DS 2.5yo pushing other kids; suggestions please...

[NumptyMum]

DS is 2.5yrs at the end of Feb and I've recently noticed that in situations where other children are around he's pushing them over. Doesn't matter if they are bigger or smaller, younger or older, he'll push them. Sometimes I think it's in fun, but other times it seems like it's just because he can or because he's jealous (eg they have something he wants). Obviously I want to stop him from doing this; so far each time I've stood him to one side, got down to his level and told him it's wrong to push, and to say sorry to the other child (who is generally upset at having been pushed over). I know saying 'sorry' is a bit beyond him vocally (he's not a talker) but I want him to get the idea.

However he's still doing it.

I know an alternative would be to remove him from the situation, ie tell him it's wrong to push and that if he can't play with other children, we'll have to leave. But at present I'm one of the volunteers running our playgroup, so can't leave midway through...

Any other suggestions? Or do I just have to wait it out and keep explaining?

[NumptyMum]

?

[EleanoraBuntingCupcake]

don't make a fuss, or make it exciting ( i imagine pushing kids over is already exciting enough). it will pass and jsut be glad he is not a biter

[NumptyMum]

Eleanora - he WAS a biter, though generally only of DH and me . Thank goodness that phase has passed for now, so I'm hopeful that this is only a phase and will pass also, in due course.

Yes, think you are right re not making it exciting. I don't raise my voice when telling him not to do it, just say that it makes the other children sad and he can see they are crying. I guess he can't 'get' empathy at this stage though... I know my nursery uses 'cold prickly feeling' to describe the feeling you get when someone makes you sad, so might try to use that.

[NumptyMum]

Anyone else? Surely I'm not alone in this, other children have done this too, haven't they? ...

[NumptyMum]

????

[NumptyMum]

(watching the tumbleweed blowing about her thread...)

[Coldhands]

My DS can be a pusher too. He has only just turned 2 though so a bit younger, but talks a lot and understands well so I do as you did and get down to his level, tell him its not nice to push others (in a very firm voice) and get him to apologise (sometimes he will, sometimes he won't).

I find he only does it to certain children though and they are always the ones who go right up to his face, he really doesn't like that. I try and distract him.

Just be consistant and he will get over it. My friend has a DD who is being a bit of a pain at the moment. She bites, hits and pushes but my friend puts her in the corner (this doesn't work with my DS) and tells her off very firmly. She also makes her apologise. If your DS can't speak well, I find getting them to give each other a hug often works quite well and praise him about how nice that is.

[BigTillyMint]

It is probably just a phase which should pass when he gets more verbal - he is probably just trying to communicate with others.

Coldhands has good advice.

[NumptyMum]

Thanks Coldhands! So glad someone else has answered this!

Will try the hug suggestion, DS is good at hugging. Not sure if he'll hug someone he's just pushed over though... guess it will depend on why he did it. At playgroup it's hard to know sometimes as I'll be busy elsewhere, turn round and just catch the fall or the crying afterwards, rather than seeing what led up to it.

[NumptyMum]

Thanks BigTillyMint too. He does speak a bit, but mainly about cars or toys (red mini, blue mini...) so not very useful when negotiating with other children.

[NumptyMum]

Anything to add/think of from anyone else??

Thanks all so far for your replies.

[EdgarAllenSnow]

DD keps on pushing DS every opportunity she gets.

I put her out every time straight away behind the stairgate(which she wails about) and only let her in once calm, then get her to kiss him (she can't say 'sorry'). this has produced an improvement - just telling her doesn't sink in - she carries on smiling. A few months ago, she was biting him, so this is sort of a step forwards....

would a ten-count out of play work at playgroup? i know its harder when you aren't in your own space so can't create an appropriate 'naughty' place.

[NewDKmum]

My DD2 (2.4) pushed a lot at nursery (she doesn't go anymore since a couple of months for different reasons).

Anyway, the nursery staff had help in assessing her and the "professional something, can't remember the title" was certain that the issue was that she wanted to play, but didn't know the proper way to get in contact.

So what they suggested was that they told her "no pushing" and then went on to show her in detail how to approach said child and ask if she could join in, if the other child wanted to play etc. But definately to focus on the positive guidance rather than the negative telling off.

Maybe your DS is trying to get in contact too? (Sorry about my rusty English).

[NumptyMum]

Thanks for these replies. I've seen DS slowly falling on/pushing over another boy at nursery; I was concerned but the other boy seemed to be unfazed and i think it WAS actually part of DS's play/contact in that instance. So you're right, there may be a mixture of reasons, sometimes jealousy (which I'm sure of) and sometimes wanting to play and not knowing how (which I think might be the case too). I'll try to observe his behaviour a bit more to figure out which (hard sometimes at playgroup when I'm getting stuff done) and then try these tactics if I can.

Thanks . Won't be about for a bit now, done my back in so early bed for me...

[Coldhands]

Also, my friends DS who used to go up to my DS's face, which he hated and would push him away, we worked out that my friends DS was actually trying to be friendly towards my DS but doesn't really speak. My friends DS would get so excited about seeing my DS but couldn't express it so we taught them to 'give each other 5' or just give each other a hug. They haven't had an issue since.