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is it me or them???

(4 Posts)
bolebo Tue 03-Nov-09 13:39:30

i have had a pretty rough time with my dd who is 4 - must be halfterm sydrome. she has from the start been quite a difficult child - cried lots as newborn, never wanted to stay with anyone else, she still comes at night into our bed...she is the sweetest little sprite but very demanding. a big problem is that shouting and being 'hysteric' is her first response to anything that does not meet her approval. comforting her takes the patience of a saint and a lot of time/effort. her brother on the other hand has from the word 'go' been nothing but happy and gurgly. he will be 2 in january and has retained his easy going nature. he is the typical adorable toddler. this in conjunction with my difficult dd makes me sometimes feel as if a love him more. the guilt that arises from this nearly kills me. i do realise that i don't love ds more...he is just easier to love but when my dd has her difficult days i kind of seek refuge in my ds sweetness and thus feel like a mother/monster.
this in itself need not be a problem but i get the feeling that my mother in law thinks i really favour my ds. this makes me feel like i am constantly under her scrutony and sometimes i want to shout "you spend some time with her (DD)and you'll see how it is". this makes me feel like a really spiteful person and the frustration that arises from it actually adds to the complex relationship with my daughter.
my mother in law is a lovely lady and has many good sides but i feel often p*** off when she lectures me because it seems that all she does when my dd is at hers is park her in fron of the tv and treat her like some hilton-royalty (never opposes her etc.)while i get lookedat as a meany because i tell dd to tidy up her stuff!
aibu when i feel cross with my mother in law? we are very close for my family lives abroad but she hardly ever babysits (she does look ater ds for 2 hours once a week)an i feel i cannot really complain because she always stresses how she never had any help when her kids were small...makes me feel more unreasonable than ever.
dh not great help...he's an artist so his work schedule is all over the place...basically when the muse calls he's out of the door and i'm stuck with the wee offspring.
so, to cut it short and eep the moaning down - am i a freak mother when feeling like shouting at the whole bloody family and phantasising about running off for a week?

TheArmadillo Tue 03-Nov-09 13:49:28

firstly you're not a freak.

secondly ignore your MIL - she's really not helping.

Thirdly do you get any time off? Go out without kids?

bolebo Tue 03-Nov-09 13:58:53

oh yeah i do a lot with the kids...have not very much time for myself though but am prepared to bear is only a couple more years until ds is in school...but i think the bottom line is that i feel that this is not appreciated very much...i feel that i am sacrifising my life for the kids who are not only mine...i know all mums do but having people around who don't really help but feel invited to comment makes me brake out in a rage angry

BiscuitStuffer Tue 03-Nov-09 14:04:52

Is your MIL someone who would respond to either of the following:

1.You having a general 'moan' about how crap you're feeling about things and that you feel like you're not being the mother you wanted to be and you're trying your hardest etc - would she rise to the occasion and shower you with compliments (and hence think twice before any critical comments).

2. More direct approach responding to the comment she has made at the time rather than stewing. 'That comment makes me feel x,y,z' - I'm surre you don't mean it that way but....

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