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DH back to work tomorrow and it's just me and DS. Scared!

(50 Posts)
Igglybuff Sun 01-Nov-09 16:48:13

Hi, I'm a first time mum with a beautiful DS who is one month old. Tomorrow my DH goes back to work after four weeks off. We've both been sharing the parenting (although as I'm BF, it feels like I do more).

I'm worried about being a SAHM - little things like getting ready in the morning seem a challenge! I also worry about when DS gets grizzly - normally I can give him to DH to calm down but not any more. Also I don't drive so can't get out far in the day, especially in this rubbish weather sad

I know two new mums in the area but not that well - I've suggested a meet up but not sure how keen they are to do it regularly as they already have their own groups from NCT classes (my class was not local so the meet ups are too far for me to get to)

Can anyone give me any tips on coping and how they managed it? Thanks

MrsBadger Sun 01-Nov-09 16:56:54

first, chin up smile

second, get a raincover for the pram and some decent waterproofs for yourself (I favour a mac and a hat but some prefer hoods). Never ever let yourself get stuck indoors just because it's raining. Even if you onyl get as far as Starbucks or the library it is better than being eye-to-eye in the house with a grumpy baby all day.

third, grit your teeth and text those local mums. Start off with a coffee with one or both of them (If you dare invite them to your house this will make it much easier for you, and they are likely to come out of nosiness if nothing else) and after that you'll probably find they are more than happy to let you crash some of their NCT group things.

fourth, sign up for a class. Baby massage, baby swimming, yoga, music, rhyme time, any old thing you can afford and won't hoot with laughter at. The class isn;t really the point, it's to get in with another group of mums to have coffee etc with afterwards.

You can also investigate the local Children's Centre, Baby Cafe (if bfing) and any baby/toddler groups associated with anywhere you already have links with eg church.

You will be fine smile

missmapp Sun 01-Nov-09 16:59:43

Hi , congratulations on your ds. Dont worry about your dh going back to work, I remember feeling exactly the same , but you will be fine. Dont worry about getting ready, it takes as long as it takes and noone will expect anything different.

Try to meet up with your new friends if you can, I know its hard at the beginning but it really helped me to have somewhere to go during the day and friends to moan with , I still meet up with the friends I made when ds1 was tiny and he is 4 now.

Is there a mother and toddler group you can walk to? If you feel up for it it can help meet more local people.

On a practical note, I found it useful to make a packed lunch for myself in the evening ( when I made dh's lunch) that way I always had something to eat at lunchtime even if ds was screaming, this is esp gd if you are b.feeding as you need to eat!!

Enjoy your baby and dont set unreal expectations for yourself

blinder Sun 01-Nov-09 17:02:46

dont do any housework at all!

pop out with the baby once a day, even if only to the local shop. invest in a raincover. take the bus for further trips or splurge on a taxi every now and then

join a group (breastfeeding? or baby swimming?)

enjoy watching whatever you like on the telly

eat chocolates

get help from others (your mum? or sister? or friend?) so that you can have the odd bath in peace

basically do whatever you can to stay happy - entertain yourself, eat whatever you like and treat it like a holiday. Your happiness is the best gift you can give to your baby.

(my LO is 7 weeks old btw - isn't it fabulous? grin)

Igglybuff Sun 01-Nov-09 17:07:10

MrsBadger and missmapp thanks. I've got the raincovers and waterproofs (holidaying in the lake district has its uses!). I've also emailed the local sure start coordinator so hopefully I'll hear something and can get along to that.

Luckily I am only 10/15min walk from the town centre and there are loads of cafes etc that I can go to even if I have to sit alone at first. I'm BF and not done it in public before so wondering how on earth I'll cope - I'm worrying about silly things like what tops to wear?!

I've organised a meet up with the local mums for this thursday so will drop hints re NCT meet ups then!

I think I'm a bit scared cos I've only gone out once alone with DS and that's to meet by DH on the way back from the supermarket. (I lost a lot of blood post birth so it's taken ages to get my strength back up again. First trip out I could only get to the end of my road!!)

I've been in denial about this moment for so long and now it's finally here....!

Igglybuff Sun 01-Nov-09 17:09:50

blinder - yes I'm so in love with my DS grin he is gorgeous!! I could stare at him for hours

My mum is not particularly helpful - well she can;t be as has a horrible husband who wont let her out of the house alone - he has confiscated her keys?!?!? (Another story altogether). In laws have said they'll come over once a week which is good. I think hmm

dinster Sun 01-Nov-09 17:11:55

Congratulations on your ds! I felt just the same, igglybuff, and after 6 months still really look forward to dh getting home and to weekends. But I bet you'll soon become adept at handling the little things that seem unmanageable now without two pairs of hands.

