tell me how bad you found the transition from 1 to 2 children?

[itshappenedagain]

Im only 5 months pregnant at the moment but have been putting some thought into this. My Ds will be 3.5 when Lo arrives in may. also i am on my own although do have family close by.
is there anything i can do to help Ds get used to the idea before it happens?
any tips for smoother start.
thanx

[carocaro]

There is 5 years between my boys and my eldest took the arrival of his new brother so well, he ws really caring and protective of him.

He was a bit short tempered with me for a few weeks, I think just a symptom of the change.

He loved having some responsibility too, like passing me the nappies, holding his bottle, keeping him entertained whilst I changed the babies nappy, getting hims a blanket. Just extra reassurance that you are still the Mum he has known for 3.5 years.

What really helped was just me and my eldest doing a few things together in the first few weeks, even just a quick trip to the supermarket and buying a comic, cuddling up in front of the tv etc.

Good luck, it will be lovely to see them grow together.

[CatIsSleepy]

let your ds know about the baby, talk to him, look at books together (there are various books about being a big brother etc-plus dd1 still loves one called 'There's a house inside my mummy' even though dd2 is now 8 months)

we had some rocky times when dd2 was born-there's no denying it's a hell of a change for the older sibling and they need extra reassurance etc which is hard when you are so tired with the new baby. Dd1 was pretty volatile for a while. Get lots of extra help, let ds help out with little things, but if you can try and baby him a bit too...there's only so much of being a big brother/sister they can take to begin with!

and get him a present from the new baby

[CatIsSleepy]

oh, and I was talking to dd1 about people being married this morning (she is 3.5)...she was asking why people get married, i said something like they do it because they like living together...she then said she'd like to marry dd2

[gladders]

It was pretty hard work - a friend said that having one is like having a pet whereas having 2 is like running a zoo and I think that sums it up well.

Life with 2 is not as civilised as with one -everything is more chaotic. it is harder work for everyone and on top of that your pfb has to adjust to not being the centre of your world any more.....

what everyone has said is right - my ds was quite little (22months) but he loved dd straight away. keeping is routine going for him (playgroups, music groups etc) really helped him as his life didn't change too suddenly. keeping the older one on an even keel is important.

Don't underestimate it though - it was nearly as much of a shock as going from 0 to 1 for us!

[craftynclothy]

Going against the grain here but I've found 2 is easier than one in a lot of ways. It's much more enjoyable and the days are less dull when the baby is sleeping iykwim.

We had an independent mw and so had lovely long antenatal visits so Erin felt really involved. They let her 'listen' to baby with a pinard (wooden trumpet type of thing) and with the dopppler and let her help with taking my bp.

I think the hardest thing I've found is finding places where it's easy to take both of them. A lot of baby groups round here are for babies OR toddlers but not both .

Tbh we haven't had any problems of dd1 being jealous of dd2, just general being 2 stuff so maybe we've just been lucky!

[Undercovamutha]

In a lot of ways it is much harder, in that you can't take your eyes off them for a minute lest the older one squash the baby!, your older one gets up at 6am and the baby has just gone back to sleep at 5.45am!, you have to leave the house to do the school run rather than lounge in dressing gown all day etc etc etc.
But in another way it is easier: as they get a bit older (baby say 6mo?) they begin to entertain each other, you are already a slave to parenthood so don't actually expect to ever get a break, and most importantly you have a lot more self-confidence that you can be a good mum!

Just explain to your DS as much as possible, show scan photos, get him to come to hospital to take you and the baby home etc. Be prepared for your DS to look like a GIANT when you have had the baby, and for you to be torn between wanting to spend all your time making sure your pfb is ok, but also wanting to fiercely defend your newborn from being squashed to a pulp by an over enthusiastic older brother!

Good luck and enjoy!

[witchwithallthetrimmings]

I don't think you can quantify it. It is as much of a leap as from 0 to 1. There will be times when you cannot believe how stressed and tired you are, and then times when you have two children blowing raspberries on your belly at 5 in the morning when you can't believe how lucky you are

[cranbury]

I found 1 to 2 so much easier than 0 to 1. There is nearly 2.5 year age gap. To be honest I have always been able to leave DD with the baby in the same room as she is so sensible, which has been a life saver as we have a rambling house. DD seemed to ignore her baby brother until relatively recently he is now 8 month old, now she makes him laugh and snatches his toys.

