Describing a mother's love..thoughts please!(50 Posts)
Having my daughter changed the way I viewed life forever. Suddenly the world seemed harsher, less safe and I was more aware of my own mortality as well as a feeling that only a mother really knows, a love so pure and unselfish that nothing or nobody could ever destroy it.
I was the protecter, the provider. I would see that this pecious child would want for nothing. That I would look after her. I loved this child so much that even I was unsure if I was up to the job of taking care of her.
The physical demands of looking after a baby and then a small child were exhausting and challenging of course and there were times when I would hand her over to a trusted family member or her father and say-'I need a break', but nothing compared to the emotional side of looking after her. Every decision I had to make about every tiny thing was thought about, worried about and I felt guilty about. Over and over I think about how I could of done it differently and stuggled with all the rights and wrongs of bringing up a child.
Mothers are underestimated in abilty at times, I've had to grow an extra skin in order to deal with other people's opinions however small that conflict with my own unique way of bringing up my daughter. I've had comments, looks and disapproving stares when i've been out and about with my daughter as a toddler. They all conflict each other-I wouldn't do that or that's a great way of doing that..It wouldn't matter what I did, someone somewhere would disagree with something. There's no such this as a perfect mum but there's no other person as perfect for the job of each individual child than the child's own mother unless of course a mother is unable to mother that child but I won't go into that.
My daughter monopolises my time whether I see her all day or not. She's in my thoughts and she's the closest person to me in my life.
There's no such thing as too good for my child, If the heavens opened and poured down all it's gold and silver on my child it would never amount to the love I pour down on her myself.
I love her more than life itself, I would protect her to the end, I would protect her from herself, other people and the world. She is my child, she is my life.
It is like watching your heart grow legs, on totter off, in all it's terrifying fragility, to an independent life.
A mothers love for me is always having a guilty feeling secretly lurking in my head when DS goes off to nursery, and catching myself thinking about him at funny times and laughing out loud! But the main thing is a fierce posessive protective streak. I would kill, and die, for my son. End of.
sticktoyourgins, surely that would be on a thread titled father's love?
lilyjen, it is a shame we don't talk more about how it feels to be a mother. It is a truly amazing experience and one which is taken for granted. Nice to read your post.
I love it, I find it fascinating to see the mix of myself and DH in him and this whole other part that is just him. I am aware that I have such an impact on his development, character and memories. The choices we make are not just for ourselves.
I think sticktoyourgins has a valid point, Tombli: the OP did specifically mention the love that only a mother feels. I am not immediately convinced that I have some special quality of love that dh cannot share. And I never thought of it as times when I would be "handing her over to her father" because I was exhausted: we both assumed that parenthood was something we shared, you could equally well talk of dh handing her over to me.
"there's no other person as perfect for the job of each individual child than the child's own mother unless of course a mother is unable to mother that child"- I thought my dcs father was as perfect tbh. Neither of us is completely perfect of course, but we are both as important.
Jeez guys..! You can't say anything on here lol! Ok let me clarify..I am a single Mum which is why I would hand her over to her Dad when I needed a break (and other times of course) and it is a post on mothers rather than fathers but that's not to say their job isn't equally important, I guess that depends how involved they are..please just read it for what it is and lets not debate the roles of mums and dads!
I've got 3 DC and I really don't have the time (or the inclination) to agonise over every small detail - does sound like the OP is a new mum?
Feel like gemmummy - I would also kill for, and die for, my DCs. End of.
That's an interesting point of view busybutterfly. Glad it's so easy for you to descibe..I must be an emotional person! My DD is 6 and if my post sounds ott then it wasn't mean't to, i'm a laid back and relaxed mum in general but i'm talking of the many thoughts and feelings that bringing up a child involves rather than generalising. Thanks for your thoughts though
In his 13 months of life so far, my son has done a lifetime's work of making me grow up. I am a better person because of him and every day I strive to be better because I want him to have the best life it is possible to have.
