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what did you swear you'd do differently from your mum

(51 Posts)
mummysgoingmad Tue 10-Nov-09 01:00:26

for me it was getting drunk in front of my ds, and not having people round every fri night

mummysgoingmad Tue 10-Nov-09 01:01:21

i mean not getting drunk infront of ds blush

GreenMonkies Tue 10-Nov-09 03:10:39

quite a lot, but specifically; treat my children like human beings, acknowledge their feelings and opinions, even if I don't do exactly what they want, and not smack them the second they show any sign of thinking for themselves!

My mum admits now that they were "too hard" on us and that she wasn't very comfortable with my dad's childrearing theories.

(ah well, it's nothing counselling didn't fix hmm)

DippyDino Tue 10-Nov-09 09:51:58

I swore that I'd act like I gave a shit...
No slapping, no screaming things like 'you've ruined my life,' no bitter resentment solouring everything in my dd's life. I swore that I would protect my dd if she were ever at risk from other children or adults.

Phew, sorry. Had a nasty e-mail from my mother last night and I've just about had enough of the poisonous old bat! Bad timing to see this thread!

Oh and I swore I'd always see that dd had proper dental treatment, but that's another thread entirely!

brimfull Tue 10-Nov-09 09:55:18

not move to a different country for a yr at crucial age of 13

allow music lessons

support with help paying for university

AortaBeTidying Tue 10-Nov-09 09:57:04

To at least pretend to be interested in their current phase.

That as far as I could, they would be allowed to
collect the current fad (gogos match attacks....)

That I would always end the day telling them I lived them

that they would never be locked in the understairs cupboard for telling lies ( which weren't lies)

to remember that their feelings are as valid as mine

that they shall never be forcefed especially if they don't like a food

that their friends can come round to play

that they can HAVE friends

I think I better stop

AortaBeTidying Tue 10-Nov-09 09:57:45

Loved not lived

BiscuitFace Tue 10-Nov-09 10:07:19

work

IMoveTheStarsForNoOne Tue 10-Nov-09 10:15:41

I will never say "I wish we'd never had kids, we should have stuck with dogs instead"

I will also never tell my child that he's "funny looking"

hmmangry

puppie Tue 10-Nov-09 11:14:27

Never slap DS

Never cut up his clothes with a pair of scissors because he spent a bit more money on his love interests' Christmas pressie than on mine.

When he is older I will never say 'you had better hurry up and have kids or they will be retarded' (sorry I know that is an awful thing to say but just repeating what she said.

Old favourite....'I used to bite you back if you bit me'

I will never say 'you are losing your looks' to an already selfconsious teenager.

Ooh this is a good venting thread too!

Chickenshavenolips Tue 10-Nov-09 11:17:06

I always vowed that I wouldn't marry an unsuitable man, have children with him and then let him bully my kids because 'it was easier'. And I didn't.

bethoo Tue 10-Nov-09 11:17:38

to not resent my daughters and put them down at every opportunity or refer to them as sluts, damaged goods. the list is endless but you get the idea as so many have already mentioned!

KnottyLocks Tue 10-Nov-09 11:21:44

Not to cook food until it's grey.

I've been very lucky to have had a wonderful mother. Feel sad for those who haven't.

PlumpRumpSoggyBaps Tue 10-Nov-09 11:39:26

To tell my children every day that I love them.

To tell them they're gorgeous.

To instil bags of self-confidence.

To show interest in homework (or at least ask if they've got any).

And, if I'd had girls, never to make them feel that they're lower in the pecking order than their brothers.

And never say 'When you're grown up and you've got your own home you can do what you like in it. Until then you follow my rules'. (Damn. Failed on that one......grin)

slushy06 Tue 10-Nov-09 12:31:06

Never say 'don't do as I do do as I tell you'

char grille food

Let my children look after me.

Baby them too much so that at 11 years old they are still afraid of the dark and their own bed.

