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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

Would you let your 10 year old go away with school for a week?

56 replies

yoyo · 04/07/2005 19:51

DD came home today with details of a trip which will take place next year when she is in Yr 5. She has never slept overnight anywhere.

My gut reaction is to refuse but this will obviously lead to other problems. She will have the opportunity to do the same trip in Yr 6 and I will be far happier to let her go then.

Any thoughts/experience? All advice appreciated.

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beetroot · 04/07/2005 19:51

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Xena · 04/07/2005 19:52

Its fairly standard to go on a trip in yr 5 and 6 at DS's school the y5 trip is only 5 nights which is the same as when I was at school.

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Xena · 04/07/2005 19:53

Our are in the UK though and the yr5 trip is only about 40mins drive!!

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unicorn · 04/07/2005 19:54

why is your gut reaction to refuse?
Is it you that would be upset, or is she just not ready?

I used to love going away with the school when I was a kid, twas a great adventure.

Sadly, dd's school doesn't do overnighters- just day trips.

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Janh · 04/07/2005 19:54

I know of schools where they start having weeks away in Y3. I think Y5 is old enough - or at least not young enough to make a fuss about - could you start setting up occasional sleepovers now so she is used to it?

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vickiyumyum · 04/07/2005 19:54

i would say that if your gut reaction was no then to go with it. i wouldn't feel happy to let my ds go on a week long school trip, if they had never been away from home for any length of time, unless i could prepare them for it by letting them stay with friends/relatives for a few nights. a year is quite a long time to prepare her.
i suppose i would also talk to other parents of my childs friends and see if they are letting there child go, if all their friends were going, then i would probably cave in and let them go.
sorry probably not v helpful, thinking as i write!

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Mosschops30 · 04/07/2005 19:54

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yoyo · 04/07/2005 19:59

This is to the Isle of Wight.
Beetroot - were you nervous about him going to Germany?
Maybe I should send her to my parents for a week to see how she likes that. My concerns may be silly but she has precocious puberty and I am worried about showers and stuff. She may well have started her periods by then too. She also hates using toilets other than at home (has some bowel problems as a result). I am such a bloody worrier.

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beetroot · 04/07/2005 20:04

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morningpaper · 04/07/2005 20:05

What does she want to do yoyo?

I went away at this age and was homesick a bit, but basically spent the time snogging boys.

Perhaps you could say yes and try to give her a weekend or two away with family beforehand, so that she and you can see how she gets on away from home?

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morningpaper · 04/07/2005 20:06

Oh you just suggested that. I think it's a good plan.

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Blu · 04/07/2005 20:09

yoyo - why not let her stay with her grandparents for two nights, then a sleepover at a freinds house for a night, then another for a week at her grandparents - it sounds as if you need as much chance to get used to it as she does!
I am sure you cntalk to the staff about precoscious puberty - they will have dealt with lots of growing up girls before.
I was off on trips with cousins etc from 7 onwards and really enjoyed it.

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yoyo · 04/07/2005 20:12

Snogging boys?!

She wants to go but that is because this year's lot have just arrived back full of enthusiasm. Think I will chat to school about my concerns and then let her stay with family.

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Jimjams · 04/07/2005 20:13

The school we'll be sending ds2 to does 2 residential trips, one in year 4 and one in year 6. I'm looking forward to the peace and quiet Seriously though they say the children come back very confident and its unusual for a child not to go. ds2 (age 3) has been to stay with his grandparents a few times. The first time he was a bit nervous and said he didn't want to go, but now he asks to go all the time and sulks when I say he can't.

can you ask the school about the shower set up?

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yoyo · 04/07/2005 20:15

Thanks for your responses by the way. We live so far from family that the opportunity for her to stay with them just hasn't happened. But, yes, I do find it hard.

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assumedname · 04/07/2005 20:20

Yes, I would and do.

Dd1 has been on 3 Brownie trips to London starting when she was 8 - staying overnight for 2 nights; 4 nights away to Castleton with the school (Year 5); 4 nights away to France with the school (Year 6) and 2 nights camping with Guides this year.

Dd2 has been on 4 Brownie trips to London and she started when she was 7.

They absolutely love it.

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AnnaInManchester · 04/07/2005 20:52

Assumed name....do you live nr Rochdale?

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nell12 · 04/07/2005 21:20

Have you discussed this with dd? I am in same situation with ds, he was desperate to go, but I made him think long and hard about spending so long away from us. He still said yes (and he is a real mummy's boy )
Discuss your fears more with the staff at school and if you know any yr5s or 6s who have been (or even better, their mums)talk to them to get another point of view.
I have had to swallow my fears and go with what ds wants this time, but it is an almost impossible decision for you to make

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Posey · 04/07/2005 21:21

Dd has just turned 8 and had only slept away once in her entire life til the end of last year. She stayed at a friend's for the night, then went on Brownie pack holiday for 2 nights. Their school holiday is next year (y4) and is 4 nights about 1.5 hours from here. She is so excited already. But friends of hers and their mums are very concerned. We've had 2 of dd's friends for sleepovers who're very familiar to our home and us. One went home at 11pm! The other one would've gone but we couldn't actually get her there so she had to stay. In the morning she was so pleased she'd done it, felt she'd really achieved something huge. She said to me, "I'm not a little girl anymore am I?"
I would seriously consider trying to organise a sleepover with friends to get some practice in.

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starlover · 04/07/2005 21:24

our school did trips away (camping) when we were 10... it was FAB! WE always really enjoyed them

I am sure that the staff will do everything to make sure your DD is comfortable with showering etc (we always had individual shower cubicles on campsite)...

Have you asked her how she feels about going?

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assumedname · 04/07/2005 21:27

AnnaInManchester - no, why?

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Fauve · 04/07/2005 21:46

Our school used to do four-night residential stays for the Year 3s, but then when middle schools were abolished round here and ours became a primary, with kids up to 11, they moved it to Year 6. Ds went in Year 3 and loved it; they all did, and the teachers coped well with homesickness etc. He's just come back from the Year 6 one, and loved that too.

The problem with not going is that your dd may feel very left out: the kids do go on and on about it for months, in fact the whole school does. I felt at the time with ds' Year 3 that this was hardly fair on the few children who weren't going.

Could you and she take the approach that she'll give it a go, and if the worst came to the absolute worst, you could yourself travel to the Isle of Wight, either to see her, or even to bring her home? You'd need to check that the school was ok with that; but for example I know a boy with ADHD whose mum was positively encouraged to go and stay in the same town as a church choir trip, so that she could be called on to help if necessary IYSWIM. Not your situation I know, but it shows that there are ways and means. What does your dd's class teacher think?

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Tortington · 04/07/2005 22:51

mine went to the isel of wight. only cos they begged me. i was about to boil the head teacher in a vat of my poo becuase of the cost for twins. and the social "expectation2 that they would go by their peers

they loved it.

i hated the principle

but they loved it

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QueenEagle · 04/07/2005 22:53

ds2 went away for 3 nights in March. He is in year 4 so aged 8/9.

He loved.

We loved it too.

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soapbox · 04/07/2005 22:57

Yes, I would without any hesitation. It is very important for them to know that they can confront separation and survive and maybe even enjoy it

I daresay that they will be a little homesick (I went away on holiday with my grandparents for 3 weeks as a 9 year old and missed my family so much it really physically hurt), but learning to cope with that is important.

Has your DD not done any sleepovers at all? Mine is quite seasoned at the overnight party scene at age 7