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everyone says my one is angel but i dont think so

(18 Posts)
bumbly Mon 09-Nov-09 15:35:17

at home is turning real bad against me - only me

pretend biting me still but now bit more with teeth

pushing me away etc and etc screaming never obeying

is this normal - i wouldnt say so and if is i don't like it as ampretty placid persongrandfolk always get fun things to do and day plays only in eves

argh!!!

today took away all his cars cuz bit me...fel;l so bad

Lulumama Mon 09-Nov-09 15:38:11

bumbly, here we are again! you post so much about this and still seem to think there is something wrong with you and your baby. there isn't.

it is absolutely normal

how old is he? 18 months or so? 2?

all the things you say are what toddlers do to push the boundaries

taking away his cars because he bit you is unlikely to help, he won't remember that , he'll just be upset he has no cars

what do you want? reassurance he is normal? parenting tips? or everyone to say actually, he is not normal?

i have posted many times on your threads re your little one and i am still concerned that you are not enjoying motherhood and are perhaps depressed/have anxiety issues
but there you go

colditz Mon 09-Nov-09 15:43:52

yes it is normal.

My 3.5 year old still 'threatens' me with his teeth. I tell him off. It's NORMAL for children not to snap to it and obey you, or love you, or be nice to you.

If he's only doing it in the evening it's probably because he's tired. If he's only doing it to you, it's because you are his mother. It really IS as simple as that. He's not punishing you, he doesn't hate you, he is testing himself and his powers on you, because you are the SAFE person in his life.

It's normal toddler behavior. You not liking it is fine, but don't make the mistake of thinking they don't all do it.

bumbly Mon 09-Nov-09 15:48:12

sorry typos - meant "dad" only plays in eves and doesnt get grind of it all

plays up from start in morning

may be anxious yes

thanks lulu always for your advice

lo is 2 and a bit now

bumbly Mon 09-Nov-09 15:48:56

and starting to be menacing to tohers too now - most odd and was always the shy one!

bumbly Mon 09-Nov-09 15:49:39

keeps talking sabout how he desnt have cars today as he has been naughty today- so i know he understands

!

colditz Mon 09-Nov-09 15:53:00

"Menacing" is a very sinister word to use about a 2 year old, Bumbly!

He's being normal, he's being 2. not for nothing does playschool start at 2 years old!

Do you take him to any toddler groups? It might do you good to see other children being as naughty if not naughtier than your own.

ilovetochat Mon 09-Nov-09 15:54:40

hi bumbly, my dd is 2.4 and ive had a thread recently about her, she says she doesnt like me only likes daddy and has just passed the biting stage for now anyway. just wanted you to know your not the only one, im going through it to, i struggle to cope and think ive failed her but reading all the replies to my thread made it feel much more normal.
smile
i have realised a lot of when i struggle is down to my emotions, particularly pmt, rather than a change in dd.

posieparker Mon 09-Nov-09 15:57:27

OP get out and go to play groups, look around and talk to other mothers. You're experience is normal. Talk to your health visitor about what you expect a two year old to understand and how he should behave.

Buy/loan a book on parenting.... real parenting.

Be careful that you don't label your child as 'naughty' when he's not as in a few years time you may find he's proving you right.

AMumInScotland Mon 09-Nov-09 16:11:58

Bumbly - have you never wondered why people talk about the "terrible twos"? It's an age where children do behave this way - it doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with him, or with the way you are parenting.

Dad comes home in the evening, probably doesn't try to make him do anything he doesn't want (like eat food when he'd rather play, change nappy etc - you know, normal necessary things!), and just plays with him. So it's no surprise that he see the playful side of him, while you see the more difficult elements.

It is normal.

Taking away his toys because he bit you won't make much of a difference to him - at this age they only really understand simple things. You could try saying "Ow" in a very "hurt" tone, so he can start understanding that it hurts you - but at 2 he only has a very vague idea that other people might have feelings.

Best thing to do is try to be patient, and make sure you get out and about and see other mums and children, which will reassure you that there's nothing unusual about him.

Lulumama Mon 09-Nov-09 17:18:47

DD went through a terrible stage around 20 months, and it lasted a while, she was non verbal until 2.5... she was frustrated as knew exactly what she watned but no way of communicating, she bit other children, hit , hiar pulled etc.. to the point i stopped taking her to mum & tot groups. it does pass, you have to not think your child is somewhoe abnormal or bad or naughty andbeyond help

LIZS Mon 09-Nov-09 18:37:28

agree it is really normal behaviour. He may well remember the punishment ie being deprived of cars but not the actual reason why. It won't make him think in advance next time, his memory is still very short term and he will be impulsive in his behaviour - but he is being 2! Avoid explanation and protracted punishments, make the consequences short and immediate then move on. He is craving your attention, whether by good behaviour or bad, so elaborately priase the former and give less to the latter. Perhaps a reward system for positive behaviour (chart, stickers, pasta jar (search mn for that one!) might work better than taking things away.

Does he attend any playgroups without you yet ? He may well learn better in an environment less focussed on his relationship with you and you would get a break.

bumbly Mon 09-Nov-09 19:55:07

thanks for that everyone..very helpful

tonight he told daddy he has no cars because he bit me..in those exact words - so i am UTTERLY convinced he knows - however i know he is a toddler and prob testing me

perhaps it is time to have a couple of hours away from me with other kids

i do go to toddler groups whereas before he was shy now he keeps saying shall i hit them - and doesnt really do much but does talk about hitting/it a lot!

reward system sounds ace though pasta jar eludes me

LIZS Mon 09-Nov-09 20:11:43

Pasta Jar - you might beed to adapt it to favourite sweets or car for having so many as he is still little.

thisisyesterday Mon 09-Nov-09 20:17:54

hi bumbly, i agree with the others, it really is perfectly normal behaviour

as mums we do often get the worst of their behaviour because they trust us enough to let us have it and they know we'll still love them afterwards

for what it's worth i don';t think him repeating what you have told him means he understands it at all. you can teach a speaking child to say pretty much anythingby repeating it, it doesn';t make them understand it though

bumbly Tue 10-Nov-09 15:33:07

all going well today at playgroup till baby wacked my one with a idno real hard so he thought well i will do same and then all of session was waking things hard including other kids

he is totally against babies at mo and cant understand why he is disciplined and them not!

LauraN1 Tue 10-Nov-09 19:32:23

Bumbly, you write: "tonight he told daddy he has no cars because he bit me..in those exact words - so i am UTTERLY convinced he knows - however i know he is a toddler and prob testing me"

It may well be that he knows that you took the cars away because he bit - you probably told him often enough. But that does not mean that he actually understands the situation, or that he learns from it, and won't do it in the future.

His little brain is simply not ready for it. Adult logic just does not apply to a 2 yo.

bumbly Tue 10-Nov-09 19:36:56

fair enough and infact he play bit me again

i got really low and told him without getting angry it hurt and i was upset

then he asked me if i was sad

i said yes and was only a little happy and he said

be a lot happy!

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