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how to let go of baby....?

(9 Posts)
haven Thu 07-Jul-05 13:43:04

i was curious to see if i am the only one.

i just don't want baby boy to grow up... i give him a bottle sometimes and tell him he is my baby....and he is two and been bottle broke since 1....i get sooooo upset when other older kids don't want to play with him, because he gets left out... and i don't been just upset, like i get mad...he gets what ever he wants...really..i get mad at him sometimes and spank his butt, but for the most part...oh, and when i do fuss him, he says,"LOVE ME MOMMY".....

i can't explain the not wanting to let go..i would be fine if he would stay two forever...funny, because he wasn't a planned baby...to be honest dh and i were contemplating a divorce, and he really didn't want a child of his own..but ds changes all of this..

ds was born 11 weeks early and barely over 3lbs. he has several issues after birth and several time the doctor didn't know if he would make it. never quite so many words, just that he was very very sick. i would go everyday sometimes two three times a day and sit and look or hold him. when he came home it didn't get better, ds has stayed ill probably 90% of the time. he is now two, and he don't get sick but about 75% of the time, but i am soooooooo protective over him. i get emotional just when i just think about where we have been. i wonder sometimes if i even have the right to be this way given that some parents didn't even get to go home with their babies. but, then again i think that is part of the reason for being so hung up on this. i got to keep my baby. and for the life of me i don't want anything to happen to him now. while he was in the NICU for 2.5 months i saw babies come in, and some babies go home and some, well God bless them and their parents. i didn't think that i would stay on this so long. just let it go, but I am so blessed to have had this chance....heck i am all choked up now.

i have an older child, she is 8, and i guess before the issues with my baby i never realized truly the gift that a child is for a person. all children are born for a reason. whether they get to stay or not, i truly believe that they are all here to teach us something.

i spent two years in school for computers, but now after ds i am going back for nursing....imagine...but how do i let go a lil of baby... i am not wanting to start potty training him, because i don't want to loose the lil baby...that i fought to keep...i am crying as i type this...see what i mean...

Listmaker Thu 07-Jul-05 13:54:22

Gosh you've almost got me crying! I can see that it's understandable after all you went through with him that you should be protective etc. But you can't keep him a baby forever - that just wouldn't be fair on him. And you wouldn't want to, not really. You want him to grow up strong and healthy physically and mentally and you have to loosen the apron strings to allow him to do that. You KNOW that Haven but I can imagine it's hard to do.

I try to cuddle my 7 year old and tell her she's my baby but she fights me off of course. WE all grieve a bit for the baby bit passing. But then I see my friend who's 9 year old ds has a chromosomal disorder and looks like a 18 month old that can't sit up, talk or anything so she has got a permanent baby and you REALLY wouldn't want that.

Be brave and let him go, just a little bit at a time. Let him take the knocks and see how well he copes because he has you loving him!

ninah Thu 07-Jul-05 13:58:43

I don't know why but this made me feel like crying too! listmaker is right ....
You can still love them as they grow

tatt Thu 07-Jul-05 14:04:26

its understandable that you're protective but from him to be happy as he grows you need to start letting go. Obviously that's a very long process. If he's only two you don't have to potty train immediately, but it is easier in summer

Groggymama Thu 07-Jul-05 14:33:59

haven, my ds1 spent 2.5 months in nicu and ds2 was in for 2 months. I know what you mean - i treat my angels protectively too, i think every day of the things ds1 went through (born at 28 weeks 2.9lbs). He is 3 now and little for his age but otherwise fine. He is blissfully unaware of what he went through. The anxiety you've been through is like nothing else, of course you're going to feel like this.

Just keep thinking that he is safe and that part of his journey is over, you won't have to go there again and neither will he.

its your right to hold him tight, you never got to do that for the first 2.5 months of his life after all!

crying now too xxx

Spongebob Thu 07-Jul-05 15:10:05

Im crying too now!! Being thankful is normal. Just try and take pleasure in watching him grow up strong and healthy. He's obviously loved very much. My DS had to be born by ceasarian and it was touch and go. He had tied a knot in his cord and as he came down the birth canal he was suffocating himself. We were sooooo lucky to have a brilliant team of Dr's who got him out in record time. (No time for full anasthetic...ouch) but everyday I look at him and it scares me how close we were to losing him. You don't have to "let go" just let him grow up. Good luck XX

Groggymama Thu 07-Jul-05 15:36:50

btw, have you been on Bliss forum? its very supportive too bliss parent chat even forum for older prems

haven Thu 07-Jul-05 23:07:27

thank you, i appreciate the support...oh and thanks for the sight..i just needed to stretch the emotions....i got knots in the throat when i read your replies......

groggymomma hit it on the head...it is like all the anxiety from before hasn't left yet...

yuyee Fri 08-Jul-05 11:19:19

>>> i can't explain the not wanting to let go..i would be fine if he would stay two forever...funny, because he wasn't a planned baby...to be honest dh and i were contemplating a divorce, and he really didn't want a child of his own..but ds changes all of this..

haven, this could have been me writing it. My dd is 3, full-term (even 2 weeks late) healthy baby but I can't let go either. I often tell her "you're my baby" and I really mean BABY and hold her like a baby. I miss her as a baby so. We are looking for a school for her for this Fall but we can't imagine leaving her with strangers, even for only 3 mornings a week. I say to my dh almost everyday that I don't want her to grow up anymore. I didn't really want to toilet-train her so I kept putting it off. Then she managed to toilet-train herself 3 months ago for wanting to wear a Nemo underwear. I then realized that she's growing up, whether I'd like her to or not, whether I helped her or not, and I just felt like crying for losing my baby bit by bit. But I am also grateful to have a chance to watch her grow into a beautiful child, bit by bit.

So, no, you're not alone, but it's good and healthy to ask this question. And the fact that you did ask the question makes me think that you'll do just fine. Best of luck.

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