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8 year old really not getting on with school

(12 Posts)
Panscrub Sat 07-Nov-09 08:22:14

My son displays son "challenging behaviour" and has done since the age of 2. It has gradually got worse and he just doesn't care about getting into trouble or anything else.

The school have been on at me for years, ever since he started. He is behind academically, disruptive and generally just a pain. He is often sat in isolation in the coridor because the lessons just cannot go on with him in there sad

Last week I was called into the school because he'd disrupted the litracy group all week and eventually just whacked someone across the face for no reason.

He is on the waiting list to see the educational pyscologist but has been assessed before and they say there is nothing wrong with him.

When he gets sent to the head mistress, whilst the other kids shake and cry at the thought of it, he stands there and laughs in her face.

I'm terrified about what will become of him. sad

Should I move him to another school and give him a fresh start or keep him here etc? I don't know what to do.

bubblagirl Sat 07-Nov-09 08:38:28

i would go to your gp with reports of his behaviour and ask to be forwarded onto paediatrician who from there can refer you to relevant help and assessments there is obviously something underlying that needs to be seen to

what is his behaviour like at home does he have to have things done certain way is he overly sensitive to noise or touch etc anything that worries you also mention all this to gp

moving schools would just flag up again as the problem isnt being seen to or dealt with they at school should also be able to put him on action plus with no formal dx or statement of sn this would allow them to have someone 1-1 him for a while at school to deal with problem

are there any set triggers that can be avoided or worked around?

FlamingoBingo Sat 07-Nov-09 08:41:26

Have you researched home education? Maybe the school environment really isn't right for him and he's expressing that with his rage and anger.

Panscrub Sat 07-Nov-09 08:51:03

He is on school action + but I've not seen anything of that tbh. The school explained what it was but I don't understand in what way he is involved. He doesn't get extra help or anything.

I have been to the GP before who put us through to a child pyscologist who then said as there was nothing wrong with him, he'd put us through to the university social work department and we can help their students with their studies basically! I opted out of course but I still feel there is something wrong.

He's naughty at home, goes nuts for silly reasons (like batteries running out) and he's obsessed with shoes being a certain tightness etc.

Merle Sat 07-Nov-09 08:52:24

I would echo what Bubblagirl has said re. his behaviour out of school; do you think that it is a problem?

As well as having him assessed the school should be able to access behaviour support from the LA, which would advise them what to DO about his behaviour. It is all very well the school telling you about his behaviour in school, there's not a lot you can do to control that, as you're not there, which makes things very difficult.

Merle Sat 07-Nov-09 08:54:33

Cross-posted Panscrub. You need some help. Did the assessment give you any information about him? Did it say that he had any character traits? They must have given something to go on?

LynetteScavo Sat 07-Nov-09 09:06:42

Panscrub...Kids don'tbehave like your son for no reason....ther must be an underlying problem. Just because the first ed pysc didn't pick it up, doesn't mean your DS isn't struggling with something....he obviously is.

School action + , as far as I can make out, is when the school is getting in outside help for a child. Hopefully it won't be too long before he sees the ed psych.

Sorry I haven't been much use...just wanted to offer some support.

Don't worry what might become of him....with a mum who cares as much as you, I reckon he''l trun out fine. He's still very young!

bubblagirl Sat 07-Nov-09 09:19:44

also what is his sleeping pattern like does he settle well does he sleep all night etc

i think you need to just keep on until someone will listen in all honesty hows his writing etc? any worries academically if so what

has all relevant been dealt with ears checked eyes tested?

piscesmoon Sat 07-Nov-09 09:25:08

What is he like at home? Is he challenging with you? Could you for instance take him out to a restaurant for a meal without disturbing other diners? Could you take him on a 4 hr train journey and expect him to sit still and read, draw or play games? Does he have friends around and is he welcome at other DCs houses?
If he is fine for all those then I would change schools and get him a fresh start or HE.
However if you can't do the above then it isn't the school and so changing it wouldn't make a difference and I wouldn't HE.

Advice would depend on your answers to the above but, on what you have already said,I would make an appointment to see the Head and chase up the assessment. Tell him/her that you want to work as a partnership and have a home/school book where you both write down behaviours. If he has good reports give him treats. If he has bad ones take away things that he likes doing e.g. lock away computer games for 24hrs.
If it was my DC I would suggest that I went with him and sat beside him in class and made sure that he behaved!

Rochel4 Sat 07-Nov-09 21:39:37

sounds alot like my ds (7). when he gets told off at school he just smiles at the teacher, drives them nuts! hes very particular about his food, belongings, and seems like a touch of ocd. went to speak to someone about it and seems like it may be a way of controlling his anxiety. We moved alot when he was little, must've been unsettling. Also, my husband gets angry with him quite alot tho he is rarely home as he works long hours, which also affected him. punishing him (ie taking away toys etc) wont work, you need only positive reinforcement. Ignore the negative parts, be consistant with rules and give natural consequences for misbehaviour.
Definitely take him to be seen again by someone.

Merle Mon 09-Nov-09 17:17:49

How's it going? Have you been able to speak to the school?

lolapoppins Mon 09-Nov-09 19:27:44

This was my son when he was at school. Exactly how you have described yours. I had a nightmare right from day one of nursery. However, at home he was totally different, school turned him into a monster.

I know HE isn't for everyone, not everyone can/wants to but I just wanted to echo Flamingobingg. HE changed our lives. My son is now thriving and displays none of the accademic or behavioral problems he did at school, quite the opposite infact.

The school used to blame me for his terrible behaviour, especially when I would tell them that he was fine at home/out/in other social situations, they would say I was lying. It was very hard to use their behaviour stratergies at home when the behavoiur only occured at school.

It took me a long while to realise that the school enviroment does not suit every child. The problem didn't lay with him, it was with school (and not just one, he went through 4 of them) but a lot of schools will not accept that.

I just wanted to let you know that I have been where you are now and I know what a horrendous situation it is.

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