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9 year old gets rude and territorial when friends come to play

(9 Posts)
Jamieandhismagictorch Wed 11-Nov-09 18:05:24

Hi - don't often start threads, so be gentle ....

My 9 and 6 year old sons have their own rooms. DS1s room is bigger, and he spends more time in there as he really enjoys playing on his own - Lego etc

DS2s room smaller, and he doesn't really play with toys on his own very much. When it's just them, they often play together in each other's rooms, but DS1 also at times wants to be on his own - fair enough. I have encouraged the idea of each of them needing their own space, and the other respecting this.

Problem arises when both have friends round to play - this is always 2 brothers. On these occasions, DS1 gets very territorial - won't let the younger ones in his room, starts off shouting and says they can't come in as they'll mess his room up and break things. This results in a row, and upset ....
His rudeness puts my back up so I can't be objective about whether this is reasonable or not. I would like them all to be able to play together (which is what the other children seem to want too), and for DS1 to be more gracious.

How would/do you deal with this :

- Avoid the situation in the first place on the grounds that DS1 finds it difficult ?
- Make a rule that older ones play with older ones, and younger with younger, in seperate rooms
- Insist they play together ?
- Something else ? eg DS1 draws up some ground rules if others are to come into his room, so he feels more in control ...

CristinaTheAstonishing Wed 11-Nov-09 18:08:18

It would be tough on your younger one if he couldn't have friends round because of his older brother. OTOH your DS1 is entitled to have others respect his room, so I'd go with your last option. Much the same as you would with your own bedroom, i.e. you'd let DS's friends play in it but not go through your wardrobe etc.

Jamieandhismagictorch Wed 11-Nov-09 18:14:03

Thanks Cristina.

I actually don't let the kid's friends go in my room when they come to play ... Maybe I'm the one with territoriality issues blush

Jamieandhismagictorch Wed 11-Nov-09 18:48:22

Sorry kids' (for all the pedants out there wink)

Jamieandhismagictorch Thu 12-Nov-09 02:43:09


mrsjammi Thu 12-Nov-09 03:06:34

Message withdrawn

savoycabbage Thu 12-Nov-09 04:04:55

I can understand your ds totally! He is right that they will mess things up and break them.

Can you imaging if you asked your adult friend to your house and they messed around with your stuff, took your cups out of your cup cupboard and then put them in the jam cupboard. shock Reset your oven clock. Shuffled your coasters.

I think that he should be allowed to keep them out of his room and that the younger ones should play elsewhere. My two dd's share a room too so I know where you are coming from. I put all my older dd's precious things in my own room when they have friends over. My three year old and her gang would wreak my older dd's pop us castle book etc if they had access to it, not in a mean way but because they are too young to play with her things.

I would never let my dd's friends play with my wedding album or ghd straightners as I would imagine that they would ruin them!

Jamieandhismagictorch Thu 12-Nov-09 07:08:31

Thanks for your opinions mrsjammi and savoy.

I think the reason I've got myself a bit confused is that the other mum looked a bit aghast at DS1s rudeness yesterday (which is another issue ...), and her DCs share a room, so friends of all ages play there together.

Jamieandhismagictorch Thu 12-Nov-09 16:48:15


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