I'm worried my DD is pregnant.....

[FlippertyGibbert]

I have changed my name for this post because i dont want my dd to find it accidently...so i hope you all understand.

I'm worried my DD is pregnant. she is 18 in a steady relationship and has been on the pill for 6 months. She has over the past three months taken her pill without a break, so she says, cos its been inconvienient to have a period. She says tho that she is on her period now.. yet there's no evidence (I'm her mother, i do her washing ..you know these things!)
Sadly, i have also counted the ST and Tampons and she hasnt used any . (I know )

i could be being unfair and she may have continued to take her pill and just didnt want to tell me..

I just have my doubts... i keep looking at her, i dont think she's put on weight, she's not being sick, her boobs look a bit bigger to me - or am i imagining it?

I may be doing her a serious injustice by doubting her.. she has been a darling daughter, no trouble and just doing her A-Levels now. but i cant help worrying.

I have asked her outright, and she said no... i'm not sure what to do ...i know it wouldnt be the end of the world if she was, but...

[essbee]

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[invisiblegirl]

Is it possible she's bought her own and keeps them in her bedroom?

Or if she is maybe she is planning a termination. Sorry to be so blunt but maybe she needs to deal with it herself before she can tell anyone

[essbee]

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[FlippertyGibbert]

we've always had a good relationship- and can talk quite openly. She says she isnt pregnant, i know i should trust her, i just cant help feeling a bit suspicious IYKWIM

[FlippertyGibbert]

E- actually no she's not avoiding alcohol - she went to a party last week and got a bit tipsy, (I didnt read anything but support in your post )

IG u maybe right it may be something she feels/wants to deal with on her own if she is pregnant.

Can i ask -if it was your dd would you feel suspicious too? or is it just me and i should mind my own business.

[invisiblegirl]

crikey I would feel very suspicious, my dd is 12 and am not looking forward to the real teen years

[essbee]

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[Fran1]

Odd one. Could be simply explanation like shes using her own sanitary towels or she has continued on the pill - but why wouldn't she want to tell you?

Could she have started to use a different contraception but not wanted to tell you? like the injection which stops periods?

what reasons did you give for suspecting when you spoke to her?

You obviously have a very good relationship with your daughter, what did you gut instinct tell you when she answered no? Did it ring true, did she get sulky with you asking?

Did you spell it out, that if she were pg you would be supportive in whatever she chose to do?

[charleepeters]

whats the problem if she is pg, if shes 18and in a steady relationship?

[Nemo1977]

hi
i dont have a daughter or a teenager..lol However when I was younger and on the pill sometimes i used to do what your daughter is doing and run them together for a few months..mainly because at 18 the last thing oyu wanted to think about was ur bloomin period..she may be telling you shes on a break cos she thinks u will be worried about her running the packs together for a long time as it does say only for a month but i did used to do 6mths..lol If she is in steady relationship it will prob be just to avoid the hassle of an af...so just let her know ur there but dont push too much ..

[Chickyboo]

flippertygibbert I think its great that you can talk you your daughter like this.

Both of my sisters were in this situation, I had already left home so when I came home I was shocked that my parents didn't notice that both sisters were about 6 mths pregnant. (this was 18 years ago)

Anyway the fact that you have opened communication channels is great and also all you can do.

[FlippertyGibbert]

thanks guys fo the replies - she has never brought or needed to buy her own sanitary stuff before, so i dont think she would be that bothered about buying her own IYSWIM. she may be continuing with the pill like u say, even tho i've said its not good for her to do it for so long.

i asked her if she was pg, she said no in an eyes rolling sort of way, i didnt push it. i didnt say i was worried about it.(even though i am!)

cp- it wouldnt be the end of the world if she was pg, of course i would be supportive, but she was hoping to go to uni in sept, it would be complicated if she were pg for her. but not unachievable.

[cityofmarvels]

I think all you can do is continue your good relationship and if there is something to tell she will do so eventually...my dd2 has a 14 mth old baby and she didn't tell me until 6 months and I had asked..I think she wanted to come to terms with it in her own way without feeling overwhelmed by anyone else ...hth

[lilaclotus]

there's no point panicking about it if she says she isn't. she will come to you if she is. she sounds like a responsible young woman. i'd make sure she feels you're available and have trust in her.

[FlippertyGibbert]

thanks chick, i have been very lucky with both my kids, in that we can talk, i have brought them up on my own for the past seven years so its not been easy,

anyway i'm off to work now, i would appreciate anybodies views or experience of this.

