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How much "quality time" does your dh have with the children per day?

(39 Posts)
emkana Thu 14-Jul-05 19:19:18

Dh leaves for work at 7.30 am. In the morning he only has a brief chat with dd1 and dd2, if they're awake this early. At night he comes home around 6 pm. He chats to them while getting changed, then we all have dinner together, then he helps with bathtime/putting pyjamas on, then he reads dd1 a story (dd2 insists on me, but one day she'll hopefully join into this routine.). By then it's about 7.15 pm. So he doesn't really see them an awful lot... I always have visions of all these fathers up and down the country who spent hours after work in meaningful play with their offspring. What's the reality like?

PS: At the weekend we're normally together as a family all the time, even though dh IMO doesn't "interact" enough with the children. He'll chat to them, do a bit of rough and tumble or whatever, but never does playdough or playing with any other of their toys with them. I don't think his parents really played with him, so he doesn't know how to/doesn't see the need. Gets to me sometimes. Also I think he'd find it easier to play with them if we had boys with boys' toys, not Barbie and Baby Annabel and all that.

fishfinger Thu 14-Jul-05 19:20:36

yep sounds right

kama Thu 14-Jul-05 19:23:06

Message withdrawn

Nemo1977 Thu 14-Jul-05 19:23:08

everyday is hard for my dh as he works 8-9 quite afew days a week. Although on his day off he has started to take ds out for a couple of hours swimming or to the park etc. Think he struggles to spend any longer as he is tired from work and also our ds is only 21mths and is one of those prefer toplay alone kids.

MaloryTowers Thu 14-Jul-05 19:39:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Janh Thu 14-Jul-05 19:46:14

Given his hours that sounds pretty good actually, emkana. When my DDs were little DH worked really locally, 10 mins away, so he left home after they went to school and got home at about 5.30, which was so lucky, I didn't realise at the time. (Now he leaves home before 7 and gets back about 6.30, I would have found that very hard when they were little).

I think for yours to have that 1¼hrs with him every evening is great, actually - chat/dinner/bath/story sounds lovely .

PiccadillyCircus Thu 14-Jul-05 19:49:41

On the days I work, DH has quality time with DS in the morning until about 8:30am although the reality of that is probably not always that much quality.

He comes home at variable times, if it's 6pm then that's early; if it's before 7pm then he will see DS, after that he probably won't. This time also varies in quality.

At the weekend he does more things but it depends exactly what we're doing. I do get a lie in sometimes which is nice, but DH also has a habit of falling asleep in the afternoon, which does make me a bit .

Overall no complaints though .

PiccadillyCircus Thu 14-Jul-05 19:57:28

He does also get some "quality" time during the night but this is really not something we are trying to encourage (also the heartrending cries of "Muuuuuuuuuuuumy" get me out of bed anyway.

Today he will have zero time with DS as he left before he woke up (unusually late waking for DS) and is out this evening.

Blondeinlondon Thu 14-Jul-05 19:57:50

DH only sees DS (5 mths) at the weekend
DH sometimes sees DS in the morning (for all of 5 mins) if DS wakes for his feed before he leaves for work.
It's a shame but my pleas for him to come home earlier just don't seem to work

morningpaper Thu 14-Jul-05 20:07:58

Aw this makes me realise how LUCKY I am.

DH wakes up dd at 7am and breakfasts/telly with her until he leaves at 8.15. (He usually sends her in to 'wake me up' and I roll downstairs and read the paper during this time.)

He gets back at 6pm, I have dinner on the table and we eat dinner together, then he washes up and baths her, reads her stories until she is knackered and then puts her to bed.

He is fully 'responsible' during these times IYKWIM so I suppose it's a good 3 hours a day.

Hulababy Thu 14-Jul-05 20:15:35

2 days a week Dh is in charge of nursery run in the morning, so he will get DD up (after I have left for work normally), eat breakfast with her, shower and dress her, and then drive her to nursery (where they sing and talk apparantly). He then gets home about 6:15-6:30 and we all have dinner together. Dh will play with DD whilst I cook and serve dinner. After dinner often DH will play a bot more with DD for half an hour os so, before the bedtime routine. He will sometimes do stories too, although I do that moreoften than he does. Weekends are generally spent as a family, the three of us together - going out for day; eating out; visiting friends/relatives; walk to park;; etc.

Dh is the one who will play rough and tumble with DD most. He will also be more likely to play sports stuff with her - bat and ball studd, running about, climbing. He will, if she initiates it, join in with imaginery play with shops, dolls or her kitchen. Or if she asks to play with jigsaws, board games he will join in with her. He will also join her watching the odd children's TV and talk about it, but not join in with actions/sayings, etc as such.

Dh wouldn't think to do arts and painting, baking, playdoh, messy play, or to initiate play with actual toys as such though.

wordsmith Thu 14-Jul-05 20:44:27

Emkana sounds as though your DH does quite a lot in comparison if he only gets home at 6pm. A lots of h's would just flop and say they need time to relax! MY DH works from home so time spent with the kids varies, but on weekdays he normally gives them their breakfast, sometimes takes them to school/nursery and picks them up, and we often eat together at around 5.30, depending on whether he's here or not. But he doesn't work regular hours and often has to have meetings after normal working hours (he's a recruitment consultnat so sometimes candidates can only see him out of hours) so frequently isn't around for bathtime and bedtime.

One thing he always tries to do is pick DS1 up from school on Friday and take him swimming. But he doesn't often have both kids on his own without me - normally one or the other.

