitting sobbing here (normally on Marslady), drinking tea, waiting to calm down!

[starlover]

shut the kids in a room.
go and make a cup of tea
and then think about all the times when things are great, and the kids are behaving and being lovely!

when you feel like exploding at them walk away. count to ten. and ask yourself DOES IT REALLY MATTER?

you know, ignoring actually works really well with the whining.
i used to look after a little girl who would whine constatnly... for no reason. she wouldn;'t come and ask for a drink, it had to be a whine
so i used to say to her "when you ask me properly i'll listen to you" and then ignore her until she asked nicely.

kids HATE being ignored!

[cadbury]

I'd like to know too

Having a very bad week here.

[Spoo]

I have a 6 month old. I am sure he works out when I am having a bad day and just adds to it. He has just been sick on my arm whilst typing. Yuk!

[lunarx]

:hugs to those having bad weeks:

i hope this weekend is better for us all!!!

[frannyf]

I don't know if this would help other people but I have found it helps if we do something slightly silly and completely different from what we normally do: get in the bath together at 11 in the morning, have a picnic lunch sitting on the floor, draw with (washable) felt tips on each others' legs etc. I find if we are having a bad day it is often because I am in a bad mood and things just deteriorate from there. Doing something funny and surprising together, just for 20 mins or so, breaks the cycle, and even if nothing else goes right for the rest of the day, we have had a bit of fun together.

We also are lucky in that we live a few minutes away from a fab cafe with a garden and I often run away there for a huge piece of cake

[basketcase]

When mine play me up I have to get out of the house and go somewhere, anywhere, preferably outdoors. Just leaving the environment and being somewhere different seems to clear the air and change the centre of focus.
My kids are very used to the "right, everyone stop... shoes on fast as we are outta here..."

Will keep my eye on this thread to see some other tips.

[unicorn]

Talk here on Mumsnet!!!!!!!

You will always find someone who will make you feel you aren't the worse mother in the world.

Other than that...
Get outdoors ... let kids run off some of their energy etc.. ideally with other kids and mums/dads you can talk to.

We've all been there (some more than others!)

[dot1]

having been looking after our 2 ds's (3 & 1) on my own today, with very little sleep and a broken toe I can relate to this!

I find going from room to room's good - don't get stuck in one room. I go upstairs to our bedroom (where the PC handily is!) and the kids will follow and amuse themselves for 10 minutes or so - or into one of their rooms - just for a change of scene. Then going back downstairs and make a cup of coffee - even if you don't really want one - just for something a bit different to do!

By that time you can justify going into the living room and sticking a video/CBeebies on!!

[Spoo]

Dotty! What a star.

[dot1]

thank god dp's back now so I've someone to moan to!!

[Donbean]

We were sat in the garden yesterday when next door went totally bazerk at her 2 (4 & 7.
She was OUTA CONTROL...so i text her... (yes i text my next door neighbour!)
"my kettle just boiled, leave kids with dh and come for quiet alf hour"
I know precisely how she is feeling but had to smile as that was day 1 of the hols!
Bless her, bloody nightmare, i dont know how she is going to get through the next 6 weeks.
She some times just opens my front door and shoves her 4 year old through and says "ill be back in 10 mins" Face like thunder, then stomps off.
We play...i dont ask.... then she comes back looking better. she is ace!

[Donbean]

Sorry, my question is do you have any one that you could turn to in desperate times, family or friends?

[lunarx]

was that question to me? >donbean
(sometimes i'm a bit thick!)

(and its been a long sleep-deprived sunday!!)

[PeachyClair]

I congratulate myself each time I get through a day as a decent Mum, and really do take it one day (or night) at a time. Especially with ds1 who has SN, it makes a difference and slowly I am building up my self esteem too

[fruitful]

If dd (3yo) is causing the bad day by whining a lot, then I need to stop what I'm doing and give her focused attention for 20 minutes. If ds (5mo) is causing the bad day, we need to go out for a walk. If it's me, then I get tea and a biscuit and get on the phone to a friend.

Friends and I regularly phone each other to say "help, need to get out, what are you doing this afternoon".

Finding a job that dd can help with is useful too. Like, "right, we're going to clean the windows". And ds gets moved from room to room with us so he is happy too.

Clearing the living room of toys, putting music on, and dd and I dance around. Ds watches and loves it. And it means dd is happy to tidy up and I get a clear room!

[lunarx]

dancing around and singing with ds, however loud and offkey, always cheers BOTH of us into lots of laughs....

[Donbean]

Today, i confess to walking out of the front door and dead heading some flowers in the front garden while ds was throwing THE mother of all tantrums.
When i walked back in he was still angrily screaming....sitting on the naughty stool....chewing on a grape...not that angry then!

[swedishmum]

I know the feeling too well! I find I really need to get out of the house - I think I'm the opposite of whatever agorophobic is....

Sometimes it's the noise that really gets to me, even when no-one's misbehaving. Castles, parks etc work for me. It's just the feeling of always being in charge. We went to see friends last night but I just can't relax as I worry no. 4's trashing their stuff. Dh away so just down to me.

My best advice is to accept bad days - my 1st came when the first of my 4 developed colic on my 30th birthday. I didn't get dressed all day, accepted the fact and had my birthday the next day. Go with the flow and remember the good times. Yuck, I should write greetings card "feelings"!

[lunarx]

thats a positive outlook, swedishmum =)

yesterday was so difficult in the morning, ds is teething a lot and was whinging so much and i was feeling generally down and lonely for my friends/family back in the US, that after lunch time, we went out for a walk in the rain! (raincovers, etc in place!) and i think we both felt better for it.

sometimes just getting out of the house is a big help!!

[Bugsy2]

I find making a plan for the day helps. Doesn't have to be anything big or grand but just in the morning we'll do this (walk to shops/library/clothes recycling bin) and in the afternoon we'll do something else.
If it is going badly pear-shaped then getting shoes on everyone and getting out of the house nearly always breaks the cycle - even if you just walk to the local postbox!
I've used the bath in the middle of the day thing on a number of occasions.

[Issymum]

Me too Bugsy2. If it is all turning ugly and I'm really going to lose it, I run a bath for the DDs (2 and 4 yo), chuck a huge amount of bubble bath into it, give them some unusual toys (jugs, sieves, measuring cups etc from the kitchen) and kickback in the bathroom with a magazine while they play. There is something about the confined space and the single choice of activity that seems to work for them. Very passive supervision (popping your head over the top of your magazine every now and then and muttering 'lovely') works too. I've even been know to feed them lunch in the bath too - carrot batons and other now drownable food works well!

It's also one less thing to do when bedtime comes round.