My advice is to not make a big thing about it, just that its normal to have a sibling. keep doing the normal things. pre-school was the biggest life saver.

I found not having sleep the worst, the afternoons with DD seem to drag when i am shattered. I would have love to have family entertain DD more than once a month so I can get some sleep in the afternoon.

[Meglet]

Very hard work. I just asked for loads of help from my family so I could survive. One thing that did help was putting newborn DD in the playpen for the first few weeks so big brother DS (then almost 2) wouldn't hurt her, it worked a treat and once she was allowed to lie on her playmat on her own the novelty had worn off and he left her alone.

Weaning was a PITA, I did a lot of BLW with DD so I could catch up on chores while they fiddled about with food together. There was no way I had time to sit there spoon feeding her every meal.

They are 15mo & 3 now, and while it's still hard I can see the light at the end of the tunnel as DD is almost a proper toddler and the baby days are gone and .

But, they are huge fun together. They make me laugh every day, even when they are doing something daft together . It's worth all the pain.

[NowWhatIsit]

My tips are -

get him realistic books about new baby - theres a nice american one with loads of real photos?new baby at your house?, talk about how babies cry alot & feed alot in the beginning rather than 'oh yes it'll be a lovely playmate for you'

When you are tied up with new one & No. 1 wants attention, you can say - I know, I'm fed up too, I really want to build LEGO with you etc...

Stockpile a few emergency distraction toys - books with noisy buttons, easy puzzles, videos - nothing that requires adult help..

Get any help you can esp at tea/bath/bedtime.

Remember the hard times will pass, for what its worth I found it much easier second time, & now I can lie in bed at the weekends & snooze & they entertain each other - Something to look forward to!!

[slushy06]

3.5 years between my ds 3.9 and dd 4months. It was hard for about a week but it was mostly visitors that made it hard as everyone coming to see the baby made him feel left out.

But ds loves dd and I thought I would only have two dc but after seeing how easy having 2 was compared to when I had my ds 3 doesn't seem so hard.

100 times easier going from 1 to 2 than 0 to 1 I would show him some films about a new baby like look who is talking two and just generally make him feel involved limit visitors to one visit each before you give birth you can always change your mind later.
One thing I did do was a height chart with lines on to 43 weeks and every week we crossed a line off and ds knew when we crossed all the lines dd was going to come so it helped him prepare.

I also choose 3 names I really liked and gave ds final choice. Ds was great with dd and is now really protective of her only problem is he won't let her sleep as he wants to play with her constantly. I think you will be fine.

Also alot of parents I know are having problem with two but they were really nervous of dc1 around dc2 so try to trust him a certain amount like don't be afraid he will hurt dc2 if left unaccompanied. I also let ds help with baths and nappy changes.

[slushy06]

Sorry about my last point didn't mean to offend anyone I hadn't read the thread

[Gateau]

I am also going against the grain, like craftnclothy. I have - so far - found the transition from 1 to 2 much easier than 0-1.
DS1 (2.6 when DS2 was born six wks ago) has - very surprisingly - been an absolute angel with DS2. We can't believe our luck and are just hoping it doesn't change. And I have been able to leave the two of them alone for short periods while I go off and do the odd quick job.
That said we have played the arrival of DS2 VERY low-key. DS1 only goes to nursery two days a week so on the other days that I have both of them I have been very, let's say 'functional' with the baby, ie feeding him and changing him with very little cooing - all geared towards making the transition easier for DS1. Then baby gets pampered on the days it's just me and him.
Whether it's our approach or just coincidence that DS1 has been fantastic, I don't know. But what I am sure of is that the way DS1 has been has contributed loads to my enjoyment of being a mother-of-two, because I'm loving it. And for that I'll be eternally grateful to him, because I was dreading how it would be.
I guess another way I have of looking at it is that going from 0-1 was totally overwhelming, in part, because I realised my life would never be my own again. Well with no 2 I don't expect to get any time to myself anyway, nor am I bothered about it so I get on with it and enjoy it.I want to cherish this phase when they're so little.
I hope you enjoy it all too. Best of luck.