Encourage them to cry when hurt to make me feel needed.

Or tell them they expect too much of people that some people are just weak and they are lucky they were born alot stronger so they could make the hard calls.

Above all to take NO interest in school studies when my children get straight a's and then the minute they are having a bad day and heaven forbid get a b come down like a tonne of bricks and give them a weeks grounding and make out it was all down to me they got good grades. Which of course meant I rebelled and good grades ceased.

God wish I hadn't started this now. Got more baggage than I realized grin.

harimosmummy Tue 10-Nov-09 12:36:20

For me..

treat them as individuals and not simply as an extention of myself - however hard it is to let them go. My DS is 18 months now and I'm already concious of letting him be his own person.

Never say 'I wish I had never had kids' - which my mother did and does say a lot to us.

Never piss on something that's important to them. my mum had a massive rant at me because I got a 2nd class degree, not a first.

ALways be cool and dress smartly. NEVER try to embarass them.

And, most of all, tell them that NO MATTER WHAT I LOVE THEM BEYOND INFINITY.

nickelbabe Tue 10-Nov-09 12:38:28

i never thought my parents were too bad,
but i will never tell my child that their violin practice sounds like they're strangling a cat (when they've only been learning for a couple of months)
and i will never tell them that it's okay not to go to their club/activity because they seemingly can't be bothered and therefore never go again. (and regret that choice later on when it's too late)

i will never (this one might be harder) grit my teeth when i'm yelling at them and swear with more venom than is humanly possible.

TrillianAstra Tue 10-Nov-09 12:40:19

"You'll sit there until you've eaten it"

nickelbabe Tue 10-Nov-09 12:41:40

trillian: my mum swore that one after her brother was given the same dinner for three days on a trot and not allowed anything else until he had eaten it (of course it was inedible by then)

thedollshouse Tue 10-Nov-09 12:42:46

I swore that I would encourage independance, my mum was still getting me dressed for school in the morning right up until puberty!
Ds has been dressing himself since he was 3.

Also encourage them to do things so they become capable adults, my mum would still get me a drink, prepare all my meals and make my bed when I was 18. blush Ds already does some of these things.

Not to be so naive and trusting when they are teenagers. My mum was convinced that I was the blue eyed girl and could do no wrong. She had no idea what I was really up to. hmm When my children are teenagers I will ensure that there are firmer boundaries.

Install confidence and ambition in my children. To my mum confidence signalled arrogance and as a result I was painfully shy.

On the plus side, I grew up in a home where I felt loved and safe and we also had lots of fun. I want the same for my children.

AboardtheAxiom Tue 10-Nov-09 12:51:32

Another one who is determined to instill self confidence and ambition, I want my DS to believe {even with his SN} that he could do anything he put his mind to and that I would be behind him 100%.

For my son to have some pride and be comfortable talking in class, making friends, looking after himself. I was raised in a speak when spoken to household. hmm

Not make my child my entire world leaving him feeling eternally guilty for naturally growing up, moving out and starting his own life.

BonjourIvresse Tue 10-Nov-09 12:55:43

I never hit my children,
I never make my DD do housework because " a woman's work is never done" while DS stays and plays
I will never make my children eat sprouts
I will never take the piss out of my children's love interests or tease them about it

Sidge Tue 10-Nov-09 12:57:55

Everything

sweetkitty Tue 10-Nov-09 13:00:41

Tell them every day they are special and that I love them.

Hug them

Actually take an interest in them and what they are up to.

Do not favour one over the other

Do not resent them for being more intelligent and having better opportunities than I did.

Tell them that they are second class to men

Hit them

To not take every opportunity to belittle them and try and take the little bit of self confidence they do have away.

can you tell I don't get on with my mother?

fannybanjo Tue 10-Nov-09 13:07:46

This thread is making me sad. How unfortunate for you all that there are huge mistakes made by your mother, the one person who should nurture you. sad

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