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Need some help and advice on strategies to deal with ds1 (7)

(10 Posts)
popsycal Thu 29-Oct-09 11:21:40

Thought hard about whether to put this in behaviour or parenting topic and have gone for parenting as I really want to sort this out rather than punishing behaviour.

This continues on from 845 his recent thread.

A bit of background.

DS1 is 7 andthe youngest in year 3. He is boisterous, loud and full of energy. He is bright, intelligent and articulate. He has dyspraxic tendencies and I have recently pushed for an OT assessment for him as he has really struggled with the transition in to Year 3 - had a hideous first half term.

He has 2 brothers -ds2 is 4 and in reception; ds3 has just turned one.

DS1 has always been an early riser. His two brothers are hideous sleepers. DH is being made redundant tomorrow and suffers from depression (though I think that this may be a misdiagnosis and am hoping redundancy will help him get back on track).

ANyway. In the last few months, there has been a huge rise in tantrums and attention seeking behaviour.

I the last few days, he has written on my mattress, written ds2's name on the bathroom wall, has got up at 5:30 two days in a row and emptied loads of shampoos, soaps, etc, into the sink and and made a huge mess.

I don't want to spend my life telling him off - I am already feeling like a nag. And I don't want to use reactive techniques like confiscating DS,computer time etc the wholetime.

Been thinking about this and my gut reactions are:
* unsettled
* wants moreattention/feels a bit left out
* self confidence is low (he used to be really confident in himself)

Can anyone give me any suggestions how to tackle this.

Life is really busy at home with three small boys so I would be interested to hear other peoples' experiences and suggestions.

I feel pretty guilty tbh

popsycal Thu 29-Oct-09 12:45:50

no one around

popsycal Thu 29-Oct-09 15:57:51

final bump then i'll get mecoat

popsycal Thu 29-Oct-09 18:04:07

last final bump or eveving crowd

biggirlsdontcry Thu 29-Oct-09 18:21:22

sorry didn't want you left unanswered smile
yes i think you are right , it does sound like he wants more attention , i haven't read the other thread but is there any way you could take him out for the day , just you & him maybe your dh could mind the younger children ?

drinkyourmilk Thu 29-Oct-09 18:25:10

I'm going to have a good think about this but my first thought is do you and your husband know what the routine in the following few months is going to be? What are your plans for the future?
Can you sit down with your son and explain the current changes to him and how it is going to effect him (you may need to do this very gently at several bedtimes/on a walk just the 2 of you etc)

Can you write down daily routines/plans in a simple form so your son knows what is coming next? It may also help to give him an unpressurised role in some activites ie choosing the cups for mealtimes etc - can help to ground him and help him feel included and necessary

In the instance of his wakings - I'm assuming you've tried all the usual bribes to keep him in bed, he has a clock that tells him what time he can get up etc etc.
Does he fall asleep easily and by himself at night? Sometimes a massage/aromotherapy can help. Some people just wake early. Does he know what he CAN do in the mornings? ie - get himself some cereal, turn on tv, have 'morning toys'(that are either just for playing with in the morning, or that he choses and puts by his bed each evening), a book/comic he can read in bed. Can he come snuggle with you?

With regards to inappropriate behaviour - try ignoring/asking him to correct his mistakes (ie - wash walls), sometimes however kids don't respond to that - so a star chart (just for him - so he doesn't feel like he is competition with his brothers and ergo can 'loose')may help with an open ended reward - like choosing game on family night/going bowling with just you. Sometimes you just have to get cross and withdraw priviledges - only you will know what your son will respond best to and what you can cope with.

Does he have best friends yet? Does he have playdates? That can help to secure his self image (i'm 'X's mate - we're really cool pirates etc)

Think i'm just rambling now! I'm sure you've thought of all these already - but didn't want you to go uanswered. Keep updating us!

BEAUTlFUL Thu 29-Oct-09 18:29:43

Have the tantrums increased since he started Year 3?

Surely the mess-making stuff will be easily solved by just getting him to clear it all up until it's all spotless. Remain calm, obviously.

If your DH will be at home for a while, use him to help. Ask yr DH to spend "man time" with DS1 when just the two of them go off to do older-child things, like cinema, fishing, DIY, etc. that should help him feel more grown-up.

Could you talk to DS1's teacher to find out what he's behaving like at school? How is his teacher handling this -- rewards or punishments?

He sounds VERY VERY like my DS1 (6), btw. He was awful in Yr1, but has blossomed in Yr2 with fab new teacher.

popsycal Thu 29-Oct-09 18:47:22

woill be back shortyly
ds3nearly off
going to chat with ds1

popsycal Thu 29-Oct-09 18:50:54

popsycal Thu 29-Oct-09 20:08:03

going to re-read all advice given so far - brb

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