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Pls Advise: Leaving 1yr old for a week - will it do any damage?

(14 Posts)
babygibbon Thu 14-Jul-05 10:00:11

I have just been away from my one year old for 3 nights (with her dad and gran) and it was v. difficult for both of us. She's used to me working, but regular hours and when I got back from my course, she didn't smile at all - she wanted to be held by me but kept looking to dad for reassurance. I took a day off work the following day to spend with her and returned to work this morning. Normally she's fine going in to nursery, but she screamed and screamed this morning, I ended up in tears too.

I'm due to go away for a whole week at the end of this month (I'm pregnant and trying to get stuff out of the way before no. 2 arrives), but I'm so worried. Will she trust me again? How does she know I'm ever coming back? Will it do her permanent damage? basically, should I cancel?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated...

pinkmama Thu 14-Jul-05 10:17:24

ooh, that must be painful for you babygibbon. My dh went away for 10 days when our dd was 14 months. I think he found it very hard, but dd whilst obviously unsettled, doesnt seem to have permanent damage from it. She is now 7. Its far too easy to give yourself a hard time and feel terribly guilty and over analyse everything we do as parents, especially as mums I think. I am sure she is just a bit unsettled by it, and with a bit of time and reassurance, she will realise that you do come back and her world is the same. Just carry on giving her lots of love and cuddles, as I am sure you are.

Gobbledigook Thu 14-Jul-05 10:21:45

I doubt any serious damage would be done but personally it's something I'd avoid doing if at all possible.

Monkeysmom Thu 14-Jul-05 10:36:05

Babygibbon, I don’t have any advice but I do sympathise as I am in the same situation and asked myself the same questions.
I went to New York on a course when my DS was 1 yr old. I agonised for weeks over the decision but I thought maybe it is the first and last time I get the chance to see NY so I went. I loved it but I found it very hard to be away from DS. When I got back, DS said only dada for a few days, he was a little bit distant for 1 day but then he was OK, like I never went away.
He was very well looked after by DH . However, I said I will never go again.
Now, DS 15 mo, I have to go away again at the beginning of August. It is only for 3 nights and not that far, only in UK, 3 hrs away by train. I feel very bad but I don’t have too much choice as it is with work. I know he will be fine and not damaged in any way. He loves his dad and he is at the nursery during the day anyway.
Again, I swear this is the last time. My work does not normally involve travelling so I am annoyed I have to go away twice in one year.

Monkeysmom Thu 14-Jul-05 11:04:17

Oh, I forgot to say that I also took DS 1yo, on holiday for two weeks to see his grandparents who don’t live in this country as originally, I am not from UK.
I think he missed his daddy as he became very clingy in those 2 weeks but he was absolutely fine when we returned. He didn’t forget DH and he is a very happy little chap. Doesn’t seem damaged in the slightest. I think DH enjoyed it as well. He went out with his mates like in old days and had a great time. He is a very involved dad and since we had DS he hardly goes out. So he made the most of it.

jessicaandbumpsmummy Thu 14-Jul-05 11:08:26

i knew i shouldnt have read this thread.... my dad is taking jess to scotland for 10 days in august, she will be just 13 months old.... oh feck, i feel liek a bad mum now.

compo Thu 14-Jul-05 11:10:21

why don't you go too jess?

jessicaandbumpsmummy Thu 14-Jul-05 11:10:42

me and dh have a week booked at butlins, just the two of us......

compo Thu 14-Jul-05 11:11:24

ooh that sounds nice. Don't worry she'll be fine with your dad. Does he know all her routines etc?

Blackduck Thu 14-Jul-05 11:12:14

No it won't do any damage....ds spent a week with the in-laws when he was 11 months due to work commitments - he was fine...(got spoilt rotton..). He's now 2ish and we have had to leave him a couple of times with either my parents or dp's - he is always okay. He also spends a week at a time with his dp when I have to go away due to work....This does not make you a rotton mummy....

jessicaandbumpsmummy Thu 14-Jul-05 11:13:12

yeah, he's fantastic with her. and my grandparents cant wait to spend some quality time with her, i know she will be spoilt rotton but i cant help but think she is gonna hate me when she gets home now. Im dropping them at the airport and picking them hope so i hope for big hugs when pick up time comes..... god, i feel so bad - pregnancy hormones, must be!

zubb Thu 14-Jul-05 11:18:32

I went away when ds1 was 10 months old for 5 days and it was fine. He still went to his childminder as usual, and daddy was there. He was happy to see me when I got back and I don't remember any problems.
Don't see a problem with it really, we leave the boys for weekends with grandparents (they are 3.5 and 20 months now) and they have great fun, get spoilt and me and dh get to recharge our batteries.

Blackduck Thu 14-Jul-05 11:20:27

No she won't hate you at all......may be a bit clingy, but thats all....I think its worse if they see you upset - I'm not saying you have to be hard hearted, but be confident about leaving them so that they are happy to be left IYSWIM......a sort of 'well it must be okay, cos mummy's not upset'

Calmriver Thu 14-Jul-05 16:01:31

MONKEYSMOM: You are from SA too?


I am wanting to do a course,which involves me being away from 8am-about 6ish. over 3 days!
I am dreading it totally!

My dd is a real clinger at the moment, and I remember how sad I used to get when my mom had to be away.

I feel really silly. It's only during the day, but we haven't been apart for longer than 1 hour!!!!!!!!!!!!

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