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Just had dc2 and upset by dc1 seeming angry and at sea... help?

(8 Posts)
alittleteapot Wed 04-Nov-09 21:25:44

I have a four week old ds and a two year old dd. The toddler was brilliant for the first few weeks and really seemed delighted by her brother. The last week however it seems the honeymoon period is over. She seems really at sea, down even in bursts, then her normal self again but not quite her usual jolly, confident self. I'm finding it really upsetting, particularly her anger towards me which manifests itself in bursts of gritted teeth and hitting me. She still wants to hold the baby and help but the negative response seems to be growing - good days and bad days i guess.... I've trawled on here and there are lots of reassuring threads but I'm feeling quite upset about it and needed a thread of my own! How can I make this better for her? How can I make the transition easier for all of us?

Mooncupflowethover Wed 04-Nov-09 21:40:42

I had very similar problems. My DS1 was 2.1 when I brought newborn DS2 home. After the initial first few days, which went reasonably well, DS1 seemed to realize that DS2 wasn't going anywhere. That's when the shit hit the fan!!

My HV likened it to my DH turning up with a mistress one day and announcing that she was going to stay with us forever and won't it be great!

The transition can't really be made any easier in my experience. DS1 displayed all the behaviour you've described here, and it's painful for all concerned. The only real hope I can give you is that it will lessen, your DD will learn to accept your DS over the next couple of weeks/months. Give her loads of cuddles and fuss of course. My DS1 is back to his usual annoying cheerful self and all is relatively well between them (apart from the odd sneaky pinch or two when he thinks I'm not looking!). Btw DS2 is now 6m old.

alittleteapot Wed 04-Nov-09 22:01:45

Thank you - how long did it take your ds to get back to normal?

Anyone else?

brightredballoon Wed 04-Nov-09 22:15:21

Hi, my DD was 22months when DS arrived and she also went from liking the idea to hating it. It was so awful seeing her so upset and withdrawn from me. things I found to help the situation and to get DD back on track were:
1) involved DD with newborn asap and she had a newborn doll of her own that she looked after when I saw to DS
2) set her up with a special box of toys that were only played with when I was feeding DS
3) once DS was fed and had clean nappy he went on play mat/bouncy seat and I sat down and did activity with DD. She loved things from drawing/chalking/washing up with bubbles/reading/singing and dancing
4) I put DD into two toddler groups a week where the parents don't stay, she really enjoyed these and although I wasn't there I think she enjoyed the break from having to share me.

Dont get down, this is a big adjustment for your DD but she will soon be out of the anger and shock stage.

Mooncupflowethover Wed 04-Nov-09 22:21:22

It took him about 2 months..

alittleteapot Thu 05-Nov-09 08:25:22

thanks v much. how about you brightredballoon? how long did your dd take?It is just so hard...

alittleteapot Thu 05-Nov-09 09:04:11

another question: did you deliberately mis interpret aggression or did yoyu try to talk abt it - are you feeling cross etc.

brightredballoon Thu 05-Nov-09 15:42:17

My wee one took about 4 months to fully accept DS and to let me put her to bed again etc.

No I didn't talk about the aggression I tried to distract her and divert her with doing other activities when she started to play up.

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