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Parenting

toddler hitting? how to stop?

20 replies

spod · 27/06/2005 21:42

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spod · 27/06/2005 21:51

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Twiglett · 27/06/2005 21:56

every time s/he hits, say NO firmly, remove child somewhere else, ignore for 2 minutes whilst you make a big big fuss of 'victim'

every single time

its a phase, it will pass even though it feels it won't .. lots of kids go through it .. its much worse if its your first child though because you feel everybody's judging .. let her know no-one is, they're just grateful its not their problem at that particular moment

Mandymoo · 27/06/2005 21:58

HI spod - what a good friend you are!

If there was a black and white answer to how to stop a toddler hitting it would make parenting ALOT easier!!

DD went through a brief phase and i know how frustrating it can be - dont think there is really a fast way to stop it but your friend could try predicting the type of situations that lead to the hitting and then try to reduce the situations accordingly - i know not always very practicable.

Another idea is when toddler hits is to give the other child the attention.

Basically i think its how she deals with it now while its happening - that in turn will hopefully reduce and then eliminate the hitting.

DD always used to hit when another child dared to take something off her - so i always made sure that a replacement toy was close by to reduce DD's frustration at having something taken away.

I'm sure someone else will have more helpful advice but HTH!!!XX

Flum · 27/06/2005 22:00

Mmmm, thought title a little racy. Thought mum compulsively hitting toddler.

Sticker charts? Naughty step? Being kept in a dark cellar with snakes for days equivalent to years of childs life? Thats what they always say on Little Angels

saadia · 27/06/2005 22:35

My ds went through a phase of pinching children not out of naughtiness but more out of interest I think. The thing is to be consistent and remove him from the situation. Ds grew out of it and now rarely hurts other kids.

spod · 27/06/2005 22:36

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angelfire · 28/06/2005 19:58

Spod
I have just returned from a good friend's house where my 2 year old was constantly hitting the friend's 2 year old in the face. Eventually I had to leave as the naughty step was not stopping the hitting. This has been going on for 4 months and I avoid social events (gym club, mums and tots) because I do not want to have to deal with other people's judgements - every other child appears so well behaved. The thing is that my son is a very loving and funny little boy - he is great fun - I do not know where this hitting comes from. I know that it is nothing I am doing as a parent. I too use this method of removing him but as I have said this doesn't seem to work. He is starting to talk and I out it down to frustration. The thing that keeps me going is that sooner or later it will stop the difficulty is knowing when that will be. My heart goes out to your friend becuae I know how horrid the phase is for the mummy!

spod · 28/06/2005 22:04

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mhorne · 09/07/2005 19:33

I have a 20mth old DD and a 6wk DS. She was initially very affectionate towards him, but due to his frequent crying episodes, she has now started to try to hit him (with fists) and bite me and/or him. I have tried the taking away from situation, the naughty step etc, and I am afraid I will lose my temper with her and go too far. It is starting to upset me dreadfully because she is a fab child, and I am wondering what I have done (having a 2nd child so soon) which then makes me feel bad for even thinking that about my son.... am I rambling?? Help!

sukkwan · 11/12/2009 14:18

am dredging up an old thread - flame me at will!

im literally feeling like i'm in little shreds atm as my DS (2yrs and 3mths) is in a big hitting phase and, like Angelfire, am beginning to feel ostracised and reluctant to go out into social situations, even though i know the little guy needs to burn off his energy somehow.

i'm a mess. anyone else going through this now? other mnetters i can seek solace with in the fear that i'm harbouring a future ASBO terror under my roof...?

bumblebumble · 11/12/2009 14:41

As the parent of a child who is on the receiving end - it is not about judging - I only judge a parent badly if they are not TRYING to deal with the behaviour. as someone said speaking firmly to the child and removing them from the situation for a few minutes is what is needed - I have a friend who tries to laugh it off and says "we don't do that do we" - worse than a chocolate teapot - that is what is wrong.

EdgarAleNPie · 11/12/2009 14:46

exclude hitting child. wait until they calm down .let them in.

get them to kiss offended person. then play..

i think losing your temper can help tbh...
and with a tiny, just keep them separate...paypen for one or other depending on need.

and repeat...don't expect instant results.

