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So do you worry about one child more than your others?

(37 Posts)
roseability Sat 07-Nov-09 11:19:08

Came across this word in the Gaurdian today. Sorgenkind is German for'problem child' or 'child of sorrow'

In today's Family section in the Gaurdian one woman describes her Sorgenkind as 'the child she worries about her whole life'

Does every mother have one?

I worry about my DS more than my DD. It is not a question of love. I love them both equally but I worry about him more.

Hassled Sat 07-Nov-09 11:25:34

Yes, one of my DCs is more vulnerable, I'd say, than the others. I worry more about his future than I do about the others, but then I know he'll always have his siblings looking out for him.

bruffin Sat 07-Nov-09 11:35:53

I do, my Ds 14 is my worry. He has a lot of relatively minor health problem which could have potentially lethal consequences ie nut allergy and still has febrile convulsions at 14. Most children who have fc are only little and are with adults . He has a teen is very independent and also has a penchant for the more dangerous sports ie climbing I worry if he had one in the wrong place ie in the middle of the road (like my sister did when she was 10 in front of a lorryshock ).
Although very bright has dylexic problems which thankfully he manages very well, also had one or two bullying problems which have been sorted out.

I do have one or two minor worries about DD but she just seems to drift through life quite happily sorting out her own problems, without needing us. Whether this is because she is a self sufficient little sole or because she has been neglected while we have been worrying about ds I do not know, I do hope it's the first not the later

bruffin Sat 07-Nov-09 11:38:24

Actually reading Hassled's post DD's primary teacher told us once that she does worry about her brother a lot, but you wouldn't know it at home grin

Ingles2 Sat 07-Nov-09 11:43:09

god yes, I constantly worry about ds2. He has mild SEN and is a naive, trusting and sensitive soul. I just hope his brother will look out for him.

sarah293 Sat 07-Nov-09 11:44:44

Message withdrawn

Plonker Sat 07-Nov-09 12:23:08

Most definitely.

I worry about my dd1 the most. She's a real enigma of a child and I worry that people don't 'get' her.

She doesn't have health problems, or SN.
She is very sensitive, easily led/persuaded (although this is less so as she is getting older) and finds it hard to express herself.
She also hates school (well the academics) and although her teachers say she's doing well she doesn't believe that sad

My dd2 is a sunny child who embraces life. She is certainly the most mischievious of my children and does get herself into lots of scrapes (gets stuck on rooves etc) and although I do worry - it is a different kind of worry. I don't lose nearly as much sleep over her as I do over her sister.

Dd3 is only 2 and appears to be more like dd2 up to now. I guess only time will tell ...

bronze Sat 07-Nov-09 12:27:15

yes ds1 has always been 'different' currently under senco and being assessed. He finds life so hard bless him

LadyOfTheFlowers Sat 07-Nov-09 12:34:11

For me, it's DS2.

He is very much like me. He looks like my side of the family.

As a child I was chubby, needed glasses. Nothing wrong with all this I know - but I was teased relentlessly.

He is chunkier than the other kids but not chubby yet.

chegirl Sat 07-Nov-09 13:04:20

When I had DD and DS1 I always used to worry about DS because he was a bit mad and always walking into walls etc. He didnt have any common sense. I never worried about DD. I just knew that she would be ok. She was a bit of a golden girl. Clever and thoughtful, loads of common sense and people loved her. It helped that she was very good looking (not saying DS isnt clever and good looking BTW)

But she was the one who died. She got sick and died and there was nothing we could do. No amount of protection and worrying about her wouldve saved her. Ironic is not quite the right word but do you know what I mean?

Saying all that I cant help worrying about DS2 so much because life is a constant puzzle to him and always well be. He is very vunerable.

DS1 for all his madness seems to sail through life! He is a bit of a jammy git Lord love him smile

roseability Sat 07-Nov-09 14:33:48

Chegirl sad your post made me cry

I worry about DS because he looks like me and seems to take after me more than his Daddy. I had a sad childhood and a dysfunctional family. I shouldn't label him, he is himself and an individual but I can't help it. He seems vulnerable, sensitive and a bit deep (like me!).

I had PND when DS was born and wasn't myself, he was also a difficult birth. I worry that he wasn't a particularly affectionate little boy (although he is more so now) and I feel I have to work harder at our relationship (maybe because we are alike).

DD has been 'easier' and takes more after her daddy who is a pretty sorted guy. His side of the family are less complicated. She was an easier birth and seems to have bonded to me lovingly and willingly

For all that I love the fact that my DS challenges me in a way that maybe my DD won't.

mummyflood Sat 07-Nov-09 15:45:15

Definitely DS2.

