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Why are everyone elses babies so advanced?

(24 Posts)
roslily Sun 01-Nov-09 14:27:21

My ds is 8 weeks old. At 6 weeks he sort of smiled and now will smile, but it takes a lot of work! It isn't much in reposnse to us, but he will do it.

He is very alert and loves to watch what is going on. However I saw a friend when her baby was 9 weeks and he was smiling, giggling in reposnse ot songs and peek-a-boo. This is repeated amongst friends I know.

I feel really bad that I am doing something worng to make my ds so slow in developing.

seaglass Sun 01-Nov-09 14:33:45

We had to work very hard to get DS1 to smile, up to being about 4 months old - I don't think it's anything to do others being more advanced, it's just his personality coming out

Jajas Sun 01-Nov-09 14:35:29

Don't fall for it! You have a life time of worry and competition ahead of you grin!

roslily Sun 01-Nov-09 14:37:40

I figured that he was just a grumpy baby!

Reallytired Sun 01-Nov-09 14:42:03

My son was slower than average developmentally. I didn't smile until 9 weeks. He also was slow to walk and had a child physio between the ages of two years old and 3 and half years old. His speech was also delayed due to glue ear.

However at the age of seven you would never know he was a later developer. In fact he did really well in his SATs last summer.

My daughter's development has been a lot quicker and I have no idea what I have done differently.

Unless the child is subjected to child abuse (Ie. like those poor children in Romanian orphanages several years ago.) I don't think that your child's enviromnent (ie. parenting) makes that much of a difference.

Children develop in their own time and the age that babies reach their developmental milestones has little to do with later intelligence provided they have a good loving family.

octopusinabox Sun 01-Nov-09 18:07:03

Blimey, your baby is only 8 weeks old - give him a chance. It really isn't worth comparing them at all as they do seem to develop at very different rates and all get there in the end. Both mine could have been considered 'slow' at their milestones but you wouldn't know it now - my 3 year old is often mistaken for an older child as her vocabulary and speech is so good but she took ages to talk at all in the beginning (Oh, how I now wish for a quiet moment grin)

TheMysticMasseuse Sun 01-Nov-09 18:22:48

Oh dear it's a case of NCT-itis I almost drove myself insane comparing my PFB to everyone else's baby in my NCT class, on everything- sleep, smiling, babbling, pointing, rolling over, eating etc etc. It took me about 6-7 months to finally chill out. I really, really hope you'll be smarter than me and realise soon that it's all pointless, your baby will do everything in his/her time...

TeaSleepFood Sun 01-Nov-09 18:32:34

I now just smile and think ' at least I'm not a pushy parent' when other NCT babes are behaving like junior einstein's and mine is just grubbing in the dirt with a spade. there's always a call for builders wink

pregnantpeppa Sun 01-Nov-09 18:37:43

No please don't feel bad! They all develop at different rates. And it gets far worse than a few weeks in smiling - out of my NCT group, one baby walked a full 14 months ahead of another (9m v 20m!) - but they have all caught up now and that 20m walker is the most talkative out of the lot!

roslily Sun 01-Nov-09 20:11:21

It isn't that I want a baby einstein. Partly it is selfish as I want some payback! He screams a lot (we are investigating reflux) so he is very hard work and I feel awful most of time. It was so lovely to see my friend interacting with her son, while mine just screamed the place down!

TheMysticMasseuse Sun 01-Nov-09 20:19:06

roslily it can be so hard when everyone else seems to have an "easy" baby... dd1 was also really hard work, v colicky, no sleep whatsover for 6 months (and then very little for the next 12), and i had all these people telling me how their babies napped for hours and slept through the night etc not to mention apparently sang twinkle twinkle at 3 months.

you are going through a very hard time- be easy on yourself, you do not need the added pressure of comparing yourself against other people.

DrCosyTiger Sun 01-Nov-09 20:30:32

Hi Roslily, you're having such a hard time but try and hang on in there. Your DS will get more rewarding and interactive. My DD was soooo difficult for the first 3 months or so. She cried and cried, rarely smiled and would never ever sit quietly in a bouncy chair like other people's babies. But it did improve. She's now 7.5 months and laughs and giggles and is just the cutest little girl. I would never have thought this was possible when she was the same age as your DS. You just have to try and get through this really hard time as best you can and accept that you have a difficult baby - it's not your fault. It will get easier. And your DS will remember nothing of it.

