Preparing 15 month old for new sibling

[crabb]

My DD is having her second baby in 5 weeks, and my DGD1 will be just shy of 15 months old when the new baby arrives.

Anyone out there with a similar age gap in their family with any hints about how to prepare number one? She is too young to understand really. And any good ideas about coping with two so close together when the baby's here?

[crabb]

Bump!

I'm not a controlling granny, really, just my daughter hasn't got internet access at the moment, and I thought it would be helpful for her to read about others' experiences.

Although after reading "AIBU... to not want 2nd child for sake of beloved DD?", maybe she won't want to hear about how nightmareish the first year with two close together is likely to be!

I've forgotten how it all felt, and I just want to help her prepare!And I am concerned how DGD1 will react as she's been the centre of parental and grandparental devotion, attention, and photography (first grandchild both sides) all her short life.

[harimosmummy]

I had my second child when my first child was 14MO.

There is little you can really do in terms of preparation as they are so little. I'd recommend not introducing any other big changes (I've held off potty training, even though I think DS is ready for instance) and I'd recommend making any changes NOW (for instance, DS sat in his high chair until DD started to be weaned. Then I moved DD to the high chair and DS to a booster seat... He didn't really like that and couldn't understand why DD was in 'his' chair... With hindsight, I should have moved DS to the booster seat before DD started to use the high chair.

FWIW, I haven't had a single issue with the two of them. I doubt DS can remember any time when DD wasn't here. We are a team - He kisses and cuddles her.

I am alone with the kids during the week (DH works away) so we do a lot (everything!) together - the kids eat together, they bath together... I'm even thinking of moving them into the same room now as they seem to sleep better together too.

They are now 7MO and 20MO.

Hope all goes well with the birth. The hardest thing for me was staying in hospital with DD while DS went home. I felt dreadful about that and couldn't wait to get home (I had an El CS)

[nooka]

I agree with harimosmummy. My two are 16mths apart and I don't recall doing anything much apart from keeping ds's life as similar as possible. Oh and getting as much support from my family as possible! It is very hard to start with, but then it's great. ds and dd are now 10 and 9 and they really are very good friends. There are some practical advantages to having two children at very similar stages - things like not worrying about the bigger one being mean to the littler one because they are essentially the same size, or finding things they both like to do, because essentially they both like the same things. Regarding sibling rivalry one thing that I think really helps is that with a very small gap usually the older child really can't remember a time when they didn't have their younger sibling - I think really because at this age children live totally in the now.

[Clayhead]

I agree with the other posters - dd just never remembered a time when ds wasn't there (and would get quite cross if I suggested there had been!!).

They are nearly 7 and 8 now and it's fab.

[girlsyearapart]

same here dd1 was 1 when dd2 was born- in fact I was in hospital giving birth while she had her birthday party..

She can't remember what it was like without her sister and they get on great. We kept the routine as normal as possible but no other changes really.

I think the problems with sibling rivalry etc will happen this time as the dds will be nearly 2 and 3 when baby no 3 arrives..

Though it was hard work at first I am so glad we did it so close together.My sister has a 4 year gap between her oldest two and it;s a challenge finding things they both like to do.

[crabb]

Thanks for your replies! The fact she won't remember a time without her brother/sister is a very good point, I hadn't thought of it like that.
Do you remember what worked for you in getting through that early time, e.g coping with the toddler when feeding the new baby?

[Nettiespagetti]

mine were a bit older but i went mad on groups early on. DS was just 2 when DD came. I thought go anywhere where he can have some fun and be occupied whilst i concentrated on feeding DD.

My two are the best company for each other they have great fun and i'm sure your two will too

[harimosmummy]

I just let DS do something he enjoyed if we were in the house (play with certain toys, watch a DVD) while I fed DD.... Or if we were out, he would get a special treat - a biscuit or something...

He did like to have a bottle of his own when DD was being fed, which I largely allowed him to have, but with toddler milk.

It's much easier since DD started weaning, as it means they eat together and they eat the same things - DD just has hers pureed!!

I think it was a case of neccessity, but my two have very similar routines - they eat, nap, bath and sleep at the same times as each other... That has been a great help for me.

I'm also fortunate to have a wonderful nanny share, which means I do get some time 1-2-1 with each of the kids each week.

[girlsyearapart]

Same here with the routine- they eat/nap/bath/sleep at the same times.Makes it much easier.

If people ask what to buy your older child suggest easy crafty type things/new books/dvds to occupy him.

We pretty much let her mainline cbeebies for a while..

Another tip is to lay the next day's clothes out the night before and we had a good bath mat from Mothercare which was called aqua pod I think- a seat for the baby from when it can sit upright so your hands are free to wash older child.

Groups are a good idea, people always love to hold a newborn if you need to help your toddler out and it will keep the older one occupied/tire them out

[cambridgekate]

there are some lovely picture books that you can show the older one just before baby comes - introduces the idea of babies even if she doesn't really understand the full implcations for her family.
'there's a hous inside my mummy' is a great book with good pictures with fab rhymes whih she won't understand but will enjoy looking at all the same and is something she can enjoy reading with mummy before baby comes.

[crabb]

Thanks for the book suggestion - have ordered it!

[LittlePushka]

hi Crabb! Mine are 17mth apart. i seconad everything above,..of course! When DS2 arrived DS1 had had his baby doll for about a week. When I came home from hospital we just included my baby and his in DS1's usual routine,...not a problem. ANd in fact after a week or two, DS1 just abandoned his doll and dealt with the real thing (you know,..nappies, bathtime, brushing his non-existent hair etc etc!

They are 2 & 3 now,...and so close its a delight to see them play. But they are very different characters - so I would say for your DD, in managing them, they sometimes need a different approach or tactic.

Good luck to you and your DD!

[gingerbaby]

I was thinking about trying for number two when ds was 16 months old and I thought that was a small age gap! I'd love them close, I think I might go and suck up to DH some more.