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MIL's - really p**d off....

(15 Posts)
ssd Sun 17-Jul-05 11:54:58

Just back from our hols and dh has just phoned his mum to say he's bringing the boys up for a visit. Both boys have got lots to tell about their hols and wanted to tell grandparents. Also they haven't seen the boys for almost 3 weeks, dh faithfully takes them to visit on a Sunday, but hasn't been able to go for a while. Anyway, yesterday dh was looking forward to taking our boys up to see their grandparents to tell them about our holiday in St. Ives. But when dh phones his mum to say he'll be up to visit, she says oh no it's not convienent, their daughter also lives with them (she's 33) and was doing a night shift last night so we can't visit as we might wake her up. Dh offered to visit later on, but MIL says oh no, leave it till next week or the next. I feel so sorry for dh, his parents only have 2 grandchildren - our 2!!- but they can't be bothered with them at all. Dh feels really p**d off, but they are elderly and he doesn't say anything.

Does anyone else have a MIL who can't be bothered with her only grandchildren?

Tortington Sun 17-Jul-05 12:05:23

i have a MIL who is not right bothered about my kids as she has her "favourite gk's"

we moved 300 miles away and now they dont see them - they get birthday pressies and everything ( which they didnt used to)

you could either move - or dont take the kids to see her unless she asks

jessicaandbumpsmummy Sun 17-Jul-05 12:07:41

my god cust - you could be me!

My MIL is too hooked up on her other two grandchildren to care about Jess or the bump. It's jess's 1st birthday next week, they went on holiday yesterday for 2 weeks, and all we have had is a bucket of bricks with the price tag still on not wrapped and given to us 2 months ago at a family wedding..... £5! Is that all her Grandaughter is worth?! Not a happy subject in my house at the moment!

Pinotmum Sun 17-Jul-05 12:14:23

My dh's mum is too wrapped up in herself to really bother with her grand children. She rings dh to talk about herself and forgets to ask how the kids are half the time, though she does ask how the weather is. For Christmas and birthdays she now just sends money as she can't be bothered shopping for pressies (her words). The thing is my 2 would prefer a parcel rather than money cos they are only 2 yo and 4 yo. She has one favourite grand daughter who is now getting to big to want to visit so but she has her photos all over the house!

ssd Sun 17-Jul-05 17:29:21

Thing is, I could almost understand it if she had a lot more grandkids but our two are her only ones!

And we only live 5 miles away, but she never ever visits, and never calls to ask about the kids. Never ever.

Rarrie Sun 17-Jul-05 22:07:38

MIls are a strange beast! Mine simply adores my DD (her only GK) when they're together, but as my husband puts it, when she goes home its like she puts my DD back in the box and forgets about her until next time!

Like you , she rarely asks how DD is doing (but then she rarely asks anything about our lives) she just comes over, talks about herself and her favourite son and leaves again. I wouldn't mind but I have diddly squat interest in her life!

Now I don't bother getting involved at all - if she makes the effort, I'll reciprocate, but that's it. I've not been to visit since Xmas (we live less than an hour away) and they don't seem to have noticed or cared much... but I have noticed that they are making a bit more of an effort now that I've completely stopped. So maybe try that.... leave all contact up to them and see if they try a bit harder?

Tortington Mon 18-Jul-05 01:12:52

my PIL were always skint ded sorry and all that to buy teh kids anything for birthday - fair enough. then a couple of days later she would with delights show me a bargain she had picked up for favourite grandkid!

a couple of months ago on my trip back home, she told me that when they die the house would be sold and the youngest grandchild of the favourite son would get the money.

i just nod - as i cant get my head round it - i think she forgets who she is talking to when she says these things. i mean really out of the 13 grandkids - she tells me one is to get the money from the sale of her house. - why tell me?

Flum Mon 18-Jul-05 01:17:02

I think Grannies are naturally closer to their daughters kids than their sons. I know that is the case with my mum and would expect it to be the case if SIL had kids too.

ssd Mon 18-Jul-05 10:30:27

I know what you mean Flum, but as the mother of two boys I intend to be a great MIL!! If you don't have daughters it's hard to hear that, so I intend to do something about it when and if the time comes.

Kids are asking today when they can visit grandparents, but dh doesn't feel in the least welcome. We are the ones who make contact ALL THE TIME, MIL hasn't phoned here in at least a year, if I phone her she might and only might ask just as I'm saying goodbye "oh, how's the boys" I say fine, she says goodbye. It's like she 's forgotten she has any grandkids at all. I know it hurts dh. His siblings get all the attention and they've done very little to make grandparents proud, but even if dh's brother buys a new pen grandma phones up dh to say guess what X did today, like it's startling news (and his brother is 46!!!never married.....). But both our boys are doing well and she asks nothing about them.

Stupid cow

Flum Mon 18-Jul-05 22:48:26

Go to an old peoples home and adopt a Granny. bet a local one would be full of kind ladies whos grizzly grandkids never bother to visit.

Bellie Mon 18-Jul-05 22:54:17

my MIL is the same - she went on at me and dh for years about having children and now she has her first gk (our dd) she doesn't want to know. Also the only things that she has ever brought dd are for age 3-4 ffs!! I am convinced it is because she wanted us to have a boy.
Still it is her loss is the way I try to look at it, but I do feel for dh who doesn't say anything but I know is upset by it all.

milward Mon 18-Jul-05 23:31:36

My mother doesn't ask anything about her only grandchildren. She doesn't talk to me anymore and doesn't care about her grandkids. She sends pressies at christmas & when I ring tells me to get lost!! Have told my eldest dd that she's not well - but it's difficult for kids to understand why their gran doesn't care. Her first granson will be born in sept - she'll love telling her sister about this as her sister doesn't have gran kids but in reality will just get on with her own sad life that involves just her and her complaints.

zenia Mon 18-Jul-05 23:33:16

Why bother with MIL - WE HAVE GIVEN UP!!

ssd Tue 19-Jul-05 08:33:10

Bellie, you sound the same as us. It does hurt dh but he doesn't admit it. His siblings do bugger all and it's all MIL GOES ON ABOUT.

I don't like to admit it but I really can't stand my dh's family

Bellie Wed 20-Jul-05 07:14:05

ssd - snap! I do feel sorry for them at the same time though as dh is an only child so if they alienate its not like they have any other children to be close to

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