I think dads are good at the rough and tumble side of playing, esp with boys. My DH would find it hard to do Barbie things (but so would I).

misdee Thu 14-Jul-05 20:45:09

most days none, on a good day 3-4 hours/

twirlaround Thu 14-Jul-05 20:47:39

Surely few dads are home from work before 6.30pm - if work normally ends at 5.30 and there is normally 30 mins or more commute home.

So can't really see that many dads can do as much as your dh to be honest! It's normally bedtime routine rather than play time by the time most dads get in I think, and I am sure that a good many leave putting the kids to bed to the mother.

I think your kids are getting a good deal from dh

nooka Thu 14-Jul-05 21:02:50

My dh is a stay at home dad, so he is there all the time that they are home. I get about an hour with them in the morning, I wouldn't say it was particularly quality, but I think we enjoy having breakfast together. In the evening I'm early if I'm home by 6.30, and they are in bed by 7.30. To be honest if I'm home earlier than that they are not that interested in me as that's bath/TV time. At 4 and 6 they are more interested in playing with each other than me!
We usually try and do something nice together at the weekend. dh is very happy to do rough and tumble and also play with Barbies (in fact it's his fault that there are now about 10 of them in the house - I hate dolls!)

shalaa Thu 14-Jul-05 21:05:05

DP has DS in the evening for a few hours and we take it in turns to put him to bed. He's usually back home from work between 4.30pm - 6pm. Only live a 15min walk from where he works and they are flexible regarding hours. Is having DS all afternoon tomorrow as i'm at an interview then shopping

GetMakosiorVanessaorOrlaithOut Thu 14-Jul-05 21:07:51

Dh often does their breakfast etc before he goes to work as I go for a swim.

He gets in around 6.45 and spends all his time from then until they go to bed playing with them, helping with bath (though he does hate that part!), reading stories, rough and tumble.

Weekends he's with them all the time.

I don't think you have to be doing playdoh etc all the time. We play games with them like snakes and ladders, and other board games and we play hide the teletubbies. We read to them and talk to them but otherwise they are usually playing with each other.

jessicaandbumpsmummy Thu 14-Jul-05 21:10:36

DH gets jess up in the moning and gives her breakfast (unless he's on an early shift) and gets her dressed..... all while i lie in bed!

He gets home between 5 and 6pm and he palys with her til dinner ready, we sit together, he feeds her her tea, baths her and plays with her, then puts her to bed..... if he is in the house, he does most thigns with her!

im a lucky one i guess

anchovies Thu 14-Jul-05 21:16:49

Dh gets up with ds in the morning, they both get ready and have breakfast and dh leaves for work at 7.30. He gets in at 4.30 and either plays with him or takes him to the park, swimming etc until tea time. We all eat tea then usually all read together or watch a bit of tv then dh does bath and bed while I come on here! So he spends a lot of time with him but counts himself very lucky that his hours are so flexible (sometimes he goes in at 6 and finishes at 2)

charellie Thu 14-Jul-05 21:42:34

My dh gets the dt's up and ready for nursery school on a Monday. I work 3 evenings so he looks after them from 4.30pm and also every Saturday as again I am at work from 7am.

I think if I didn't work he probably wouldn't spend so much time with them but it certainly helped with the bonding when they were babies

QueenOfQuotes Thu 14-Jul-05 21:52:53

These days DS1 (nearly 5) usually gets up around the same time as DH. So they'll eat breakfast together and chat (usually while watching "mighty machines" on Discovery Kids LOL) he usually 'sees' DS1 for about 30-45 minutes before leaving for work.

DS2 gets up after he's left for work. So doesn't seem him until the evening. usually DH gets home from work around 6ish, he then feeds DS2 his dinner, while eating his own dinner and DS1 and I eating ours. He'll then play with them, and if it's bath night he gives them a bath. He always does the bedtime story and puts them to bed around 8ish - so about 3hrs 'with' them - not sure how much of that is 'quality' time.

At the weekend he spends a lot of his time with them. If he's got to go out for whatever reason he'll usually at least take DS1 (DS2 if it's somewhere 'easy' to take him or if he's not sleeping).

oooggs Thu 14-Jul-05 21:59:18

DH works alternate shifts so on a day shift he is home at 4.20pm and plays with DS, we all eat together then he baths and puts DS to bed by 6.30pm - 7pm.

On a back shift we are all up by 8pm (except wed, thur, fri when DS at nursery 7am - 12.30pm) and DH leaves for work at 3pm (home midnight).

He works 1 shift at the weekend (either a day or a back)

He sees alot of DS and thankfully knows how lucky he is .

Lonelymum Thu 14-Jul-05 22:03:06

My dh leaves the house at about 7:15 am. He might see some of the children if they up at that time, but often they are not and I wouldn't call it quality time anyway as he doesn't talk with them or do anything with them.

In the evening, it depends what time he gets home. If it is after 8 (common) he again does not see them at all, but if it is earlier, he helps out with baths and going to bed. But tbh, both he and I have had enough by that time so we usually fight over who has to do what.

Some weeks, the children barely see him from Sunday night to Friday night.

bobbybob Thu 14-Jul-05 22:04:03

Dh works until 5pm and is home by 5.20pm. As I work from home he either has to pick up ds from nursery, or look after him while I work at home. So for an hour and a half each night he is in sole charge.

I have to get out toys, leave out the meals ingredients etc. as dh will tend to just read the same book or do the same jigsaw each night otherwise.

On Saturdays dh has ds all morning while i work. I'm happy with the time ds and dh spend together and the time we spend as a family, I just don't seem to see dh very much at the moment.

galaxy Thu 14-Jul-05 22:07:22

A whole lot more than I do. I'm out of the house before they're up and get back just in time to clean dd's teeth and pop her into bed at 7:15. I do get Sunday with her all to myself though as dh works and ds goes to his mums.

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