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Mummy I dont want to live anymore(52 Posts)
You might like to ask Glitterfairys dd1 about the worry tree
He sounds like a lovely, sensitive child...
I have no practical help, but it is really good that he can be open with you, I guess that you being "there for him" and approachable is the main thing
Gosh Beety - thats horrible - poor thing
Is this your DS that was terribly homesick earlier this year???
Do you think a book for him on self esteem or assertiveness or something like that might help? Maybe you could go shopping together to buy it, or browse amazon together!
Is he a bit of a perfectionist? Often the worry of failure hits them hardest!
Would writing all of his worries down, scrumpling up the paper and having a ritual burning help? I know this is a trick that counsellors often use.
You have always sounded like such a happy family on here and I'm sure that this will help you pull him through this difficult spell
Wow, beetroot. That's really heavy.
Anything you can do to help him feel more in control of his life sounds good.
I wonder what you could designate some "no worry" times, when you tell him that he's not "allowed" to worry about things like exams, just concentrate on what's happening right now.
A good "no worry" time is the next 6 weeks of summer holidays. Or maybe all sundown Friday to sun-down Sunday when school starts again. Would that work with him?
god I am so sorry ds feels this way
I can remember feeling awfully scared of the future as a child, don't remember what helped tho'
He has a lovely mum, I don't think there is anything else to do, except keep talking ...
beetroot - not wanting to worry you - but I find that quite an alarming statement for a 10 year old. I would very definitely seek some professional advice - even if they tell you there's nothing to worry about.
Beety - I think what is important re the books, is that he sees it as his problem (or at least a shared one with you and his family). As such letting him choose the book that he thinks most closely deals with the issues he thinks he has might let him feel that he is at least partially in control of managing his anxieties.
I think he is on the cusp of that age where he is starting to want to be independent of the family, but finds that thought terrifying (says she the expert in 10yo boys - ha ha!). The homsickness is another sign of that I think.
Perhaps if you think of yourself as his mentor helping him to find solutions to his anxiety, rather than presenting him with solutions you are helping him make that transition between boy and young adult, in a way that is supportive but doesn't 'baby' him.
Don't forget you need a friendly ear too - I can' imagine how worrying it must be to be mum to a worrier
If the No Worry times are the same from week to week, and he gets used to the routine, then he will learn that things turn out ok even though he didn't fret about them. Have to follow it up with dedicated time for homework, whatever it is that would worry him otherwise.
I am a terrible worryier myself and I cope by making lots of lists, by doing everything as far in advance as I possibly can; & having dedicated time when I know I will get to sort the problem out.
Otherwise sometimes I just have to blot something out of my mind or I really would go to town chewing it over in my head.
i wonder if his state of mind has been cast down a little by the recent bombings in London. it might help his mood if you limit discussions/news viewings at the moment.
Beety - thank you
This well known little ditty got me through some incredibly anxious times - you can leave off the God bit if not religious!
Perhaps you could share it with him?
Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
and the Wisdom to know the difference.
Written by Reinhold Niebuhr
MIND booklet the anxiuous child may help I haven't got teh link but teh basic is www.mind.org.uk hope it helps
My ds's nursery teacher suggested to me that ds might be a child who works through a lot of anxieties as a child but then sails through adolescence and exams fairly calmly. That gave me great comfort at the time and in fact so far she has been proved right! Ds is 17 now and only last night we found ourselves reminiscing with him over some of his anxieties as a child - he swears he doesn't remember any of it, but WE DO!!!
The very fact that he can discuss his worries with you might suggest he feels he has then 'unloaded' them. And he is then free to think up a new worry! I'm sure ds did this - and it has left me a bit of an emotional wreck but ds seems just fine!!!!
beetroot....i have a list of book...let me dig them out
sorry to hear this beety
there is a book called Self Help for your Nerves by Claire Weekes - I know it sounds a bit naff, but it contains some really good strategies for handling anxiety. It's aimed at adults, but the strategies could, I'm sure, be used by children equally effectively
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