On the downside, my anxiety has gone through the roof. Totally know what you mean about them monopolising your time whether they're there or not, and couldn't have put it better than colditz - every day is full of new wonder and new terror.
Don't worry lilyjen, it was quite obvious that you were just talking about your feelings, last time I looked at the big bad book of MN rules it was allowed, don't let the misery guts negativity stop you.
When I was pg with ds1 a work colleague said to me that having a child is like a love affair that never ends.
I agree 100% with the OP. The love I feel for my dc is like no other feeling in the world. I honestly would die for them both.
Now they are growing up (much too fast) I often watch them and try to memorise every detail of their little faces and mannerisms because time is going so fast I want to cherish every second with them as children.
I also like 'handing them over' to their Dad to get a break, but then when they are gone I pine for them and feel guilty.
Of course fathers love their children just as much, but I do feel that the bond between a child and its mother is stronger because we have carried them round inside us for 9 months so they feel like part of us iyswim.
"Every decision I had to make about every tiny thing was thought about, worried about and I felt guilty about. Over and over I think about how I could of done it differently and stuggled with all the rights and wrongs of bringing up a child." (Quote from OP)
Wasn't meaning to sound harsh, just truly don't agonise over it that much. DH and I do what we think is right and do you know what? Some of it IS. And some isn't. And when they're older it'll become blindingly obvious (with the benefit of hindsight!) but hey. Too late then. You do as you see fit at the time.
OP, my two eldest are 7 and 5 so I do know where you're coming from!
Busybutterfly, does it matter if the op was a new mum, which she isn't? Doesn't mean anything she writes can be disregarded. Or did I mss the bit in the rulebook that said only mums of older children write worthwhile posts...
Like my ds is my responsibility forever. I am branded by him and will never be able to live up to what he needs.
I am not always sure that what I feel for him is love tbh.
Sorry busybutterfly. I crossed posts with your second one. Ignore my stroppyness then
eyeballs I haven't disregarded the OP's post but in the interests of politeness I shall amend 'new' mum to 'first time' mum because I do truly believe that more children = less time to worry!
ginny-thankyou I agree with your take on mums.Tombliboooobs thanks for the support
mother's love... it's the entire purpose, bliss, meaning and joy of my life. it's EVERYTHING to me.
short post as beautiful newborn in arms drifting off to sleep and 12 yo son needing to be reminded to go to flippin bed .
god some of you are grumpy tonight!
I totally get what you are saying.
I dont think you can ever experience worry until you become a parent........I often have horrific thoughts about when they are no longer in my charge and the risks to them in day to day life, but I guess we can only do our best for them and hope to god they are ok.
give them roots, and wings
My DD is 13 weeks old and in the first couple of weeks I remember suddenly thinking 'I'm going to die one day',the thought had never really occured to me (obviously I knew but had never given it much thought)
I thought I knew what love was...loved my Dad,Husband,Dog,friends...but nothing could have prepared me for the sheer overwhelming feeling I get every time I look at her,I would die for her.
Am going to print this off and keep it to look back on when she is fourteen and driving me nuts
Lilly i thought ur post was so lovely i honest to god thought it was a poem!! And dont mind some ppl... Sometimes we can drop the political correctness sharing/equality of parenting talk and jus talk about being mothers... We can certainly discuss fathers roles but i dont think u were intending a debate on roles etc jus u sharing, am i right?? As for me my children r my reason for everything...
it is just like falling in love, it has put life into fast forward, it has given me emotional incontinence, it has given me one topic of conversation to inflict on anyone who will listen, i pine for him during the day and often want to wake him up at night just to enjoy his company.
ds is 11 months - i never thought i would be the archetypal mummy - it's inescapable.
The love I have for my little one is the most important I hve ever known. She would come first over anyone including dear husband. I would fight to the death for her. Never thought it would feel like this. Isn;t being a mum great.
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