I was thinking about this today after reading dizzy's thread. DS was an em cs and when he was first born I felt very 'detached' - I physically couldn't hold him as I was flat on the operating table and shaking like a leaf, but I didn't want to hold him - it was like I needed time for it to sink in. It wasn't until I had my debrief last month that I realised it may have affected our bonding (I surprised myself by nearly bursting into tears when the midwife asked me about it). Dh on the other hand was absolutely smitten straight away, and I have a lovely photo of them when DS was minutes old, with DH's face so full of emotion.
Fast forward 8 months and I'm still not sure that we've bonded as such - don't get me wrong, I love him, would never hurt him and always put him first. But I also can't wait to get back to work, I've never had a problem leaving him with someone else and find myself getting frustrated very quickly when he's griping and I don't know why. I have little moments where I think 'awww, so cute'. And then moments where I think 'what on earth have I done....' I just don't think my love is as unconditional as it could be. I'm coming to terms with it - I come from a family that don't really show affection and I suspect it's just the way I am.
I'd be interested to hear from others who've felt the same way.
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Parenting
When did you bond with your baby?
11 replies
boundarybabe · 29/10/2009 09:33
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LeninGhoul ·
30/10/2009 23:02
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