DS1, 16, is quite mature, has a definite path & ambitions in life and seems to know how he is going to go about achieving it if all goes to plan, has lots of great friends & generally seems to be ok in his 'niche', whilst DS2, 14, is quite immature, naive, doesn't quite 'fit in' at school & socially, and we haven't a clue where he is headed, I can see him wanting his home security etc. for quite a while after DS1. (which is fine by us) I also think that if DS1 achieves him ambitions and joins the forces at 18, DS2 will find he has a large 'hole' in his life, so I'm hoping that things will change quite a bit over the next couple of years. I often find myself worrying & over-thinking how DS2 will develop over the next few years, and sometimes wishing I had that proverbial crystal ball.

wigglybeezer Sat 07-Nov-09 15:57:30

Doesn't everyone?

biggirlsdontcry Sat 07-Nov-09 16:08:48

yes ds 10 , very naive & easily led , he would swallow a brick bless him , blush

chegirl sad

cocolepew Sat 07-Nov-09 16:12:15

DD1 she has recently has suicidal thoughts at age 11. She suffers from acute anxiety and has lost control of it. We're going next week to see what therapy will suit her best. The last 2 days have just broken me, I'm devestated. I'll worry about her all my life.

purepurple Sat 07-Nov-09 16:23:40

cocolepew, your post makes me very sad.
I hope your DD gets the help she needs.
As my children get older, the more I worry.
DS is 20 and I worry more about him because he is unemployed and doesn't seem to have any direction to his life.
I don't really worry about DD (13), at the moment.

deaddei Sat 07-Nov-09 18:16:24

cocolepew- so sorry. My dd (13) has ocd,very anxious- and we have struggled teribly with it- she too used to cry and tell me she wished she was dead.
Therapy HAS helped- she willalways be "different" but copes mmuch better.
At the risk (godforbid) of sounding like a Netmums nutter, big hugs.

Hullygully Sat 07-Nov-09 18:21:34

Yes, but it varies.

chegirl Sat 07-Nov-09 18:24:08

I am sorry if I made anyone feel upset. I wasnt my attention. I am so used to talking about DD.

coco I dont know if this is of any comfort but I was a very troubled and sad child. I did manage to get through it in time. I have my issues now (dont we all) but am actually a very resilent adult.

I hope you DD finds her way too.

RedLentil Sat 07-Nov-09 18:32:44

Che, I think you write so eloquently about your dd and your love for her that it always strikes a chord with us. I love the description of your jammy git.

Coco-so sorry to hear that you are all going through this. With help now, and you on her side, your daughter can find ways of managing her anxiety better.

A good few of the other worry-causers sound like the very best kids I taught at university, who rubbed up the wrong way as teenagers, and found their feet and a real sense of purpose in their twenties.

Roseability, I really recognise your feeling of enjoying the challenge of a tricky ds. I'm quite unlike my ds, and he has been a worrier and profoundly stubborn since he was tiny, but there is an intensity to our relationship as we work all that out that isn't there in the easier relationships with my dds.

cocolepew Sat 07-Nov-09 20:02:16

Thank you for all your words of support.

BlueKangerooWonders Sat 07-Nov-09 20:07:22

I find it varies. One week I'll worry like mad about one of the dc; another week it'll be another. But I know deep down they'll all be OK in the end.

thisisyesterday Sat 07-Nov-09 20:12:29

yes, i worry about ds1 a lot. although, the others are only 2 and 5 months so that might change!
but he is very sensitive, eager to please (and thus easy to devastate), highly strung and very spirited.
he gets upset so easily, he gives a lot but rarely gets it reciprocated.

i can see him ending up as some kind of tortured genius, so yes, i worry about him the most.
ds2 is just a big, loud, sociable, lovely thing who everyone likes
ds3 is a baby, so we'll see how he turns out!

mollybob Sat 07-Nov-09 20:15:29

I wish I had your faith bluekangaroo

There have been times when I have worried more about DS than DD - he was very anxious, had suicidal thoughts when he was about 9 - mainly due to his father's serious mental illness and unhappiness with school. That has passed and he is now very happy, loving his secondary school, making friends and growing in maturity and confidence daily

DD is more vulnerable and sensitive by nature - a real worrier but she was too young to really understand when her father was ill and although it hurt her it didn't have quite the same impact

I live from day to day and worry about one or both depending on what is happening. Somehow living through the nightmare we had in 2006/7 has stopped me looking too far ahead for future fears. We're ok now - well apart from my horrendous morning sickness.

No doubt future DS/DD will cause me a fair few worries in time!

4andnotout Sat 07-Nov-09 20:23:38

I worry about dd1 as she is very tall for her age, wears glasses and her front teeth are beginning to stick out and some of the little scrotes others call her goofy She is very clever and pretty but I worry she will not see that

dd2 isn't as academic and I worry that she won't do well, she is a lot more
of a worry in that she is constantly on the go and usually up to no good!

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