Talk

Flip

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

Ds1 (2.6 yrs) ignoring ds2 (6mths)

10 replies

Iwantscallops · 19/02/2010 22:34

I'm trying not to read too much into it but ds1 (2.6yrs) completely ignores ds2 (6mths). I have tried not to force the issue of being a big brother but tried to prepare him by involving him with my pregnancy and reading books with him etc.

His adorable litle brother arrived and he has hardly batted an eyelid. Part of me is glad he seemed to take it in his stride although now, 6 months on, he doesn't aknowledge his little brother and completely ignores him. He won't even let his brother touch him.

I try to involve them both in activities and also take time out with ds1 to give him special 'mummy time'. Has anyone experienced this? Should I do anything about it? If so what? Or should I just carry on?

Can't get computer access all the time so probably won't be able to reply too frequently but would love to hear any suggestions.

OP posts:

Report

piprabbit · 20/02/2010 00:15

It sounds as though DS1 is ticked off by new arrival and sees no point in engaging with his noisy and very boring competition.

I would try not to worry to much at the moment and keep trying the little things you are already doing.

Eventually DS2 will become more interesting and a genuine playmate, and hopefully DS1 will want to spend some time with him.

My DD (6yo) didn't really show any positive interest in her little brother (20mo) until he was old enough to copy her and follow her around in a completely adoring fashion. She now occassionally deigns to play with him, which he thinks is beyond wonderful.

Report

2boys2 · 20/02/2010 18:25

my ds1 was 3.8yrs when ds2 arrived. He paid him no attention and wouldn't go near him for weeks. Now at 6yrs and nearly 3yrs he still ignores him. Such a shame as ds2 adores him and wants a playmate but ds1 wont entertain it at all

Report

Karoleann · 20/02/2010 22:04

I've a similar age gap - Ds1 was 2.2 yrs when DS2 was born and he didn't get my pregnancy and was a bit suprised coming into the hospital and seeing a baby! Anyway apart from roughly bouncing his bouncer a bit when he was little DS1 ignored him completely. DS2 loved watching him play and it was wonderful to see then start to interact when Matthew started crawling at 11 months, we then had a couple of bad months as of course DS2 started taking toys etc, but generally they now play really nicely with each other.
Give it time, I'm sure they'll be okay

Report

Iwantscallops · 02/03/2010 09:58

Thanks for your reassurance. I think we may have had a breakthrough- ds1 now lets ds2 touch him! I will roll with it and see what happens. Thanks again.

OP posts:

Report

2boytantrum · 02/03/2010 17:14

Don't worry, as soon as DS2 starts talking and walking, they'll probably be inseparable. This is what happened with my two - DS1 completely ignored DS2 unti he was 18 months or so. Now they're 5 and nearly 3 and adore each other. Your ds2 doesn't have much to offer DS1 at the moment, but once he's walking and talking, they'll have the time of their lives together!

Report

weddingcake · 03/03/2010 16:03

Don't have much time but was in very similar situation - 22 months between my 2 - now nearly 3 and nearly 1.

Things for us got a lot better once we realised that we'd over done the whole 'not making a fuss of the baby' thing. Realised that by not letting him know how special the baby was to us then of course she wasn't going to be special to him.

Gradually talked about how much we all loved her, tried to play lots of 'family' games (singing songs with us all having a shaker etc.) and generally just talked the baby up a bit and things have really improved.

Can't say they have a great relationship yet but it's definitely better than it was.

Will post again if I think of anything else useful to add.

Report

Kactus · 03/03/2010 20:12

I had much the same with mine.

I think looking back, DS1 found DS2 boring up until DS2 could talk/run/play the same as DS1. It was the same with DS1 and 2 regarding DS3...once they were all of a similar developmental stage ie all talking at once and running about and able to share games and the such like did they really form a proper bond.

Sometimes I think as parents we forget that babies are rather boring to other siblings, they just don't 'do' very much other than eat, poop and cry. Give it time I'm sure they will be fine.

Report

Rosie29 · 04/03/2010 10:41

My youngest dd was 2.9 when her baby brother arrived. She showed absolutley no interest in him whatsoever despite her older sister doting on him. When he was around 10 months old she surprised us all by wandering up to him, giving him a hug and announcing that she loved him. Unitl then we didn't think she even knew he existed! I don't think she was jealous, it just took her a while to work him out. All the best

Report

cranbury · 04/03/2010 10:49

My DD now 3.3 is beginning to interact and take interest in one year old DS. Once their siblings can have crawling and walking races they are much more fun. I felt very lucky not to have to guard my baby from his sisters over attentiveness which most of my friends had to do. Ignoring is much easier.

Report

Iwantscallops · 04/03/2010 21:00

Thanks for your posts. It is reassuring to know that it's not only just happening to me! Ds2 has the biggest smile for ds1 and I can't wait for Ds1 to give him one back. Everyone else says their eldest is constantly cuddling/kissing/tickling/talking...etc with their younger siblings but at least now I know this isn't always the case!

weddingcake - I agree. Maybe we tried to play-down ds2's arrival too much, especially dh. Now we have had a change of tactic we seem to be making slow progress!