[Lizzylou]

I think she may just be worried about telling you that she's taking another pack of pills back to back. You say that you've warned her about it and she prob just doesn't want you to know....she is doing her A-Levels and prob just doesn't want a period throughout her exams.......!!!

[basketcase]

When I was a teenager my periods went through patches of being very erratic when I was stressed out (didn?t know the cause at the time but can see it now.) Around the time of my A levels, my mum started to quiz me about being pregnant as she noticed I hadn?t used any tampons for ages... I hadn?t really got a steady bf at the time and was highly embarrassed. Even though my mum thought we had really open discussions and were close, I just used to smile and open up a little bit just to shut her up and get her to feel satisfied that I was being open with her and leave me alone again. Anyway, I lied to her and said my period was due any day and sometimes it was a couple of days late (didn?t admit that some months I didn?t even have one at all, the whole thing made me clam up). It was dreadful, the more she waited, the more stressed out I was, the more she kept giving me glances and offered to take me to the Gp "just to be sure" - how could I tell her that I hadn?t slept with anyone for a year?!! This went on for several weeks, was horrendously embarrassing and stressful. I cried and cried when I finally came on and knew mum would leave me alone. So silly, such a stress considering I was trying to do exams too. My mum never knew how much pressure she put me under and how embarrassed I was.
I am not suggesting this is like your situation and you might a have a brilliant relationship with her. All I am saying is that sometimes mums think they know their daughters better than they really do and that pushing them can make them cover up and seem vague and distant when really they are mortified and embarrassed. Perhaps give her a little room, let her know you trust her and love her and leave it up to her to talk if/when necessary.
Whatever happens, good luck

[homemama]

Flippertygibbert, I agree with Nemo that it may be that she's worried that you'll worry that she's carried on without a break. Nobody wants their period in the summer!
I actually read somewhere that there is no need for the break each month. That the two docs who invented the pill thought that having a 'period' each month would make women worry less about taking the pill! The article said that many female doctors only stop once a year if that.
Sound like you have a great relationship with your DD. Well done!

[singleteenagemum]

FG - Coming in a bit late on this one sorry. I'm 18 myself and am now 26weeks pregnant. I really wouldn't worry, you sound like you have a good open relationship with your DD. I don't have that sort with my own mum, but she was still the first person i turned to when i found out. Daughters are funny things they always know they can rely on their mum and i'm sure if she had something really big going on in her life you'd be the first person she spoke to. Don't push anything with, you don't want to ruin what you've already got. Don't do anything to jeopardise her trust.

[horseshoe]

I'm not saying she is but my mother instictively knew with both me and my DS. DS was 16 when she fell with her first and 19 with her second. I was 22 with my first. This time round mum said to me, "I think you could be pregnant". I thought it was madness as I hadn't even missed a period but as I had been TTC and trusted my mothers instincts I thought "do a test" Guess what!!! nearly 10 weeks pg.

I would say trust your instincts but there is a fine line between instincts and invading someones privacy. How you find the common ground I dont know!

[HappyMumof2]

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[wishingchair]

Think I agree with the others in that she's probably just running over another month and she just doesn't want to mention it cos you've said it's not good for her. Plus the inference is that the reason why she doesn't want an af is cos it interferes with the you-know-what with her boyfriend - it sounds like you have a good relationship with her but not sure you want to hear details like that! Hope all is well. x

[FlippertyGibbert]

oh you wise and wonderful people- thankyou - what you have all said makes sense - i 'll leave her to it and keep the pressure off and i'll stop counting the sanitary ware (so embarrased that i told u all that )

crikey teenage kids - who'd have them

[Cam]

FlippertyGibbert, I've got a story for you.

My dd was pregnant at 18, but she didn't know it. She was on the pill and convinced that she therefore couldn't get pregnant. I just knew she was though. She was still getting light periods (withdrawal bleeding on the pill) but as she put on weight she got worried and went to the doctor. This doctor was female, examined her and said she had "congestion" and prescribed a progesterone pill to "bring on her period properly" . I was amazed that the doctor didn't suggest a pg test. When the new pills did not bring on a proper period, dd went back to the doctor who this time could feel the uterus had grown and she was finally "diagnosed" as being 5 months pregnant . She told me immediately and I supprorted her all the way with having the gorgeous boy who is my grandson (now aged 13). Luckily the progesterone pills were not harmful to pregnancy!

[homemama]

FG, when you count the sanitary ware is that just loos or do you count the sinks as well!
Made me laugh!