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Advice Please! I'm fed up of kids(44 Posts)
I love my two ds's aged 3 and 4 to smitherines but I'm bored and fed up.
I do get breaks from them but ashamed to say it never sems to be enough. Even my dh does his fare share, although we disagree on discipline and I do think his methods are sometimes OTT.
I get this feeling from time to time but it generally passes. This time its lasting too long and its having a huge impact on my parenting.
I no longer keeping to a routine, play games with them, read them stories or make an effort with meals (try and get them to eat a variety of things through the day) and I'm also using the tv way too much for their entertainment, purely because (I know this is terrible but I'm being honest
I'm bored of constantly being that person: explaining everthing, sorting out squabbles so that they learn how to sort them out for themselves, making food they won't eat, being optimistic, giving them constant praise and limiting the no's, distracting, explaining why its wrong to do certain things and good to do others).
I'm fed up of the unbelievable stress at getting them ready on the morning in time for ds1 school,
having to see to them before me on the morning,
of hearing them cry yet again because one has hit the other,
the not listening to me,
the attitude I get of ds1 (he's only four)
having to take them everywhere and always needing to be near toilets,
the bed wetting,
the accidents during the day(constant constant washing)
not being able to afford to get them the things I would like and having to get used to limited options,
having limited clothes for myself,
fed up of the whinging
the 'I wants'
I'm fed up of them making a mess and getting into things they shouldn't be
being pulled and prodded,
my ears hurting because of the constant noise,
constantly having to be diplomatic and reasonable and problem solving and not being able to swear when they do something unbelievable like flooding the bathroom or decorating the walls with mud or sitting on a wet toilet seat thatthey've weed on and finding poo in the bathroom in weird places.
I realise I'm very lucky especially since we struggled to have them, I'm just plainly fed up of trying to be the best parennt I can be.
That sounds terrible and I certainly feel like a bad mum but it's all s repetitive I honestly can't be bothered.
I was tempted to use a different name as I'm sure I will be hung drawn and quartered and slated to the high heavens, I'm not proud of my feelings hence me asking for advice
Good on you girl for your honesty, your frank and completely correct descriptions of what a daily grind it is to have kids.
Good on you.
How refreshing to see in type some ones honest thoughts.
The only thing is that you appologised for these thoughts and you shouldnt because MY GOD you are only human and MY GOD its enough to drive any one of us mad.
Well done and let it all out, well done you.
Sorry meant to add, no advice but a big THANKYOU for having the courage to say those things.
Thanks, I wasn't expecting that, I'm releived I'm not the only one.
Yep and you have no choice but just to get on with it...noone tells you this do they?
No! they should have a warning sign or job description or something
Daft question but have you been to the GP because you may be depressed?
(Sorry, intrusive question)
You are definitely not alone.
I only have the one toddler but what you have written could have been written by a few of my mates with more than one child. One in particular.
I never know what to say to her so i shall be watching this with interest.
Dont be surprised if you just get messages of support and encouragement rather than messages shooting you down because this is so very common.
Join the club my DS was ivf, so very lucky to have him. Ditto all those things. When I get like that I seek playdates with other mums either at my home or theirs or a softplay area. Does the trick for a few hours. He doesnt need me cos he's occupied and I get time for a natter. Make the break and organise a couple of play dates next week.
Hiya SM - I have days when I feel exactly like you describe and I wish they would all just go away and leave me in peace.
Good idea to check out if you could be depressed but I suspect the limitations with your ankle right now have some bearing too, don't they?
Thanks Been there done that, had PND badlt with both after they each born. I know I'm over it because I feel like me again and I can see the funny side of things too; they both were severly lacking during PND.
Thanks QE the foot certainly doesn't help; not being able to get around quickly after the little.....darlings is not helping but I've felt like it for a while. I keep on saying 'wait till I finish this stressful thing..and then will get on top of things' however the stressful things keep on rolling and I'm gettting more and more disheartened.
QE Its a complete hinderance, I just know I'm going to be a cantankerous old person if have a disability.
Yestaerday I trapped ds1 fingers in the car door and had to take him to a+e, he's got a fratured finger.
This is a perfect description of my life. Are you living here under the mess? I've no advice as I am going through all of this although come september dd2 will be at school as well. Will I have some me time or will I just be a daytime sleeper?
I think this is completely normal, sometimes it does all get to be too much, but if the feeling lasts would it be possible to have a break by yourself just for the weekend?
My kids are the same age and I think it is quite a difficult age (though I have a dd and a ds). Anyway, here are a few things we do to make things easier
- get out every day to let them run wild (our garden is not big so we go to a local playground)
- enrolled both for swimming lessons - this truly exhausts them (especially if on a school day!) and you are bound to have a few hours peace on the day they do them!
- I have told them I'm no longer sorting out squabbles, it's their problem (and this has resulted in far less fighting though at the start of this it resulted in a lot more because they thought they could get away with murder)
LSS I'll try the play date thing, haven't done it for a week or two and Foxinsocks getting out each day is a thing I'm going to take up to.
I used to do it, I've just forgotten the obvious for some reason, isn't it weird how you can't see the wood for the trees.
Swimming is something I definately want to do although I have a foot brace on at the moment for a few weeks so will have to wait before I can do that with them.
Saadia unfortunately a weekend away isn't on the horizon at the moment and not likely to be but the idea sounds lovely. May ask a few friends if they fancy a weekend away and leave dh witht the kids.
The other day a mn linked this website which I thought was good for a laugh. I came across this
I feel like this all the time, and you do feel terribly guilty for doing so. my kids are 5 and 6, our house is always a mess and even if it is tidy a hour or so later it's back tot way it is before i done it. I have lost the entusiasiam for them, i just want to get away, have some peace and like you, never seem to have enough of 'me' time, however long i get. we have limited money and can't afford to do alot. I have to be thankfull that they sleep well and they are genuinely well behaved kids, i am i suppose like you fed up of the mundane things we have to do on a daily basis, with little help from dh, who thinks because he works, he shouldn't have to do that much, bearing in mind i work part time too.
Do you think you might be suffering from depression??
The past few weeks I've shouting at the kids alot, for things that would never normally bother me.
After posting yesterday, I decided to get out for the day so today went to chester zoo with kids and a friend. It was a good day and well needed! Definately going to get out with the kids each day even if its just round the block we don't have a park near us if I had the energy I'd try and do something about that!
I've got home and despite being knackered did the bedtime routine bath, book, milk and bed, which I haven't done for a while and I'm feeling a little bit more positive about the monotonous chores that can be motherhood at times.
Tomorrow I'm going to put my foot down witht he kids they've been getting away with murder for too long.
Rickman and Hermione1 I hope your days have been better today. Rickman you sound lovely
SM - glad to hear you had such a lovely day. Bet you and the kids sleep well tonight!!
Yeah I'm shattered! Is it just my computer or has mumsnet font type changed?
It's looking a bit strange
Looks the same to me - you must be so tired you're hallucinating!
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