EdgarAleNPie · 11/12/2009 14:48

h and i take mine on good long walks to wear the naughty out of them.

sukkwan · 11/12/2009 14:56

he's had timeouts. i tried raising my voice. i've tried calmly telling him. it's been going on long enough now that he knows to say sorry to the victim in a genuine and gentle manner - yet this still hasnt stopped the hitting. i feel like i'm constantly telling him 'no' and disciplining him.

i had another mum snap at me today in the playcentre that my little boy is going around hitting all the other children. i felt terrible. i of course removed him from the play area immediately and kept him out for 5 minutes. he still does it. and my heart just breaks for him since he just doesnt know any better. it feels like i'm a terrible mother.

did a google search and came up with this parenting.ivillage.com/tp/tpbehavior/0,,71g0,00.html which is very supportive and offers a couple of tips i'm going to try.

Finding a lot of help from the following quote from the link:
"Hitting, pushing and grabbing toys are all ways that toddlers use to try to make contact with others, before they develop other social skills. Your son sounds like he is curious about other people. He has limited language and experience, so rather than walking up to someone and saying, "Excuse me. Can I play with you?," he shows his interest by smacking them. Subsequently, he discovers that he can get a reaction when he hits someone. He may even get two reactions, one from the person he hits and one from you. Even though the reactions probably aren?t pleasant, he is intrigued by them."

EdgarAleNPie · 11/12/2009 18:18

mine keeps on falling over too. but she's getting better by walking...

in the same vein, hopefully at some point she'll bite DS less often...if i keep on telling her its wrong.

am also hoping being able to talk will help.

Birdfire · 15/12/2009 23:39

sukkwan -
I'm going through exactly the same thing. My two year old son is brilliant and funny and very loving but he is terrible at sharing toys and is going through a stage of hitting other children. I'm starting to feel as though I should keep him away from others because we are not enjoying our trips to people's houses or to playgroups because of this. I try and make him apologise when the other child is crying but he doesn't seem to understand that it is him that has caused the crying. I'm so upset about this but I'm not sure what to do about it.

sukkwan · 17/12/2009 14:49

hi birdfire - i totally and utterly empathise!!

i found parenting.ivillage.com/tp/tpbehavior/0,,71g0,00.html really really helpful and over the last week or so have found certain things that trigger the hitting behaviour. i now avoid the playcentres, however, i still go to our *regular8 weekly playgroups where i'm very familiar with the mums and kids there, as is DS. that way i know that most of the other parents in the room are more understanding and patient with my DS's clumsy social skills...!! also in smaller and familiar situations i'm more able to intervene promptly if he does hit. most of the time if i can see him about to hit and i ask him not too, he is capable of holding back... we're making small baby steps in progress...

i did go through a good 4 days of demonising my poor DS though. he didnt have a clue what he'd done wrong and avoided me too. quite upsetting for all tbh.

also, one of my mummy friends (a postnatal support student) just told me today that the area of the brain that deals with self-control is also the same side that deals with learning new skills. so often children who are acquiring new skills just cant manage the extra mental ability to exercise self control re. hitting others. hearing it from her helped to ease my social conscience somewhat.

sorry for blabbing on - birdfire, hang in there. jut remember it's all just a phase! use it as a mantra!

sukkwan · 17/12/2009 14:52

sorry, here's that link again:

parenting.ivillage.com/tp/tpbehavior/0,,71g0,00.html

Hopingmamma · 06/12/2017 22:27

I am taking my chance and asking here in case any of you mums read and answer this. I am going through exactly the same thing with my 2.6 yr old daughter. She growls and hits me at slightest opposing, hits kids when she doesn't want to share and throws herself on the floor if she doesn't get her way or doesn't get the answer she had been expecting. I want to know how are your kids now that they are older? Did the hitting phase pass on its own?

user1489434024 · 07/12/2017 20:00

It passes. It takes some longer than others. Wait till they can articulate themselves a bit better. Still so young x

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