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mum to 18 week-old - need reassurance!

(5 Posts)
ExistentialistCat Sun 08-Nov-09 11:54:21

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable in my expectations of myself as a mum or of my DD and would really appreciate people's thoughts... Here are my main concerns:

1) She really doesn't like being put down. She's a little more tolerant of the bouncy chair and kicking about on the floor for a few minutes without me than she was as a newborn, but not much. So I carry her in a sling a lot of the time. Is there anything I can do to encourage her to be happy on the floor/bouncer watching me, or will this just sort itself out in time (how much time?!)? Am I a terrible mum for sometimes leaving her in the bouncer when she is a bit whingey (I don't let her get v upset) so that I can get on with things?

2) I'm often not quite sure what to do with her all day long. We do some singing, reading (well, chewing books), 'playing' with (chewing) toys, and I try to get out of the house as much as I can, as that seems to be good for both of us. But I very, very often have that 'how on earth am I going to pass the day?' kind of feeling.

It doesn't help that everyone from my wretched NCT antenatal group goes on and on about how fulfilled they are by motherhood and how much they're enjoying this stage - surely I'm not alone in being a bit bored and lonely (and feeling very, very guilty about it) at times?!

That's enough moaning for now. Please either reassure me that all this is normal or give me ideas on how I could do things differently!

itshappenedagain Sun 08-Nov-09 12:28:23

i wouldnt worry about her not wanting to be put down...i carried my son about constantly for nearly 6 months then he wanted to get down, used to do all chores and u8ni work with him strapped to me!
18 weeks is very small, so yes...sorry to say this can be very boring and monotanous, there is only so many time in a day you can sing twinkle twinkle before you want to burst into song with music you actually like.
i would advise joining every group going...i di this with Ds and was a god send, also met lots of mums there and we got eachother through the boring bits.
and most fo all dont worrya about all the other mothers at NCT group, you know you are looking after your DD in a way which fits your life, dont compare them to you. but do get used to what we more commonly say around here is the baby olympics...mothers whos baby/toddler/child does everything perfectly and will ask you questions to make them feel that their child is better than yours. enjoy yor DD wilst she is so small, as it flys over...even if seems likethere are 42 hours in a day at the moment!

fufulina Sun 08-Nov-09 18:56:14

So weird - I was only thinking today that I remember the Monday mornings when DH would go off to work and I'd sit there wondering how on earth I was going to fill my week. And thinking back it was about the age you're at now - months 4 to 5. Then she started sitting more - being much happier to explore toys on her own, and she got to be much better company. Seems odd to describe a baby as good company - but I find her genuinely good company now - is thats something to worry about?? grin

DD is now 10 and a half months old and I rarely get that feeling now. But I think she was definitely the most 'difficult' at that stage - still pretty helpless from a mobility point of view, but getting far more aware - IYSWIM. I remember lots of sling-action - she was much happier there. I had a baby bjorn and I'd wear her while preparing dinner, sorting washing, etc... I also did a LOT of walking to Sainsbury's/the park, and meeting up with other mums and pre-baby friends for lunch. In fact - I only thought the other day that I hadn't walked to Sainsbury's for months - although it used to be a god-send to get out of the house during her first wake up and keep her occupied...

Now (and from about 6/7 months) - she would far rather be on the floor and playing with her toys, scooting into the kitchen to check out the veg rack, and is so much more content in her own company and under her own steam. Far less wearing IMO.

So - it does pass - very quickly!

ExistentialistCat Sun 08-Nov-09 22:11:41

Thank you very much, itshappenedagain and fufulina, I appreciate your support! Good to hear that I'm not alone in walking to the supermarket just to fill a morning...

WheeeFreshSparkleBang Sun 08-Nov-09 22:23:55

Not alone, I find that stage totally boring too! My advice would be to get on with anything and everything you want to do, don't feel like you are Looking After The Baby, more that you are getting on with your life and the baby is coming along too. All they really want at this age is to be near you, they don't need vast amounts of stimulation.

If you're getting enough sleep and feel active, then do some stuff like learning new dishes to cook or sorting out photos etc. Go shopping. Go to Baby Cinema, if there's one near you? If you're knackered, sleep a lot and watch lots of crap telly! And yes, definitely meet up with other mums etc.

BTW, they're all lying when they say they're really fulfilled, they're bored too, I promise. wink Either that or they're devoted to showing their baby flash cards to get them into the right primary school in 4 years' time.....

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