Sharing toys - pls help, I didn't know what to do!

[London7]

Hi, I took my 3-year old daughter to play at my friend's place (she also has a 3-year old daughter) but it all went wrong. My daughter is very sociable and loves playing with other children most of the time. Everytime she reached for a toy, the other girl came and tried to take it off her and if my daughter wouldn't let go, she started to throw the biggest tantrums I have seen. I asked my daugher a few times to lend the toy back to the other girl but then got fed up because my friend never asked her daugher to stop behaving like that and share toys. When her daughter was going to throw tantrum number 10, my daugher was looking at me pleading with me to let her keep the girl's toy but I felt I couldn't tell the other child off and mine one ended up crying. I felt so sorry for letting her down because I didn't know how to help her. Should I talk to my friend about this or what would you say in a situation like that. I know it is petty but I want to do things right and don't know how.Thank you!

[FernieB]

Mums are usually pretty sensitive about their kids and she may not take kindly to having it pointed out to her that their child does not share, especially as she seems to think it's okay for her daughter to throw tantrums like that.

I would say nothing (it's her house) but not go again for a while. You could invite her to bring her daughter to your house and see what happens. If her daughter acts in the same way, you can then say that in your house you share toys and tantrums are ignored. Your house - your rules! Otherwise I would just not bother with her again and find some other kids to play with.

I ended a friendship over a similar issue - it just wasn't worth the hassle when my friends kids were around.

[PotPourri]

What fernie said.

[BimiBluebell]

Yep, another vote for Fernie!

[fiestabelle]

Dont think you can say anything critical to the girl's mum, no-one takes kindly to criticism of their own child's behaviour, however, she may have been at a loss as to how best to deal with it, and wanting to try and avoid escalating her daughter's tantrums. Would second what others have said, have her round to yours next time, and see how the girls play. I think "sharing" is a very difficult concept for LO's to grasp, but in perspective these are their things, and I dont suppose I would take kindly to someone coming into my home and rifling through all my belongings!!

[BimiBluebell]

PS generally: really, really don't pursue friendships with parents whose way of doing things is so vastly different from yours. It doesn't work!