I am at the end of my tether with 3YO DS...

[mamadiva]

I really don't know what to do, I feel as though I am actually starting to seriously dislike him.

Everything he does seems to annoy me and the last few days he has been a bloody animal!

Up at 4.30am, we have been woken with a toddler jumping on us for the last year and a half then from then on he just seems to see how much he can do before I end up shouting!

Won't do anything he's told refuses point blank to sit on the potty/toilet (never once sat on either), on Wed morning we woke at 5.30am and thought he'd lay in when we checked his room he was'nt there he had came downstairs into the kitchen climbed up the washing machine and took a permanent bloody marker from the cupboard and drew all over my kitchen cabinets the floor and his face, yesterday morning same thing came downstairs and he had managed to drag the hoover out of the way and go into the cupboard under the stairs and ripped open 3 of his cchristmas presents as well astearing the boxes to shreds trying to play with them!

He goes to nursery 2.5hours a day but that time flies in far too quickly and even when he's there they have said he is a handful and one mum actually asked how I could put up with him all day when she thinks he's hard work in the 5 minutes he lines up outside! Again out of the 9 children in his nursery class he is the one always running wild instead of lining up, he is the one who has to splash in every puddle he sees and the most annoying of all he insists on running through the nursery garden EVERY DAY ATLEAST 5 TIMES even though he has been shouted at by almost everyone there (staff) for it because they are trying to grow flowers and vegetables on it and he keeps trampling everything. Sometimes I'm ashamed to say he's my child

I just feel like I can't deal with him anymore, I have been job hunting in the hope that I might be happier infact I know I would be happier but I can't find anything suitable so I'm stuck here with him all the time.

Discipline does not work no matter what we do talking calmly, shouting, naughty step, putting him in his room and even I'm ashamed to say smacking which I hate doing but when he just keeps going for hours I have lost myu temper although never anything other than a lightr slap on the side of the leg he just laughs or screams at you no matter what I do.

Please tell me that this is a phase that all children go through and he will grow out of it because right now there is no light at the end of all this.

Sorry for wittering I just really need some advice and support right now...

[mamadiva]

Oh god sorry did'nt realise it was quite so long

[womblemonster]

d'you think he could be confused about the different methods of discipline? It's sometimes impossible to be totally consistent but perhaps choose just one method (I chose putting in room and say "i'll speak to you when you're calm") and see if that works?

It is just a phase (mine is now 4 and reasonably good at listening) but if you and he are both clear on the consequences of bad behaviour then it will hopefully be a short one!!

[BoysAreLikeDogs]

okay

there's a lot here to unpick

firstly if he's not interested in potty/toilet training let it go and try again in the new year. My boys were well over 3 when we did them. This will take pressure off that area, yes?

wrt to the markerpen/hoover scenario - lock things away, put them in a high cupboard, in the shed/garage, anywhere where he cannot get access. you might want to get on your knees and have a look from his height !!

at nursery the staff should not be shouting at him, they should be have strategies in place to manage behaviour, and share them with you to work together.

discipline - you've tried loads of things, obv smacking doesn't work, you've found that out so we'll skim past that. BUT by darting from one technique to another you could be confusing him, sending out mixed signals? So pick one thing, time out or bottom step or whatever and stick to it.

try to catch him being 'good' and praise praise praise; this age is all about attention and being a smart wee chap he has worked out how to get it. Turn it around , no big drama or shouting, just remove him, then ignore, make a cup of tea then move on.

[mamadiva]

Thanks womble I see what your saying but sometimes it just so difficult I try to be calm and firm as much as possible but sometimes I just lose it and end up shouting at the top of my lungs which obviously only aggrivates he and I more.

[mamadiva]

Boys- the markerpen was in a tuperware box on the middle shelf of a wall mounted kitchen cupboard, as far as I was concerned that was a safe place

Might have to do the whole cupboard lock thing again or just put the gate back across the door which would be easier, will do that actually but DP and his bright ideas thought that with DS being 3 and a half he knows not to go in there well that worked

He will be 3 and a half next month so that's kind of why potty training is an issue, then again the IL's and DP don't help with that either, apparently he must be thick and he is far too old for nappies bla bla bla.

[BoysAreLikeDogs]

yy cupboard locks back on

my oldest was 3.8 I think, we'd had 2 previous attempts which were disastrous then on the 3rd go (spaced a few months after) he got it. Honestly who cares, ILs can eff orf [helpful]

Or you could bypass potty and go straight to toilet with a trainer seat, like a Big Boy blah blah. But truly I wouldn't want to add PT into the fraught pre-Christmas mix

So

Stop with the shouting
Pick a technique and stick to it

Do you have time as yourself, not Mummy or Wife, but as YOU?

[mamadiva]

I go out to my mums or with friend's 3 nights a week and I guess I have the 2 and a half hours he's at nursery. In that respect I am lucky I suppose but soemtimes I just wish I could have someone take him for a weekend or something.

He went away for the first time about 3 weeks ago, he was away for 4 days and that is the first time I've been away from him because my mum is a single parent and she has 4YO twins as well as my brother so she can't look after him obviously and everyone else lives about 5 hours away so getting a baby sitter si not exactly easy.

I think part of it si the sleep issue and part of it down to the fact that my DP and I never get to do anything without DS which also puts a strain on us IYKWIM which in turn makes me more stressed.

I feel like I'm making this all me me me but it's just good to speak about it.