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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

Help me decide on whether to have 3rd child...

27 replies

ilikesunshine · 30/10/2009 15:37

I'm 41, already have 2 boys aged nearly 5 and nearly 3 who are fantastic, if very hard work, would desperately love a little girl to complete the family (though I realise I may get another boy!). Am I too old for a third? Will I ruin the family dynamic? Most of me thinks I should stick to the status quo as I'm incredibly lucky to have 2 healthy boys, but there's just this niggling feeling that my family's not complete yet. Any experiences or advice?

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kitkat9 · 30/10/2009 21:36

hi

don't like seeing unanswered posts

I have 3 dc's, youngest is 10m now - boy, girl, boy so I'm very lucky!

don't know about ruining the family dynamic - your family just changes again, iyswim. Is it maybe more that always expected you would have a dd and because you haven't you want to try again? a friend felt the same
(her boys the same ages as yours), got pregnant again....and has just had ds3! obviously there are no guarantees, and if you had another ds no doubt you'd love him just as much!

Also it really is very hard work with 3 - mine are 5.8, 2.8 and 10m - it's relentless. But, you know, it's relentless with one dc too. And it is lovely seeing them all together - they're their own wee team.

If you really feel the need for another dc, regardless of sex, then you should just go for it. If you're feeling that way to try to have a girl - well it's a bit of a gamble. do you feel you would resent your third dc if it turned out to be another boy? I'm not suggesting for a moment that you would, btw.

good luck with whatever you decide.

teameric · 30/10/2009 21:41

Go for it, I want a third and have the same doubts as you but broodiness is taking over!

Danthe4th · 30/10/2009 21:46

Just go for it. You'll love it whatever and how cool to have 3 young children in your 40's. I wish I could have another, I've got 4 am 42 now, had a mc 18 months ago and not really bothering now, i'm back working and time is running out.

cakefaced · 30/10/2009 22:02

I'd love a third but DH won't let me

But with a third you may need a bus bigger car.

thisisyesterday · 30/10/2009 22:10

you certainly aren't too old.
as long as you are fully prepared to have another boy rather than that girl then i say go for it!

i have 3 boys and the elder 2 adore their baby brother, i'm so glad i had him

Lilyloooohhhh · 30/10/2009 22:15

I wouldn't change having number 3 she is a dream (boy , girl , girl) we all love her to bits and she is dreadfully spoilt by us all.
Practically we had to get 7 seater car and i gave up work as childcare costs outweighed my wage.
She has been the hardest adaptation i think , maybe because we are getting older ...

But wouldn't be without her , i am savouring every moment as that baby longing has gone i definately know we are complete!

Good luck with your decision..

fannybanjo · 30/10/2009 22:17

I have 3 girls and i LOVE it! I wouldn't change it for the world and DD3 is just the most lovely addition to our family and I was devastated when I fell pg with her. Go for it, if you and your DH agree and especially if it is a wanted child, you can't go wrong. Just buy a larger car...

Cadelaide · 30/10/2009 22:21

I had a 3rd at 41 when my others were 5 and 7.

He's easy-peasy, a darling, and I now feel like my family is complete. My parents call him "the full stop"

Oh, and it was my easist pregnancy too, I sailed through it feeling fabulous.

So yes, do it, you must.

bigsquirtybloodylips · 30/10/2009 22:21

im watching this thread

Cadelaide · 30/10/2009 22:22

Oh, and we kept the car incidentally, a mondeo. If you have 3 seatbelts in the back you're ok.

Cadelaide · 30/10/2009 22:23

So, you gonna do it then?

fannybanjo · 30/10/2009 22:25

Cadelaide, I too sailed through my third pregnancy without even noticing I was pregnant.

teameric · 30/10/2009 22:42

this thread has made my mind up at least! I'm definately going for number 3! what about you ilikesunshine? have you decided yet

fannybanjo · 30/10/2009 22:47

teameric, although DH will sew my vagina up if he heard me say this I would quite like a fourth!

teameric · 30/10/2009 22:49

fannybanjo · 30/10/2009 22:50

Well he would sew up the cervix, the vagina he would leave well alone!

CristinaTheAstonishing · 30/10/2009 23:00

I find 3 very hard, there really isn't enough time for all.

fannybanjo · 30/10/2009 23:11

How old are your 3 cristina?

Concordia · 30/10/2009 23:23

i'd like a third but DH won't let me
and i am too tired / poor / bad at housework
but as i'm 35 perhaps in 6 years i will convince him.....
i'd say go for it if you're both in agreement. otherwise you might always regret it.

CristinaTheAstonishing · 30/10/2009 23:29

Hi Fanny - mine are 10, 4.5 and 2. Hard work. Neither the 2 nor the 4 year old understand I need and want time with the other one. The 10 y.o. would be happy to be left alone to read or play on his DS/PS. Just finding the time for all...

fannybanjo · 30/10/2009 23:31

Ahh, you have similar gaps to me - 5 odd years between number 1 and 2 then a shorter gap between 2 and 3. I have no doubts that my 2 little ones (currently 2.1 and 9 months) will get harder as time goes on. I do try to make time for DD1 though. DD2 and 3 have loads of time with Cbeebies Mummy when DD1 is at school.

ilikesunshine · 01/11/2009 15:48

Thanks for all the replies - still can't make up my mind. Have just had horrendous couple of days with DS2 throwing full-on tantrums, so the thought of another is not v appealing at the moment. But I just can't shake the thought of a third... DH may be the deciding factor though, don't think he much fancies it after the lsat 2 days!

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JodieO · 01/11/2009 15:57

I have 3 and I find it easy really. Dd is 7.9, ds1 was 6 a few days ago and ds2 is 2.10. They are very lively and spirited children to say the least but I love having them all and they are a joy. I'd actually like more. My pregnancies have been AWFUL though and had 5 mc's.

It's easier as they get older imo.

HyacinthsDaughterinlaw · 01/11/2009 15:58

If you can't shake the thought of a 3rd it will always be what if. I had the same sentiment as you, happy with 2 but felt there was one missing (dd is 5 and ds1 is 4)

We now have ds2 who is 4 weeks old. The pregnancy and the labour were worse and not helped by the random comments about "its 3rd Baby syndrome - whatever that is? I am 37 it is hard and it feels like going backwards at first but its worth it.

alana39 · 01/11/2009 15:59

It's such a difficult decision isn't it? I put off making it although DH was keen, then accidentally got pregnant whilst on the pill. Had a mc that time, but it made me realise I did want a 3rd and DC3 will be here any day (was due on Friday).

I wouldn't let tantrums etc make your mind up, as you know they don't last for ever, and remember with the ages of your older 2 you won't end up having 3 pre-school children (which was one of the main concerns that delayed me). And your age is irrelevant btw - something I had to point out to the locum GP I saw when I found I was pregnant this time, who told me that 39 was "not really that old, you know"

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