GhoulsAreLoud Mon 02-Nov-09 18:01:22

Pregnantpeppa 9 months is not 14 months younger than 20 months, it's 11 months, isn't it?!

OP, your DS sounds perfect. In my (limited!) experience babys who spend less time on social skills tend to develop more quickly with gross motor skills, so he could be an early walker.

But I could be imagining that!

frogs Mon 02-Nov-09 18:04:04

Cos they're all lying.

Doh.

grin

BertieBotts Mon 02-Nov-09 18:09:42

I think also you tend to see the "best" side of others' babies - you don't tend to see them in full meltdown/terror mode, so yours can seem really hard work in comparison.

They tend to do things in random orders anyway I find - my DS smiled at about 2 weeks but didn't laugh at all until 6 months. He crawled and cruised in the same week but didn't sit up until over a month later. He just took his first steps a few days ago but didn't seem to notice that he had done it so we are now waiting very impatiently for him to realise he can walk!

Miggsie Mon 02-Nov-09 18:25:20

Don't worry, at two weeks someone at the ante natal class was saying her baby had already looked intently at all the paintings in their house and this proved he would be an artist.
I didn't have the heart to tell her his eyesight focus wouldn't be good enough to make out anything except big blobs on the wall.
6 years on, he is not the slightest bit interested in art...

My DD did not smile or walk or cut teeth or anything according to milestones. She is her own person and that is the way she works.

At 8 weeks your baby will need to poo and eat, all else is optional.

PlasticBandit Mon 02-Nov-09 18:52:37

Babies and children are their own people - they do what they do, and in their own good time. Most of them turn out just fine.
When we are pregnant, all we hope for is the eventual safe delivery of a live, healthy baby and at that time, we look no further than that. However, once the baby is found to be live and healthy, they enter the "competition" to be more "advanced" than other babies. This is ridiculous and is more about the parent than the baby.
Comparison is IMO, odious and meaningless.
Enjoy your baby and have fun with him.

sweetnitanitro Mon 02-Nov-09 19:05:25

frogs grin

One of my 'mates', the way she carries on you'd think her DD came out of the womb tap dancing and speaking fluent Spanish. hmm Comparing babies never ends well and competitive mums are best avoided!

Try to enjoy your DS' development, it's so much fun seeing them do things for the first time when they get that proud look on their faces grin

Newborns are hard work and you don't get much feedback but it does get easier!

piscesmoon Mon 02-Nov-09 19:13:35

Don't even get involved-enjoy your baby. They do things in their own time-it isn't a race.

Plonker Mon 02-Nov-09 19:21:44

But your baby is just an eeny weeny tiny 8weeks old, please don't go there with the competitive parenting, especially so young.

Your ds is probably just more serious than your friends babies - there's nothing wrong with that, developmentally or otherwise.
My dd1 was such an serious soul who turned into such an earnest toddler. She is now a delightful, smily, sensible and still a little serious 9yo smile

GhoulsAreLoud Mon 02-Nov-09 19:22:23

I meant to say, my friend's DS walked at 13 months and now she keeps saying "DS, teach GAL's DD how to walk" (she is 14 months old and has already taken her first steps, just not 'walking!'

Resisted the temptation to reply "DD, teach friend's DS how to sleep 13 hours a night solid and stop waking his Mummy and Daddy up in the wee small hours".

grin

Thought it but didn't say it!

piscesmoon Mon 02-Nov-09 19:26:07

When they are teenagers you really can't tell who walked at 10months and who walked at 18months, or who smiled first! It really doesn't matter.

pregnantpeppa Mon 02-Nov-09 21:30:32

GhoulsAreLoud yes you are right I don't know why I can't do simple subtraction! Perhaps I was one of those idiotic babies who walked late! Anyway it was a long gap between them and who could tell now smile

missorinoco Mon 02-Nov-09 21:36:23

Rosily, I had one of those.
It passes; when everyone with a placid dc hits todler phase and wonders what happened, you breeze through most of it thinking it is a walk in the park compared to the early days.

(I was always tempted to say something along the lines of "ds is just fractious as he was up late reading war and peace". You could try it and let me know.....)

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