Help: My new baby will only sleep on me and not in the basket and I feel very guilty!!!

[Littlemai]

Hello this is my first baby and he is only 10 days old. He is sleeping really well at night (he stirs but doesn't cry, 3 times- feeds- falls asleep while feeding and then stays asleep for about 3/4 hours- this is good isn't it?) But he is sleeping on me and I have had all sorts of different advice. At the mo he is laying on my chest and the first midwife i saw said that it was ok to him to sleep face down on me as long as I kept myself propped up, the next midwife said bed sharing was fine and on me was ok but I should try to get him on his back. Although I'm theoretically not worried about getting him into a routine or anti bed sharing I am really sensitive to in-laws and other adult comments and its making me a bit tearful! I also feel slightly worried every night that I'm going to do something terrible.
I have been trying to get him to sleep in his moses basket in the day but the longest we have managed is half an hour.
In hospital they put him next to me with me laying on my side but I feel even more nervous in this position than i do with him on my chest.
Has anyone had a similar experience and have any words of wisdom I would be very grateful
xx

[Aranea]

My dd1 was like that. I used to sleep propped up in bed with her on my chest, and then I perfected a sort of bounce to jiggle her to sleep. I'm sure it was very good exercise. Don't worry, this stage won't last very long. He will start to be able to sleep on his own very soon. (I have a friend who found that after a session of cranial osteopathy her baby was miraculously able to sleep by herself rather than on top of her, maybe worth considering?)

I so vividly remember how vulnerable and defensive I felt when dd1 was born. It is horrible feeling everyone's comments so acutely. All I can say is, try your hardest to shrug them off and allow yourself to enjoy these early days, the feel and smell of your baby snuggled into you without a sense of 'doing it wrong'.

I'd forget the moses basket altogether - I hardly know anyone whose baby would nap in a moses basket. Go with a bouncy chair or a sling or a pushchair or whatever works. Bouncy chair next to the hoover or washing machine can be a good one... and that sort of thing is a useful transition from sleeping on your chest.

Good luck and congratulations on your new baby.

[Aranea]

PS a good position which most breastfeeding mothers find they tend to naturally adopt, is lying on your side curved around your baby. I would suggest personally that the baby should be on your side of the bed (as long as it's up against the wall or a bedside cot or something so he can't fall out) rather than between you & your partner, as a breastfeeding mother will usually respond to the baby whereas a father may sleep too deeply and be unaware of the baby's presence in the same way. Your sleep patterns will be mimicking those of the baby while your partner will still be in normal adult sleep patterns.

[stainesmassif]

the worst thing is worrying about everybody else and doing 'the wrong thing'. as your baby's mum you are the expert on your baby and can do no wrong. keep telling yourself this and enjoy the early days as much as you possibly can. the only regrets i have now are the guilt i felt after falling asleep with ds on me - what a waste of energy!!

congratulations on the new arrival!

[Littlemai]

Thank you so much for your replies- I know I shouldn't worry about what other people say.
I have created myself a kind of nest that keeps me upright and my elbows supported to keep me and ds in place.
I found an old thread about cranial osteopathy, I might look into that- is it to do with the babies head being squished on the way out? DS was quite a big baby (9lb 15) so maybe it would be a good idea.
This was my first post and it's so lovely to know you guys are out there. Thank you again.

[MumGoneCrazy]

I have the same thing going on here as well.

My DD is 7 weeks old and perfers sleeping in her bouncer chair or cuddled into myself or her daddy.

Every night after her 11pm feed i put her down in her basket while half asleep and she'll sleep until 3-4ish but then wont settle back in her basket after her feed, so after a lot of trying i end up putting her in my bed on my side, i lie on my side with her in my arms cuddled into me and she then sleeps until i get up just before 8am.

My Dp dont like it because he's a deep sleeper (he dont even stir when she's screaming at 3am unless he's just pretending so he dont have to get up ) so he worries that he might roll on her which is why i keep her on the outside of the bed.

My Ds was the same until he was about 6 months and i put him in a cot and he slept straight away, maybe it was the extra room or maybe it was because he was eating and drinking more so was more content at night, i dont know but i enjoyed having more bed room although i did miss him a little
He is now 9 and bed-sharing had no bad effects on him so i know DD will be ok and she'll get there one day.

I wouldnt worry about other peoples comments, he's your child, its your situation to deal with when you feel ready to not when they feel like it.

Congratulations on the new baby, good luck and just enjoy the cuddles while your still getting them

My Ds is too old for cuddles now apparently

[Jacksmama]

Sleeping with a baby is lovely. Don't worry about "doing something terrible" while sleeping - I really believe that part of your consciousness is always with baby and you'll be too aware to roll over on him or anything like that. Sod what "they" say - do what YOU think is right. And by the way, OF COURSE baby wants to sleep on you - he's been with you for 9 months and heard your heart beat and felt your warmth - he has no idea that he is a separate person from you. You're the centre of his universe, and of course he'll be unhappy away from you and secure with you. Nothing to feel guilty over!! You're doing the best thing for him, keeping him near you and making him feel safe, warm, loved and secure.

[stainesmassif]

ps, i second aranea's advice, this is how i ended up sleeping with ds for the last 11 months, much more comfortable. don't worry about smothering your baby, you don't sleep the same with a baby in bed with you, you operate on a different level of consciousness. i would recommend that you research co sleeping, that will put your mind at rest, and there's lots on it on mn.

and yes, that's pretty much the idea with cranial osteopathy. it cost about £30 a session for mine and i saw immediate improvement, with complete end to colic after 2 sessions (though this may have been due to ds's age)

[Aranea]

One other thought - have you tried swaddling? I tried it in a bit of a half-arsed way with dd1 and it didn't work, but for dd2 we had a Mothercare swaddling blanket which made it really easy, and it was pretty miraculous. She slept unbelievably well swaddled. She doesn't any more, she's 1 now and hopeless, but when she was tiny she slept like a dream, no poor joke intended.

[Littlemai]

I think I have also attempted swaddling in a similar half-arsed way- done it a couple of times first time he wasn't keen at all but second time was his one and only half hour sleep on his own.
Stainesmassif- how old was your ds when you took her to cranial osteopathy?

[stainesmassif]

i think he was about 3 months - i really wish i'd done it sooner as had been spending £10 a week on colief, plus it's a complete pia to administer. incidentally, have been to two cranial osteos, they are both godesses. just lovely people.

[swottybetty]

hiya - it is so tough isnt it? that twighlight kind of sleep. argh.

i am a mum of two. one easy one v tough. here's all i have:

** my ambynest worked wonders with the difficult one. he is still in it now at 5mo. i first put him in it at two weeks old. before that he hadnt slept for more than a a couple of hours a strecth and always with me in bed or in a sling.

**swaddling worked v well for easy baby. also i put her in a phil and ted cocoon which is a pram attachment (for a pram we didnt have - don't ask!) and she slept in that but never slept in moses basket or cot

** it will pass. ignore everyone. your instinct will be right.

congrats on birth of your little baby

[rabbit54]

my dc slept on my chest for weeks. i use to lay on my back with pillows either side of my ribs. my dc would lay on my chest with baby blankets wrapped around my torso so that if i turned left or right he would hardly move. it would take time for him to start to slide, so i felt he was very secure.