Well done on getting in touch with other mums. Are there any local drop-ins or baby groups you could go along to?

Agree that getting out every day really helps, especially if the baby is having a grumpy patch and you're tearing your hair out indoors! Cut housework corners where you can so that you can have a break while your ds is napping - just ten minutes with a cuppa and a biscuit (or 6) can be sanity-saving.

Igglybuff Sun 01-Nov-09 17:18:12

There's a sure start centre dinster but not sure what else. Not sure how to find out either. My HV said she'd invite me to a new mums group but that was two wks ago and heard nothing since...

I was going to set myself a target tomorrow of goingto the local papershop - that's a 20 min journey so feasible? I could get some choc for a tea break when DS is napping.

I'm also a bit sad cos DH will be missing out on a lot of DS's day - he can't go part time just yet! sad

thumbwitch Sun 01-Nov-09 17:19:15

congratulations on your lovely boy.
You will cope fine you know - it will come.

Take things easy, do what you can when you can and have as much rest as you need. Unless housework is a big thing for you, don't worry about it - things won't fall apart if the floor isn't cleaned every day. smile

As far as bf'ing in public goes, I only had to do it a couple of times and found that a big shawl thing over my shoulders worked best combined with a large wraparound cardigan; but I didn't do it very often.

Igglybuff Sun 01-Nov-09 17:25:52

I have a relaxed approach to housework already...grin and we finally overcame our middle class guilt and got a cleaner when I was pregnant and too fat to hoover the stairs.

DH has (unprompted) just brought me tea and flapjacks as DS is feeding. Made me cry a bit - how will I cope without my DH!

I'll bring a shawl with me for public outings methinks. One BF top I have is rubbish - the hole for my bob is too small so DS ends up eating material as well as nip

star6 Sun 01-Nov-09 17:27:06

Igglybuff - for bf in public I found a vest top underneath another top worked best. Then I could pull up the top on top and pull the vest top down from the top iyswim, and unhook my bf bra and he could feed with very little exposure. It also kept me very warm whilst bf
Mothercare sell nursing vests that unhook by the strap and are quite discreet.
Bebe au lait nursing cover is also lovely if you're very self conscious - it covers you and the baby, but wire bit under cloth at the top allows you to still maintain eye contact with baby. The cover is lightweight, like a bedsheet, too. Mothercare sells them (big mothercares or online only). A lot of people think these are silly, but I used one when I was really self conscious.

Enjoy your time at home with your DS and enjoy every stage. My DS is now 13 months and that was the best advice I had. I have indulged in every stage Where in south london are you?

Igglybuff Sun 01-Nov-09 17:32:09

I'm in Beckenham. I call it south London, as it doesn't feel far enough away to call it Kent!!

I've got a couple of mothercare vests for bedtime, hadn't thought of using them under tops.

I'm enjoying it so far but can't shake the feeling that DH should be enjoying it too. And I bet I'll be annoyed if, when he gets home and I recount every poo/smile/coo by DS, he doesn't look interested! But I'm sure that won't happen..?!

arolf Sun 01-Nov-09 17:35:29

hiya igglypuff - i was in a similar position 3 weeks ago (DS is 5 weeks now and mostly lovely!). 1st child, don't know many folk in the area, DP back to work- it was quite daunting! plus the whole BF in public thing (I used to be such a prude that I refused a smear test until I got pg - so the very idea of getting my boobs out in public scared me hugely - now I couldn't give a monkeys who sees my boobs! so long as DS is happy, so am I).

I found that a walk every day, no matter the weather, has helped a lot. if you have a local bfing clinic or drop in, that can be good for sicialising, as can the healt visitor drop in clinic. i just go into my local town every day, or walk along the river - it gets DS to sleep most of the time, and gets me out of the house. but don't be too ambitious! plus do you have a bouncy chair for baby? I put my DS in his whilst i'm in the kitchen so i can cook/clean whilst babbling away to him. he managed 25 minutes withoiut screaming yesterday!
good luck :-)

Igglybuff Sun 01-Nov-09 17:46:49

Arolf, yep invested in a chair a week ago. Dragged it into thebathroom this morning with sleeping DS and had a shower just to practise!!
Everyone is saying I must get out so will do that. Fingers crossed the rain holds off a bit!

Haha I was a bit prudish til I gave birth - when they stitched me up it was done by a male registrar and tel midwives (one male) crowded round to check out his handiwork!!!

arolf Sun 01-Nov-09 18:33:06

yep, giving birth is a great cure for prudishness/dignity, isn't it?! by the end of 3 days of labour, I was inviting anyone who was passing the delivery room to inspect my nether regions

Igglybuff Sun 01-Nov-09 18:39:11

Three days!!! Blimey!

