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Just been quite viciously spoken to in the street by a stranger re. my 'tone of voice' with ds

20 replies

mummery · 31/10/2009 16:37

I'm a bit shaken despite the fact that this woman was about twice my age and I really should be more collected!

Scenario: I have my ds (6) and 2 other kids (relatives) who have come to play. We are standing at a 4-way junction, main road, on our way to the park and DS is refusing to hold hands. I won't cross the road until he does what he is told and am saying loudly and firmly, "Hold 's hand. Hold 's hand. We cannot cross until you do as you are told."

Obviously I am cross with him, but I am not yelling, swearing, threatening or agitated. I am speaking loudly because ds is speaking over me, ("No I don't want to hold hands!!"), you wouldn't have been able to hear me unless you were right next to us. I honestly wouldn't say I'm speaking aggressively, DS is not scared or upset, just being obstinate and in the process of deciding whether it's worth his while to do what I'm asking.

Anyway a woman aged about 60 who was passing behind us stopped and said, "Don't you speak to those children like that." I was astonished. I basically asked who she was and told her to leave me alone, there was nothing wrong with the way I was speaking. She stayed right next to us and kept on and on about how she was appalled, how she had had kids and had never used my tone of voice. I made some flip comment and said something along the lines of, I'm sure you were a perfect mum, keep walking, there's nothing wrong with the way I'm speaking and it's nothing to do with you anyway. She kept ON. She was standing about a foot from my face and telling me how awful I was and how I was being argumentative, I replied that it was her who had stopped to interfere. We had about a minute's worth of an exchange of why was she still standing there/why was I still arguing with her.

Finally she seemed to flip in some way. She started jabbing her finger in my face and saying, "I know your type, you act all calm." Worst of all she then did the same in my son's face. She bent down to his level and said "Your mum's a bitch, a real bitch, she's a nasty piece of work" jabbing a finger at him. I was aghast actually and just said something feeble that kind of trailed off, "Look at yourself," or something like that. Then she turned around and stormed off huffing to herself.

Anyway I am not good at confrontation especially unexpected and was pretty freaked that she'd spoken to ds like that. The kids were confused more than anything, ds and the 5yr old turned round and asked me "what was wrong with that woman?" I just said she was a bit nutty or something and we crossed the road and changed the subject.

Before you ask the only thing I called her was a "busybody" yeah I know pathetic and uncreative thing to say but I did not raise my voice gesture at her or insult her in any other way. My son has never heard the word "bitch" used as an insult before and def not about me, I'm kind of worried it's going to come up again...

Feel like I should have done or said more but I don't know what. Also feel more generally shitty, as you would if a complete stranger feels compelled to tell you your parenting is visibly and shockingly awful (even if you disagree).

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Besom · 31/10/2009 16:42

It sounds as if she's a trolley short of the supermarket so I really would try to forget about it.

She'll probably give herself a heart attack by getting so randomly worked up.