DD invited to play-without me.What would you do?

[TheGreatScootini]

My DD started nursery class in September and will be 4 on Boxing day.She has made a few friends that she seems to get on with very well which is a huge relief as she is very shy and we were worried she wouldnt settle.

I work FT and so our CM does most of the picking up and dropping off.
Yesterday one of DD's friends Mothers asked the CM (Assuming she was DD's Mum) if DD could go to their house to play after nursery on Monday.I will be at work so she would leave nursery with her friend and friends Mum, and then the cm would pick her up later.
She has also mentioned it to her DD as my DD also asked me about it and is very excited at the idea.

However Im not sure if she should go.I dont know the Mother at all, (nor does DD obv) and nor does our CM, and am not sure if DD is a bit young to be going to peoples houses on her own that she doesnt know iyswim.(she goes to the houses of her friends that we know very well occasionally on her own but she has literally known then since she was born)

I am dropping DD off at school in the morning and I think this Mother may ask me about DD coming round.

Would you let your DD go?And if not how would you say this to the Mum?And to your DD who will be very dissapointed?

[saythatagain]

I wouldn't - all because of what you have said. Does that make me/you over protective? I don't think so (& also don't care!) Go with your instinct.

[fillybuster]

I would. In fact, I do...and my ds is very proud of his independance and ability to go on playdates (and now birthday parties) by himself. Having said that, I always know where he is and stuff like that. Perhaps you could give the mother a ring and introduce yourself to her, have a chat about DD visiting and so on - you'll feel happier if the mother isn't a total stranger and DD will get her playdate

[allaboutme]

I'd say your DD would love to go but she is a bit shy at first with new places and people - would they mind arranging a diferent time for the first play date so that you could go along too to settle her in?

[tinkerbellesmuse]

This is a hard one but if your DD is excited then I would be inclined to let her go.

However I would ensure that I had spoken to the mother on the phone and had spoken to her about things like carseats for pick up - quite a good guage (for me!) of whether such a playdate is a good idea.

[Trafficcone]

Of course I'd let her go. What are you going to do? Crb every Mum in your kids class? My kids all went on playdates after playgroup from age 3 and I only knew the Mums from the cloakroom. The chances of them being a child abusing weirdo are next to nil and even if you did get to know them, they could still be dodgy and one day you would leave your child with someone.
My lot are 14,11 and 9 and we've never had a problem andthe kids have made wonderful friends as a result.

[Hulababy]

Hmm...not sure. My DD didn't do play dates, apart from with friends I knew well, on her own before she started school.

I would have to at least have spoken to the mum first, but would prefer to have met her at leastonce or twice. I don't think that is over protective at 3 years old TBH.

[TheGreatScootini]

Thats a good idea allaboutme.I suppose the only problem is that often people like to keep their weekends to themselves and there would be no time I could go with, except a weekend.

Trafficcone of course I dont want to CRB everyone DD comes into contact with.Im not particularly an overprotective parent.But I wouldnt let DD go off with some random in the street whom I didnt know just because they had a child my DD had taken a shine too, and this Mum and her DD are totally unknown to me in the same way.Her DD being in the same class as mine for 8 weeks isnt really a great basis for trusting her with my child surely?I know there is a very low chance any harm will come to her, but I guess thats what the thread was for-to try and decide if the risk is too great or not.

The Mum didnt say did I want to go around too, which to me would be the obvious thing to do (and which I have done with the other girl she is friendly with on the day I did drop her off and we got to talking).Thus it feels quite tricky to me to try to and invite myself as well, (not that I particularly want to go-its not some friend getting exercise for me BTW)

[TheGreatScootini]

But I dont want to insult the Mum either who is probably a very nice woman and just wants her daughters friend to come round.I worry it will be difficult to say no without casting aspersions on her iyswim.

Blimey.Everything was much easier when she was a baby and I got to choose the friends

[fillybuster]

...I'm looking forward to reading your posts in about 12 years time when she starts choosing her own boyfriends ...you'll be reminiscing about how simple it was when she was 3

[brimfull]

If you feel worried about it just be honest with the other mum as you have here. If she's anyway decent she will understand your caution.
I would feel the same as you.

[brimfull]

tis completely different with preschool child