I'm fat says my 3yo

[adviceonthis]

Puzzled by dd who is four in June. She has just started to say 'I am fat' and poiting at dh and saying he is fat. Neither of them are. But that she has picked up this concept so early and do not know what to do.

I have always tried to avoid any reference to fat or thin with the dc's. To the extent that if adults start to talk dieting nonsense when they are around I have changed the conversation.

So far I have responded by saying she is beautiful and encouraging her to say 'I am beautiful'

But feel my response is inadequate and I would like advice on what others have done or would do.

Shoudl I just ignore it?

[potatofactory]

That's tricky. I would not just ignore it though - would just say something like 'you're a lovely healthy weight' and move on swiftly? Obviously you don't want it to become an issue. It'll probably pass, and she'll think of something else to say hopefully!

[kreecherlivesupstairs]

Isn't it sad? My dd was around 4 when she started saying she was fat and talking about her 'meaty chops' (thighs). I have no idea where she picked this up, I am hugely overweight but never make an issue of it. My dh is slim and she is underweight. Even now, and more so probably, she still comes out with twaddle about being obese etc. In her case, it certainly came from school. We were living in Thailand where people are naturally willowy. there was a huge difference between the Thai mums and the non thai mums. Thai mums took a lot of time and effort over their appearance, western mums less so. DD's best friend was Thai and BF's mum was glam. I've no advice, other than to carry on with what you are doing.

[MayorNaze]

dd1 (7) and dd2(3) had an argument on the way home from school yesterday:

dd2 - mummy has a fat bottom
dd1 - no she doesn't
dd2 - yes she does

ad infinitum...

we just laughed it off (nb i have a small bottom!)... at that age they are still experimenting with words and meanings and if you make a fuss, then they will know that it is a "reactive" word and keep doing it

[TulipsInTheRain]

ds1 has started saying 'I ate too much dinner and now i have a fat tummy' he's 3

in his case it most certainly comes from playschool... one of his teachers and about 3/4 other mothers are doing weight watchers and it's all they effing talk about these days.

dd has come back from school saying 'Teacher said sausages and chips aren't healthy and we shouldn't eat them'

she has food intolerances and is very picky and has been under consultant and dietician care for being severly underweight, sausages and chips is one of the few meals i can be guaranteed she'll eat so yes i know it's not great but i am so bloody cross at the teacher for filling her head with this nonsense

she also told ds1 last week he shouldn't touch his mouth with his hand as he'll 'get germs and die'

[mrspoppins]

It's a word, an idea that gets people anxious and defensive and as such, children pick up on it and use it again in their learning capacity to see what happens the next time. Ignore..
I've a fat tummy
Yes you have because it's full of yummy dinner!! [tickle tickle]
etc...

When my little one years ago asked me if I was fat, I said yes...it's because I'm so full of love!

[adviceonthis]

Thanks all. I am going to ignore it. It just seems a bit sad, big contrast with my son who did not say the 'fat' word until 6. I think it came from pre school.

[Earlybird]

It may not be a negative observation/comment - maybe your dd is simply starting to notice that there are all sorts of different looking people in the world.

Why not respond by saying people come in all shapes and sizes? Some are very thin, some are heavier; some are tall, some are short; some have pink skin, some have brown skin; some have straight hair, some have curly hair, some are bald etc.

Stress how the most important thing is to be strong and healthy.

[adviceonthis]

No, in the context she has said it she definitely sees 'fat' as a negative attribute -

[mrspoppins]

That's because everyone does...if they said in public..look at that thin lady..we wouldn't worry. When they say look at that fat lady, we panic! It is what we teach them sadly!

[adviceonthis]

Agree, whoever taught her that fat is bad, I think a child at school, who learnt it from an adult. Hey ho, it is out there cannot protect her forever, but I think the way forward is to ignore it.

[ROCCIA]

I wouldn't ignore the issue, I would explain that people are different, there are thin ones, fat ones , tall ones, and so on....
The important thing is learnig not to give too much credit to the appearences.
Finally , one person can be fat now and became thin later , things change.
The only important thing is feeling well , no matter what anybody says.