My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

anyone else a SAHM who is on their own with the kids monday to friday?

11 replies

tortoisefairy · 08/02/2010 21:28

Hi Not sure where to post this...

I am full time SAHM with ds1 - 4yo and ds2 - 20mo and pregnant with dc3 (14 weeks)

My husband works very long hours and doesn't see the kids mon - fri. this is probably not unusual but recently (preg hormones?) I feel so isolated and unsupported. He is loving but he is understandably knackered from work and so am I!!! Have not been out of the house much this year due to weather and illness of both DS so perhaps just a little stir crazy...How do you cope in this situation?

My mum and dad are around, but if i start to have a bit of moan they say oh don't worry you'll have 3 to look after soon...they do help out but don't really understand the long day...

Maybe I'm just hormonal....and ungrateful, financially we are vvvvv lucky, big house, no money worries etc. My husband works all hours so we can pay our mortgage off in 3 years time so I know I should just grin and bear it but it breaks my heart when he cant get day off for ds1 4th birthday last week and I find myself constantly trying to be mum and dad...

at weekends I just want to do something, anything on my own just to feel a bit more like me again, i feel dh resents any time i have off and wants his fair share of time off too...he does spend time with kids, but rarely of any real quality imho

sorry to ramble, all of my chest now! but any advice if you have been through or going through similar gratefully recieved

OP posts:
Report
MrsMcJnr · 08/02/2010 21:54

Hi there you are not alone in feeling the way you do. I am a SAHM with DS - just 2yr and DD 8 months. I feel all the things you do and yearn for the weekends in the hope of some time off but like you and your DH we compete for time off because he deserves down time too after all he is working all week for us. We do plan to have a 3rd child but the question is when. The last couple of weeks have been easier but the 6 before were really hard, I just felt that I never got a thing done. Doesn't help that DD hardly sleeps day or night and I am shattered. No advice sorry, just wanted to say that I know how you feel

Report
MrsTicklemouse · 08/02/2010 21:56

i'm afraid i can't offer much advice other than really early bed times now and again (i sometimes pt mine to bed at 6 so i can have a whole night to myself!)

i have boys the same age and DH is in the army, when he was on a course last year he did 6 months of weekending it was awful, i stressed out by being on my own monday to friday then when he came home i resented him for not doing more and letting me do less.

it is hard but you will get through it.

could you get your parents to have the kids so you can have an hours me time in the week, get a hobby if you have to!! then make a point of family time at the weekend, plan to go to the park or swimming or something, i know things in our house only happen if they are on the calendar.

you need to explain to your parents and DH that a happy mummy equals happy children!!

sorry for rambling, hope this helps!!

Report
MrsMcJnr · 08/02/2010 22:04

It was also my new year's resoultion to take people up on their offers to help, just this morning a neighbour took DS for a walk and they both had a great time.

Report
fandango75 · 08/02/2010 22:13

maybe thinking about a big house and no mortgage in 3 years may cheer you up in your moments of madness

Report
Kelix · 08/02/2010 22:46

Could they go to a nursery club? (think thats what its called) My friends DD goes for 2 hours a day 3 days a week to a local nursery, they wear a uniform and everything

She pays for it but it isn't expensive a few pounds a day I think but it gives her just that little bit of 'me' time (shes a single parent)

As for you DP and the long hours etc, theres not much I can suggest, maybe plan to spend quality family time on a Sunday afternoon?

Not much but both of the above combined might help?

Report
MrsMcJnr · 09/02/2010 08:28

I also try to do something with other Mums and toddlers nearly every day so that we all get a bit of fun. I find I really need that adult company or I rely on DH to entertain me when he gets home and he finds that exhausting.

Report
MrsTicklemouse · 09/02/2010 10:58

MrsMcJnr has hit the nail on the head, i find it really hard to accept help but when i do it does feel like a weights been lifted.

also getting out the house every day is really refreshing

Report
tortoisefairy · 09/02/2010 14:16

thank you so much for replying. always feel better when you know you're not alone.

ds1 goes to school every day but only for 2.5 hours so by the time ive dropped him off sat down/ done chores etc its time to leave to pick him up and i still have ds2 to look after...I have thought about getting some childcare help but feel funny around this whole area...I decided to be a sahm - should childcare come into the equation?

anyway, i do normally get out quite a lot but like i said due to snow and illness hardly at all this year...i guess thats why im feeling it so hard at the moment

MrsTicklemouse I cannot imagine how hard that would be for him to be off for such long periods at a time...

thanks for your support

OP posts:
Report
mjinhiding · 09/02/2010 14:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

colie · 09/02/2010 22:55

My dh worked 250 miles away monday to friday for 6 months when dd1 was 3 and dd2 was 5 months old. It was sooo hard and I was soooo stressed. Noone else around to help out, I found it so lonely.

That was funnily enough 4 years ago exactly. Now in same position again. Only I now have dd1 7, dd2 4, dd3 2 and am 22 weeks pregnant. I am not quite as stressed this time maybe because I have another outlet as i am at uni 3 mornings a week. Study once kids are in bed so do have an escape from them. I also try to make sure I go to as many activities as I can with them. Like things in surestart etc. I did find when we were snowed in a few weeks ago we were all going a bit stir crazy. Also, the winter is always worse than the summer.

I have noone else here at all to help me. As we moved away from home 4 years ago but now moving back which is why dh is up there at the moment. Also, I know it will end in 8 weeks or so as we will move back up there then. I think it is easier for me as I know there is an end in sight.

I think it helps to have friends with children who you can meet up with, even at weekends. Otherwise it can be a lonely old life.
Sorry if I have not helped much but wanted to let you know that I know how it feels to be alone with the kids mon-fri and it is hard work. Though I do get the weekends off as I have to mumsnetit study then so Dh takes over.

Report
tortoisefairy · 10/02/2010 10:53

Hi Colie,

I miss using my brain but feel like I'm in a state of limbo until dc3 is born and old enough to go to nursery. I would love to work 1-2 days a week but feel too guilty with the childcare issue - mainly because I don't think the kind of job I want (not stressful!) will not be well paid enough...

Glad the end is in sight for you..that helps, and your words regarding summer vs. winter are all too true...the number of times i have sat with friends in the park on a summers day and said we sahm definately have the best deal... just a shame we have more winter than summer !!!!!

thanks for the support

OP posts:
Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.