Well despite my bits being on display to male strangers, I'm refusing to let my FIL or other male relatives see me BF... Not sure of my logic!

blinder Sun 01-Nov-09 20:19:51

re breastfeeding, I always pick a place with booth style seats, or sofas if I can, and I religiously wear a nice scarf, which I can drape over my exposed belly if need be (top riding up when lifted above boob IYSWIM).

Dont forget breast pads. Came home with big wet patches over nipples the first day blush.

Also I'm planning on going to a mother and baby cinema screening this week (got a thread going atm in parenting) which might also fend off the insanity for a bit longer. There must be lots of those in South London(ish).

whippet Sun 01-Nov-09 20:45:18

Hi Igglybuff

Good luck - I remember feeling exactly like you - it's daunting, isn't it?

Definitely agree with everyone else - you need to try to get out every day. It will seem ridiculous that it will take 'all day' to go to the shops, have a coffee, and come home, but that's life with a small baby. smile

Have you checked all the 'obvious' places for information about things to do with a baby?

hospital/GP noticeboards
local NCT
local newsagents
The Family Grapevine magazine:

Come back and tell us hopw you get on!

Heated Sun 01-Nov-09 21:03:48

Hate to be recommending another parenting site but got these from NetMums!

E.g Baptist Church, Avenue Road, Beckenham, Kent, BR3 4SA
Fridays 10-11.30am 0-3`s only
Very friendly and lovely helpers , juice/biscuits and fun/.activities/songs all for £1 per family. But full the list is here

Baby yoga/massage here

But cuddling up at home with ds, This Morning on the TVwink, food and MN at your elbow is fine too!

Igglybuff Sun 01-Nov-09 21:19:28

Thanks whippet - wasn't sure of places to look! And Heated I obviously didn't look hard enough - I checked netmums but didn't see that!

Have just finished putting DS down (he won't last long before wanting boob again!)... Will report back tomo evening on my first day! The temptation is to stay at home and mumsnet all day but I must Resist!

BosomForAPillow Sun 01-Nov-09 21:35:19

Hi, I opened your thread because I felt just the same as you when my DH was due back at work. In fact I worried so much that I was sick during the night and he had to take an extra day off! But then I was fine and realised I had just got myself into a state about being on my own for the first time.

Anyway, then I saw you are in Beckenham and that is local to me. All the Bromley libraries do free activities and the Beckenham library does "Bounce and Rhyme" on Mondays 10-10:30. Your DS might be a bit young to enjoy it at the moment but he will soon get into it and you will meet local mums. There are loads of playgroups in Beck/Brom as Heated has linked already. Also if you wanted to meet another group of mums through NCT they do post-natal groups in Bromley in the church beside Boots - I think you pay about £5 a time.

Good luck on your first day tomorrow!

Cerened Sun 01-Nov-09 22:31:25

Yes, do get out and about! All suggestions here are fab. But also don't beat yourself up if you don't. I nearly gave myself a breakdown trying to do stuff. And now i look back and think, why?! Could have been enjoying some time just lazing about with my ds when he was so small. It goes so quickly grin

BosomForAPillow Sun 01-Nov-09 22:35:06

Yes, and if I had discovered Mumsnet when dd was younger I would definitely have spent the first few months weeks mainly on the computer!

JaneyTroll Sun 01-Nov-09 22:46:03

Oh Igglybuff - thanks for starting this thread! My DH goes back to work on Wednesday, and I have been wondering how I'll manage on my own. The advice here is great. My DS is 2 weeks old today and still a gorgeous little bundle of mysteries. I'm trying to work out how I'll get him to sleep after a feed (he's quite windy) and get some kip myself before the whole feeding cycle starts again. Blimey, I'm going to be glad when I hear hubby's key in the door each evening. (He's taken to fatherhood like the proverbial duck.)

Hope all goes well for you this week. smile

Ledodgy Sun 01-Nov-09 23:06:56

Oh I remember tis feeling so well with my first. I look back and laugh at myself wen I left her lying on her baby gym in the next room whilst I had the quickest shower of my life. Of course she was fine when I got back in exactly the same position in the same place funnily enough! grin

I made a point of going out for a walk everyday with the pram. it's nice for both of you to have the fresh air and human contact. People will always smie at a new mum and sometimes chat too.

I also used to try and sleep when she slept, you will never have the chance to do this again with subsequent children so do it while you can! We both tended to have a nice nap just after 'Homes under the Hammer' finished. grin

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